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Old 03-06-2013, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,310,477 times
Reputation: 1443

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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post
Also, what about joining the military? I have a friend who came from a similar situation to yours who joined the Navy and is now a SEAL. His mother is still abusive on the rare occasions that he sees her, but he has the training, confidence and maturity to deal with it in a completely different way. Kinda sad to think about trying to bully your son who is a burly, capable warrior, but she still attempts it. You mentioned you were interested in airplanes-- perhaps the Air Force would be an option? That would take care of your educational, housing and career needs in one fell swoop. Something to consider.

Second this. Seems like a great option for someone in your situation. Basic training is nowhere near as bad as what you describe at home, especially in the Air Force. I would give that some real thought.
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Old 03-06-2013, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Southfield
80 posts, read 72,813 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post
To echo what everyone has said:

1. Find a program to help with the suicidal thoughts and depression. There are lots of free and sliding scale clinics in all major urban areas especially where there are schools or training programs for counselors/therapists.

2. Move out. Immediately. Look for anything-- a housesitting situation, an adult shelter, a kind acquaintance or employer who may be able to host you for a few weeks (do you have a cousin or sibling who can help?). Don't tell your parents what is happening: they will try and keep you in the abusive situation and erode your confidence that you can make it on your own. Leave in the middle of the night if you have to. If there is nothing in your area, look for a cheap bus ticket to somewhere with the resources you need. You are well over the threshold of adulthood, and you have the power to make a different life for yourself. It will be difficult, but it will be worth it.

3. Cut off contact with your family, at least for a while. You need some mental space from the abuse. If you decide to re-establish contact, protect your location, personal information, and be prepared to set boundaries. Communicate in writing or via telephone only so that you have an escape route if the conversation gets too heated.

4. Put school on hold if needed. First and foremost on your hierachy of needs is your mental health. Get that stabilized and then attack other issues.

5. Work as many jobs as you need to to pay the bills.

6. Start reaching out to others. Try to make friends. Share some details about your situation, even though its hard. You will be surprised at the perspective you gain, and its the first step to building trust and friendships.

I had to do this with my family. I had some advantages like a full scholarship for a college education and a few solid friendships that got me out of the nest of dysfunction and allowed me to build a new life. Now, when we speak, it is in small doses and I maintain contact with the individuals I choose to on my terms. Its taken a lot of therapy, mistakes and lucky breaks to get me where I am, but I am very proud of the person that I have become. You will have to learn to re-parent and re-wire a lot of your thinking. It is a lifelong process, but it *can* happen.

Good luck! We are pulling for you.
I'm going to ask my manager/managers whether there is an opening at any of the targets in other states, if i have to move as far as Florida. Michigan, unfortunately has no resources. It is every man for himself up here in Detroit. everything is criminalized to the homeless, and it's very cold. Yes, i plan to leave in the middle of the night, because you know what, my mother said she could care less about what happens to me. So i am going to do whatever i can in my power to get a ticket and just ride.
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Old 03-06-2013, 11:23 AM
 
7,345 posts, read 13,162,921 times
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People, he's already addressed as to why he can't join the military (health issues).

OP, since you mentioned an interest in Boeing and flight simulators... why don't you look and work towards where they are? Boeing has a lot of plants and offices in many areas. Those areas usually have local colleges that are geared towards educating people and helping them into Boeing (or whatever company) jobs. And a lot of colleges do offer on-site some psychological help or can refer.
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Old 03-06-2013, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,310,477 times
Reputation: 1443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
People, he's already addressed as to why he can't join the military (health issues).

OP, since you mentioned an interest in Boeing and flight simulators... why don't you look and work towards where they are? Boeing has a lot of plants and offices in many areas. Those areas usually have local colleges that are geared towards educating people and helping them into Boeing (or whatever company) jobs. And a lot of colleges do offer on-site some psychological help or can refer.

Sorry-- didn't catch that.

Sometimes, depending on the health issue, they can do a waiver.
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Old 03-06-2013, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Southfield
80 posts, read 72,813 times
Reputation: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
People, he's already addressed as to why he can't join the military (health issues).

OP, since you mentioned an interest in Boeing and flight simulators... why don't you look and work towards where they are? Boeing has a lot of plants and offices in many areas. Those areas usually have local colleges that are geared towards educating people and helping them into Boeing (or whatever company) jobs. And a lot of colleges do offer on-site some psychological help or can refer.
What about community colleges?
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Old 03-06-2013, 12:09 PM
 
7,345 posts, read 13,162,921 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trell B View Post
What about community colleges?
Yep, My BIL went to a community college (Clover Park TC in Lakewood, Wa) to get his certification so that he could work for Boeing.
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Old 03-06-2013, 12:12 PM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,705,656 times
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Oh, you live in Detroit? Soooo sorry.

