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Well just don't speak with her anymore. You don't have to be mean to her and say a bunch of mean things, there is no excuse to hurt anyones feelings. If she contacts you ignore her, and eventually she will get the hint.
When people break it off with a serious boy friend or girl friend they USUALLY sit down and talk it out with the person being dumped. Why shouldn't it be the same with a good friend who you no longer have any chemistry with? I think the passively withdrawing approach is cruel if you were or are close friends. (But logical with casual friends or activity partners)
I never actually had a girlfriend sit down and honestly tell me why she wanted to the end the relationship. I would've been VERY grateful for the honesty, though also hurt that a person with that type of courage didn't want to be with me. It would've brought about introspection and probably personal growth.
I think the best options are either having this conversation--and hoping that she can accept it. Or inviting her to do the things you want to do to see if you can have something in common. This could even involve telling her that it feels like you don't have as much in common, and you think it would be good to find things you both enjoy. Perhaps there are things you do both enjoy that you're not doing. I'm not suggesting sleeping with her--though I'm also not speaking against it if that is what you would both enjoy. Perhaps there are some sports she likes, some singers you both like, some hobbies you have in common, or perhaps the differences are simply too great.
I was a dumpee via the "oh so busy" school of dumping and because she was a childhood friend and we were like sisters for several decades, I sent, (yep) messages on and off for 5 or so f***ing years. We lived several states away from one another so it's not like I was looking to camp out on her couch every weekend, just wanted to keep in touch from time to time.
I never knew why she ghosted me. Considering our past it seems cruel even today. But I got it finally got that she was done with me for whatever her reasons and when I did finally get it I wrote her a short letter thanking her for once being my friend, acknowledging specific gratitudes and that it had run it's course. I sent the letter. Never heard one word back but its over and done with. I did my part.
I'd suggest that if you care one iota about this person, if her friendship meant anything to you, that you let her go kindly but firmly letting her know that you feel like you've taken different paths and no longer have anything in common and let her go to the universe.
I will say from my experience with being dumped (and it doesn't matter to me how old this thread is), that I learned something about the dumper - (or I think I did, because I was never able to speak to her again) - my analysis is that when some people are hurt they turn off and put a wall up (or slam a door closed, however you want to perceive it).
Some people hold grudges and are unable to forgive - it's referred to as "unforgiveness." It's not a healthy way to live. They are incapable of processing, talking things over, and then forgiving and giving the person "another chance."
This is different than just "growing apart." What I am talking about is a situation where you have hurt someone and they refuse to allow you to make amends or rekindle the relationship.
If you are in this situation, do whatever you can do to reach out to them, and then let go. It is really hard, and painful for the person who has been dumped, but at least you have integrity and try to salvage what you thought was a real friendship.
Your advice is fine and relevant, thank you for it.
For some reason, I found myself on an ancient thread and in the middle of responding, then realized that nobody had followed the thread for five years. A lot of times on C-D, people complain about old threads being resurrected, so I just deleted my comment.
I will say from my experience with being dumped (and it doesn't matter to me how old this thread is), that I learned something about the dumper - (or I think I did, because I was never able to speak to her again) - my analysis is that when some people are hurt they turn off and put a wall up (or slam a door closed, however you want to perceive it).
Some people hold grudges and are unable to forgive - it's referred to as "unforgiveness." It's not a healthy way to live. They are incapable of processing, talking things over, and then forgiving and giving the person "another chance."
This is different than just "growing apart." What I am talking about is a situation where you have hurt someone and they refuse to allow you to make amends or rekindle the relationship.
If you are in this situation, do whatever you can do to reach out to them, and then let go. It is really hard, and painful for the person who has been dumped, but at least you have integrity and try to salvage what you thought was a real friendship.
Sometimes there is a really good reason for being dumped.
I have been both the dumper and the dumpee, as I suspect is true for most people.
The childhood best friend I finally dumped for the last time around age 30 was an extremely toxic person who treated me poorly except that whenever I took her back she love bombed me for a year or so. I kept telling myself that prior history, somebody who knew my family, who grew up with me, was worth putting up with her cruel nature and other bad qualities (she was also smart and funny, blah blah blah).
Once I told her I needed a communication break, I felt such immediately relief to be free of her emotional demands, nastiness about other friends, and general melodrama that it became clear the break should be permanent. When she asked me over social media about a year later if I'd "had enough space yet," I felt no need to open the communication door and explain why there couldn't be enough space in the world, so I realized I should block her and I did. I think she knows who she is anyway and she sure didn't treat me like somebody she actually likes.
Last edited by Debsi; 11-24-2018 at 05:47 PM..
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