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Its such a wierd dynamic being around her. She cant make any decision on her own and when you press her for her opinion its "doesnt matter to me" or "whatever you guys want to do". Going to visit the ILs for a few days makes my stomach turn almost. She always has to call several times before we get to their house asking "what do you want for dinner." "what do the kids eat?" "what should I buy from the store?" "I have errands to run, do you have a housekey?" (we have for over 5 years now). She is such a sweet lady and wonderful grandmother but being around her is so weird because she is so passive. I am a brutally honest and upfront person who doesnt sugarcoat, just like her son. And she watches me like a hawk, like I am going to steal something almost. Ugh. What is up with that?
For example, my husband just went to grab creamer for his coffee and grabbed the milk instead, which she noticed. She says "there is creamer in the fridge" and he says "thats ok, its fat free", well now she is all worried that she got the wrong kind and feels bad.
Its such a wierd dynamic being around her. She cant make any decision on her own and when you press her for her opinion its "doesnt matter to me" or "whatever you guys want to do". Going to visit the ILs for a few days makes my stomach turn almost. She always has to call several times before we get to their house asking "what do you want for dinner." "what do the kids eat?" "what should I buy from the store?" "I have errands to run, do you have a housekey?" (we have for over 5 years now). She is such a sweet lady and wonderful grandmother but being around her is so weird because she is so passive. I am a brutally honest and upfront person who doesnt sugarcoat, just like her son. And she watches me like a hawk, like I am going to steal something almost. Ugh. What is up with that?
For example, my husband just went to grab creamer for his coffee and grabbed the milk instead, which she noticed. She says "there is creamer in the fridge" and he says "thats ok, its fat free", well now she is all worried that she got the wrong kind and feels bad.
She sounds like a very caring and concerned woman who really wants you guys to be happy. She might even be a people pleaser. But it's nice that's she so caring because she could have ended up being one of those MILs who wanted nada to do with you and was a jerk all the time. Some in-laws are...a mess! But she really seems like she wants you guys to be comfortable in her home.
Someday you will be a MIL. Chill. She sounds as if she is very insecure. Perhaps she wants you to enjoy yourself or to relax while in her home, but she is concerned that you don't enjoy yourself or ever relax.
You don't have to like her, and you don't have to understand her (although doing so might help you be nice to her) but you should be civil, especially as she is kind and also a good grandmother.
My step grandmother was like that. It drove everyone crazy. We just tried to make the best of it since she couldn't help herself. She was just terribly insecure and too old to change her ways. Now she's gone.
In other words, just deal with it. Be nice and don't pick too hard.
Thanks for the advice....its true, she could be at the other end of he spectrum (crazy) but she isnt and I am thankful for that.
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