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Old 03-14-2013, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Louisiana and Pennsylvania
2,755 posts, read 5,308,744 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pruzhany View Post
Yes. Created an acct on FB a few years ago and found numerous people from decades back. Tried to re-kindle old friendships, but after a short time both of us figured we had grown in radically different directions. Thus as time went forward I or the other de-friended the other one on FB. even some that I have at a FB level friendship is being held together by a thin piece of string. With some where I've flown into their cities, we were unable to make contact for whatever reason they made up. Even had one where we were at the same conference for 10 days staying in the same hotel didn't make contact. Its best to leave the past in the past. Finding out new things just destroys past memories. With some over time they've put up a facade, they fear what others will think of them if the truth were to come out.
Well said..I couldn't agree more.
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Old 03-14-2013, 12:54 PM
 
9,014 posts, read 8,279,130 times
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*Ever regretted re-connecting with a former friend?*

Former friends- yes I've reconnected with them & it was fine. No regrets there.
Former family....it never works out. I can't associate w/ the people I grew up with.
They're way too toxic, smug, hateful & envious....
Anytime I second guess myself on this I flashback to the twisted stuff they've pulled, & then I'm back to the realization that I'm better off without them.
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Old 03-14-2013, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Western NY
559 posts, read 1,202,003 times
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Your former friend sounds like a former friend of mine – negative, selfish, insecure, jealous and too often difficult or frustrating to be around. Her best friend stopped talking to her a couple of years before I stopped talking to her. I had continued my friendship with her because of the good times and because I had hoped that she would eventually change, grow and mature. Fortunately I haven’t reconnected with her and I don’t plan to, but I understand why you reconnected with your friend. We think and hope that people will change for the better and we want to give them another chance. It's unfortunate that people like that often stay the same or become even worse.
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Old 03-14-2013, 08:55 PM
 
7,361 posts, read 13,177,847 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Has anyone else ever regretted being friends with someone? I'm not talking about romantic friendships or even friends with benefits, but just plain friends. Anyone?
Its very common. The one thing oft repeated is the whole "Friends (or People) come and go."

Some definitely needed the door slammed shut and sealed behind them. There may be some that you just have hope for. Personally, I'm at a point I am *not* interested in renewing friendships. There were a lot of friendships over the last few years that I ended up closing the door on because I just couldn't handle them anymore. And the reality was-- they couldn't handle me either, though they tried in many different ways, much to my detriment. Too many times, I wonder why we even bothered in the first place. But as it is, friendships shouldn't be so difficult, nor should it be negativity inducing. I am much happier now that these people are out of my life. I do wonder what they're up to, sometimes. But people just don't change and I don't want to be sucked in again.
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Old 03-15-2013, 01:31 PM
 
2,539 posts, read 2,909,505 times
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I have regretted it in times past (reconnecting with old childhood friends). Nothing very recent, however. I like the comment here that there is a reason these friends are in your past. That is a very insightful way to look at this type of situation.
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Old 03-16-2013, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 6,056,449 times
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Sure, but I get over it quickly and move on.
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Old 03-16-2013, 05:59 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,984,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pruzhany View Post
Yes. Created an acct on FB a few years ago and found numerous people from decades back. Tried to re-kindle old friendships, but after a short time both of us figured we had grown in radically different directions. Thus as time went forward I or the other de-friended the other one on FB. even some that I have at a FB level friendship is being held together by a thin piece of string. With some where I've flown into their cities, we were unable to make contact for whatever reason they made up. Even had one where we were at the same conference for 10 days staying in the same hotel didn't make contact. Its best to leave the past in the past. Finding out new things just destroys past memories. With some over time they've put up a facade, they fear what others will think of them if the truth were to come out.
I've had almost the opposite happen with FB, in some cases. Some people I hardly knew before are the people I seem to connect the most with on FB.

I've had varied experiences reconnecting with people. Like the OP, I had lost touch with a friend, and decided to reconnect after I had a dream about her. It has been fine, but we also live in different places.

I've had a couple old friends who now happen to live in the same city as I do, far from our hometown. I've seen them each once in 5 years, and have been disappointed that it just isn't like it used to be.
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Old 03-16-2013, 06:00 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,495 posts, read 74,394,948 times
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spent 6 months to hunt down my childhood best friend-- when he answered the phone he asked why are u calling me.

Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 03-16-2013 at 06:11 PM..
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Old 03-16-2013, 06:10 PM
 
400 posts, read 1,313,629 times
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relationships typically have reasons and last for a season. the friendship/ relationship fizzled for a reason. you shouldn't have gone out of your way to reconnect. it happens but just move on... good luck
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Old 03-17-2013, 02:37 PM
 
6,710 posts, read 6,514,029 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
About 12 yrs ago, I had a friend.

We had a weird friendship which was full of jealousy and frustrations. I talked about her behind her back and I'm sure she also talked about me. The final straw to me was when she became so needy after her fiance broke up with her. I tried to console her for quite a while, taking her calls, emails, trying to tell her it would be alright and she would find someone else.

Then, she up and started dating again, started "forgetting" about spending friendship time with me, so I did something that someone as old as me should know better than to do. I completely ignored her and dropped her as a friend without explaining to her how I felt.

I had been getting more and more annoyed with her and so just stopped talking and never emailed her again.

I did recieve a Christmas card from her, where she said she missed me and would love to get together again. I threw the letter away.

A few years later, I started dreaming about her and thinking about our friendship. I felt so bad for what I did and was even worried about karma. So, I emailed her and she emailed me back. We met for dinner and started hanging out again. Everything was great...in the beginning.

After a couple of years, all the stuff that bothered me about her, came back. Her selfishness. Her little digs at my appearance. If I had any luck at all with anything, she would say something mean like "well everything just works out for you doesn't it?".

So, once again, around Christmas she emailed me about hanging out but this time I said I was busy. I think she knew what was going to happen next so she wrote back, "well keep in touch!". Of course, I never did. And I never explained to her how I felt about her or our friendship.

I never felt like I could trust her, and so could never really tell her anything deep. Sometimes, I lied to her just see what she would say. Little lies. She was a needy person, and a jealous woman. If she saw another woman who was pretty, she always had something bad to say.

Unlike the first time we stopped being friends, this time I only feel regret for getting back in touch with her. Her personality had become even more annoying the 2nd time around. She didn't grow or change and if anytihng, seemed more insecure and vindictive.

I don't want to contact her, and from her last email, I'm pretty sure she feels the same about me.

Now, I just regret ever talking to her the 2nd time around. I actually regret this friendship! I've regretted relationships with guys but never with another girlfriend. She's the first and hopefully the last. To be around such negativity just made my life so hard.

Has anyone else ever regretted being friends with someone? I'm not talking about romantic friendships or even friends with benefits, but just plain friends. Anyone?
It's tough. I've had friends like this as well over the years that I've lost touch with or came to a bad end with. I guess the hope is that at some point they'll grow up and become the sort of people you truly enjoy being around so you can leave the love/hate relationship with them in the past, but that rarely happens. People pretty much are what they are and sometimes they even get worse with age. It's a bummer because I like to think everybody has their redeeming qualities, but some (most) friendships like this where you dislike certain major aspects of their personality are bound to run their course at some point.

Last edited by UrbanAdventurer; 03-17-2013 at 02:47 PM..
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