Community colleges have onsite counselors. Though they mainly exist for help in your career decisions/college issues, they can help for problems at home that may/are distracting you from your studies. Mine came in very handy when I was in college and living at home. She gave me support when my mother's chaos started getting in the way of my studies, and also (thankfully) talked me out of cosigning for my mother to refinance her house, which she tried tooth and nail to guilt-trip me into.

Good luck.
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Old 03-06-2013, 01:02 PM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,572 posts, read 6,540,496 times
Reputation: 4021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trell B View Post
What about community colleges?
The community colleges here where I live (San Antonio, Tx) offer programs for this kind of work too. My oldest son's father has a related 2 year degree and has worked at Boeing for a long time. He makes very good money (enough to have a ton of kids and still live comfortably!

School saved us in a lot of ways.. we were both working low wage jobs and I was laid off. I was on unemployment and finding nothing, then I decided to go back to school. Now, I took out loans and I don't recommend loans for someone unless they are 100% certain of their educational goals, but honestly I was better off financially as a student working only part time than I was as a full time worker at previous jobs! Especially with grants as well which you should qualify for. Same goes for my spouse who started school a couple semesters after I did. And yes, most schools have options for students for mental health counseling, basic clinic visits (or would know of a local place that was affordable), that sort of thing, even at the community college level.
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Southfield
80 posts, read 72,813 times
Reputation: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Oh, you live in Detroit? Soooo sorry.

Community colleges have onsite counselors. Though they mainly exist for help in your career decisions/college issues, they can help for problems at home that may/are distracting you from your studies. Mine came in very handy when I was in college and living at home. She gave me support when my mother's chaos started getting in the way of my studies, and also (thankfully) talked me out of cosigning for my mother to refinance her house, which she tried tooth and nail to guilt-trip me into.

Good luck.
It's so violent here. The plaque has actually moved out of Detroit and into the suburbs now. Since i've been back hom, i have seen over 6 white families move out of the subdivision, to be replaced by ghetto thugs from inner city Detroit. I dont even feel safe there, walking to work...I want to leave Michigan again and go to a place where THERE IS NO FAMILY (I'm cutting all contact) and start all over, meet someone and settle down. I'm quite afraid my mother's narcissist traits have rubbed off on me, therefore destroying any chance of attracting a mate.
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:48 PM
 
10,366 posts, read 8,343,457 times
Reputation: 19109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trell B View Post
It's so violent here. The plaque has actually moved out of Detroit and into the suburbs now. Since i've been back hom, i have seen over 6 white families move out of the subdivision, to be replaced by ghetto thugs from inner city Detroit. I dont even feel safe there, walking to work...I want to leave Michigan again and go to a place where THERE IS NO FAMILY (I'm cutting all contact) and start all over, meet someone and settle down. I'm quite afraid my mother's narcissist traits have rubbed off on me, therefore destroying any chance of attracting a mate.
Do you have a car? If so, start putting your valuables and essentials in the trunk, little by little. Consider renting a locker for any additional stuff you want to keep that won't fit into the trunk. If you have a locker at work, put it to use, too, though not for your most valuable things -extra clothing should be fine, though.

Get copies of your birth certificate, driver's license, high school diploma, prescriptions, health/medical insurance card and records, tax returns, bank statement, social security card and any other important papers, and put them in a safe, easily accessible place. You'll need them when you leave. Same for credit/debit cards, medical records, and so on.

Think of yourself as you want to be in one year - living away from family, working and/or going to college, having a decent place to live...then think what you'll need to bring this about.

Start a direct deposit bank account for your paycheck, unless you plan to leave within the next couple of weeks. Do what you can to avoid conflict with your parents meanwhile. Spending your free time away from home in safe places, as you are doing, is a good idea. Consider selling replaceable valuables (like small electronics) to raise ready cash. Craigslist might be a good way to do this - you could arrange to meet buyers in a public place away from your home.

As for meeting someone and settling down, don't make these your priorities right now - you need to heal and find out who you are, in a peaceful and calm and secure setting, before getting emotionally involved with someone else. However, making new friends is fine and can help you learn who you really are. Just keep it light for a while.

You might be helped by getting in touch with Al-Anon, since alcohol abuse is part of your family's dynamic.

Best wishes to you - you deserve so much more than you have right now.
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