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Old 03-01-2013, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,494,328 times
Reputation: 3705

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I think I have gotten to the point where I am just plain burnt out. I've been a parent for almost 31 years and I never get a break. I can't do anything without kids, we don't have relatives to leave the kids with, my husband and I would like to take a trip by ourselves maybe once a year, but that isn't possible.
I don't know what to do, sometimes I feel so stressed from kids fighting and mess making and never ending kids shows.
My husband works out of state 3 weeks a month so that doesn't help and I have a grown son who moved home 2 years ago who seems to never want to get his $hit together and move out.
Somedays I feel like screaming!
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
4,827 posts, read 7,229,312 times
Reputation: 7662
You've been a parent for 31 years.... How many children do you have because your post makes it seem you have very young children that you can't leave if you go on a vacation. How old are your youngest ones?

As for your boomerang? Show him the door! If he doesn't want to get his act together, let him go to a homeless shelter. You don't have to support a bum.
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:10 PM
 
Location: Greater NYC
2,900 posts, read 4,891,208 times
Reputation: 3843
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
I think I have gotten to the point where I am just plain burnt out. I've been a parent for almost 31 years and I never get a break. I can't do anything without kids, we don't have relatives to leave the kids with, my husband and I would like to take a trip by ourselves maybe once a year, but that isn't possible.
I don't know what to do, sometimes I feel so stressed from kids fighting and mess making and never ending kids shows.
My husband works out of state 3 weeks a month so that doesn't help and I have a grown son who moved home 2 years ago who seems to never want to get his $hit together and move out.
Somedays I feel like screaming!
It's okay to scream every once and a while. Why not if it makes you feel better even if only for a minute?

You are NOT alone; although you do have a particularly tough situation with your husband out of town for much of the time.

How old are your kids?

Depending on the answer to the above, do you have any close friends you could watch your kids for an overnight getaway? I am one who HATES to ask for help or a favor of ANY kind, especially now that we have kids, but I have learned that help/favors, like watching kids, is 'less skin off others' noses' than I think. I'm working on asking for help and, even though it's hard to initially make the ask, I have never regretted it and have always been surprised by friends' enthusiasm to lend a hand.

I know that one night may seem small, but... baby steps. Heck, is there room in the budget to have a sitter come once a week so you can catch your breath for 3 hours in the evening? Something like that could prove to be a bigger benefit than it appears.
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:13 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
6,578 posts, read 6,774,823 times
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I've been a parent for 26yrs my son moved out today!!!I'm both happy and sad...I still have a 19yr old that came home today on spring break...so I had about 6 hours of alone time...being a parent is a lifetime job...but that said there comes a time when they have to learn to leave the nest!
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:21 PM
 
Location: The middle of nowhere Arkansas
3,326 posts, read 2,704,409 times
Reputation: 1010
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
I think I have gotten to the point where I am just plain burnt out. I've been a parent for almost 31 years and I never get a break. I can't do anything without kids, we don't have relatives to leave the kids with, my husband and I would like to take a trip by ourselves maybe once a year, but that isn't possible.
I don't know what to do, sometimes I feel so stressed from kids fighting and mess making and never ending kids shows.
My husband works out of state 3 weeks a month so that doesn't help and I have a grown son who moved home 2 years ago who seems to never want to get his $hit together and move out.
Somedays I feel like screaming!

Sounds like a ready made baby sitter to me. Take a break. Get a perm.
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,494,328 times
Reputation: 3705
My kids are 30, 28, 27, 14, 11 and 6!
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,494,328 times
Reputation: 3705
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutchman01 View Post
Sounds like a ready made baby sitter to me. Take a break. Get a perm.
HAHAHAHA, I wish, once in a while he will watch the kids but not very often, the 14 year old is at sports, friends and activities a lot.
He can watch them for short periods of time but my 11 year old is very big and strong for his age and likes to go toe to toe with the 14 year old, so watching the 6 yearr old becomes impossible.
I might put a wrestling ring in my living room and get a giant boxing glove for myself, I can knock them out when they are fighting with each other.
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:33 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,218,464 times
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You have someone to leave your kids with while you go on a vacation--- how about the young man who moved home two years ago- he's an adult, he can watch his younger siblings !!!

Let me guess, he's too irresponsible to do anything, too uninterested and the younger kids won't listen to him, etc. etc.???

Lets talk about him first. If he's home, not working or not working enough, if he's not contributing financially to he household, if he's not pulling his weight as far helping out with the yard, the house, etc., they why is he there ? He's there because you enable him and he will be there until you and your hubby stop making his life easy and until you expect him to be an adult.

Give him 90 days to get his act together. In that 90 days, he gets a full time job, sets up payment plan to pay you rent, signs a contract with you to take care of his own laundry, clothes, room cleaning, cooking, work around the house, occasional babysitting , etc. If he's not willing to do that at the end of 90 days, you put his stuff outside and tell him to leave and have a nice life. You created the problem by letting him move back, only you can fix it. You want him to be an adult, you have to treat him like one. Right now, he's permitted to be an extended adolescent.

I totally understand your frustration with the whole experience. You're holding down the fort yourself 75% of the time. That is incredibly hard and stressful. Time to treat yourself. Have a long talk with hubby. It's time you started hiring a sitter for one day a week, or a day and an evening a week, so you can get away from the kids and have some time for yourself. You need to get out with friends or even just have the sitter take the kids out for day so you can do nothing at home, except be alone for a while.

How old are your remaining children ? Are they teens that can be left alone for several hours, toddlers, what ? Depending on their ages, will depend on what you can do. But you have to some how carve out time for yourself. You deserve it.

You can go on vacation once a year. What you need is to develop a relationship with a trusted, hired babysitter. Start checking into bonded nanny services. No your children will not fall apart if you're not there. They'll be fine. You start off with a nanny/babysitter for an afternoon or an evening, then try it for all day. When the time comes to go away, this will be someone they know. Or if any of your children are over 18, can they take of their younger siblings.

You can make this work. Just have to figure out the logistics of it.
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:34 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
6,578 posts, read 6,774,823 times
Reputation: 9825
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
My kids are 30, 28, 27, 14, 11 and 6!
Wow!! God bless you!!! That's rough!!!
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,494,328 times
Reputation: 3705
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishiis49 View Post
Wow!! God bless you!!! That's rough!!!
I know, I was crazy, I got remarried and my husband did not have kids, so I had three more, 2 were planned and my beautiful 6 year old baby girl was a surprise.
I'm glad she came along after 4 rowdy boys in a row, another girl was a relief.....so far.
Girls are calmer when they are young, but crazy when they are teens and boys are rowdy as kids and calmer as teens. In my case anyway.
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