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Old 03-05-2013, 07:02 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,072 posts, read 2,028,737 times
Reputation: 5032

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Please -- PLEASE -- leave that home now. I can't post here anymore because I feel so helpless and you are in a terrible situation.
GET OUT of that home.
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Old 03-05-2013, 08:16 PM
 
Location: Southfield
80 posts, read 72,930 times
Reputation: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by MagnoliaThunder View Post
Please -- PLEASE -- leave that home now. I can't post here anymore because I feel so helpless and you are in a terrible situation.
GET OUT of that home.
Im actually in the process of searching for a shelter now.
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Old 03-05-2013, 08:21 PM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,572 posts, read 6,553,427 times
Reputation: 4022
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trell B View Post
Im actually in the process of searching for a shelter now.
We are behind you! I know we are all just people behind a computer screen but if I can send good energy to you I am going to try it!
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Old 03-05-2013, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,932 posts, read 17,236,141 times
Reputation: 40926
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trell B View Post
Im actually in the process of searching for a shelter now.
I am glad that you are getting out of that house & I am wishing you well.
Good luck to you.
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Old 03-05-2013, 09:56 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,591 posts, read 23,151,009 times
Reputation: 48585
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally_Sparrow View Post
We are behind you! I know we are all just people behind a computer screen but if I can send good energy to you I am going to try it!
I'm with Sally! And others are too! We are here for you! Sending you positive energy and prayers!

My sister is a narcissist, and my mother was also. Not this bad, but enough that I graduated HS is three years to get away from home.

My sister has four biological children and she ruined my nieces college career at one point out of spite. She finally graduated at 26. She tried to steel money from two of her son's and she ruined one of my nephew's credit. He's 23. I understand and I know that Sally does too. There are others here who have your back!

Keep us posted! I'll bet a few of us would go out of our way to attend your college graduation! I know I would - if invited!
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Old 03-05-2013, 10:59 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,694 posts, read 4,339,330 times
Reputation: 10278
Yes, we are all behind you! One thought that I had is that colleges usually have bulletin boards or carry notices in the student paper where people are looking for roommates. That might be a way to get inexpensive housing. When I was in college I rented a room in a house with several other girls. We had a blast together and it sure saved on the rent.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 03-06-2013, 08:09 AM
 
26,323 posts, read 24,438,474 times
Reputation: 16007
boy oh boy, do I feel badly for you. get out of there, I know what living with a mother like that can be like, and when you get out, you should seek counseling, b/c there has definately got to be scars and you want to make certain, her personality didn't rub off on you, where down the road unforeseen things surface, like anger on the job or towards your friends or your own family.
There is nothing you can do to gain her acceptance, so stop trying, she will never change, and stop trying to prove your innocense to her, as it's a lost cause.
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Old 03-06-2013, 08:36 AM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,275,198 times
Reputation: 2357
To echo what everyone has said:

1. Find a program to help with the suicidal thoughts and depression. There are lots of free and sliding scale clinics in all major urban areas especially where there are schools or training programs for counselors/therapists.

2. Move out. Immediately. Look for anything-- a housesitting situation, an adult shelter, a kind acquaintance or employer who may be able to host you for a few weeks (do you have a cousin or sibling who can help?). Don't tell your parents what is happening: they will try and keep you in the abusive situation and erode your confidence that you can make it on your own. Leave in the middle of the night if you have to. If there is nothing in your area, look for a cheap bus ticket to somewhere with the resources you need. You are well over the threshold of adulthood, and you have the power to make a different life for yourself. It will be difficult, but it will be worth it.

3. Cut off contact with your family, at least for a while. You need some mental space from the abuse. If you decide to re-establish contact, protect your location, personal information, and be prepared to set boundaries. Communicate in writing or via telephone only so that you have an escape route if the conversation gets too heated.

4. Put school on hold if needed. First and foremost on your hierachy of needs is your mental health. Get that stabilized and then attack other issues.

5. Work as many jobs as you need to to pay the bills.

6. Start reaching out to others. Try to make friends. Share some details about your situation, even though its hard. You will be surprised at the perspective you gain, and its the first step to building trust and friendships.

I had to do this with my family. I had some advantages like a full scholarship for a college education and a few solid friendships that got me out of the nest of dysfunction and allowed me to build a new life. Now, when we speak, it is in small doses and I maintain contact with the individuals I choose to on my terms. Its taken a lot of therapy, mistakes and lucky breaks to get me where I am, but I am very proud of the person that I have become. You will have to learn to re-parent and re-wire a lot of your thinking. It is a lifeling process, but it *can* happen.

Good luck! We are pulling for you.
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Old 03-06-2013, 08:50 AM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,275,198 times
Reputation: 2357
Also, what about joining the military? I have a friend who came from a similar situation to yours who joined the Navy and is now a SEAL. His mother is still abusive on the rare occasions that he sees her, but he has the training, confidence and maturity to deal with it in a completely different way. Kinda sad to think about trying to bully your son who is a burly, capable warrior, but she still attempts it. You mentioned you were interested in airplanes-- perhaps the Air Force would be an option? That would take care of your educational, housing and career needs in one fell swoop. Something to consider.
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Old 03-06-2013, 09:55 AM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,726,980 times
Reputation: 7394
This is a horrible situation to live in and I recommend getting out. I was in the same situation as you working at Walmart and living with my mother, also having to move back due to the recession. Everybody I knew tried to talk me out of moving back out saying I'd never make it, couldn't afford it, yadayada. I did it anyway and am doing just fine, always have been.

If you're worried about the money, can you possibly go on overnight stocking at Target, if possible? The money might be better and the job a tad more secure for you. Good luck to you.
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