Deathbed confessions that have me reeling (This is horrible--warning) (father, husband, siblings)
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I completely understand the "why" of what my sister is asking for, and certainly I don't want to make things worse for her. But its creating a small scale situation that eerily mirrors the larger scale issues in our family. We censor ourselves, lest we put ourselves in the way of wrath for something minor. We walk on eggshells. We NEVER discuss anything that might set off the powder keg.
All of that is ingrained on a deep level in my childhood self. My adult self is completely livid that this is still going on, because there are much bigger elephants in the room than the OCD neatness of my mother's kitchen counter. There is an unresolved conflict here. And I am just exhausted at my years of effort trying to resolve it only be to taken back to square one.
Forgive both of you for this incident. When you are calm, tell her about your response without blaming her and try to find a way that works for both of you. If your mother is not ambulatory, point out that as well. ((Hugs))
I totally get why that stressed you. Its such a minor issue when you have huge problems going on. I'd also resent having to keep up the standards of someone so hateful. I bet you thought to yourself where you'd like to stick that utensil. Sorry to say, its something I'd just try and forget, and chalk it up to a very stressed out sister who has issues of her own. I hope she's not going to try and copy your mom in her daily life, after she passes. We all have to fight doing the same things we didnt like about our parents, and sounds like your little sister might be going down a slippery slope.
Also hoping your friend understands and that you dont feel guilty about not being able to give of yourself. I had a friend going through bad times and my issues were ignored, I totally was there for her, knowing when she was better we could go back to equal sharing. I never felt slighted, only wanted to tell her things that were going on and unload, but I lived through it just fine. Your bestie will too.
After your mom passes, I'd stick every fork, spoon and knife in peanut butter and smear it on the counters. Then I'd yell to mom, "how do like this mom?" I know it sounds silly, but I'd want to show her that this stuff didnt matter to me and that she'd lost her hold over me. And it wouldnt bother me one bit while I cleaned it up. Sometimes we just have to blow. Still sending {{{hugs}}} sweetie.
Confused..... those are some wise words, just posted by Southernbelle and bree! Very wise words indeed. Yes...after your mom passes, it's important that your sister knows just how that behavior takes you back to a horrible place in your mind. It's also important to rebel a little....just to put some humor in there!! Me? I generally leave my dish drainer on the cupboard and I DON'T have to have the kitchen spotless or the dishes done. It's not the most important thing in MY world. I don't have to have everything PERFECT....and that is my form of rebellion.
My mother came to my house years ago, then ran back to my sister and said, "I'm really worried about Mel. I'm afraid that she's depressed. She used to have an immaculate house and it was so cluttered! She's GOT to be depressed or she would NEVER have let her house get into that condition!" Mind you.....I had 4 children! FOUR young children. OMG.....there was EVIDENCE that I had FOUR children. LOL
I told my sister, "No....see, that's the deal. I'm NOT stressed or depressed. For the first time in my life, I'm truly content and happy. I don't GIVE a sh*t if my house isn't spotless. Even more importantly, I didn't stress out that my MOTHER was coming over....didn't feel like I should kill myself to make it spotless .....for HER approval! It's MY house, it's MY kids, it's MY life. See how warped she is that she would "assume" I'm depressed, because I didn't make my house spotless for her!?"
Yes....REBEL for goodness sake! It is YOUR life and you are amazing, considering what that woman attempted to do to you. I just pray that your sister didn't inherit her OCD!
Confused - I get why that was a trigger. And I think that frankly enough is enough. Either they have you help in the manner that you do - or you dont - I dont feel you have to compromise at all - you already have been sacrificed for everyone else far too much. Screw them all.
Confused - I get why that was a trigger. And I think that frankly enough is enough. Either they have you help in the manner that you do - or you dont - I dont feel you have to compromise at all - you already have been sacrificed for everyone else far too much. Screw them all.
Same here. I totally get why that would press every one of Confused's buttons. The insanity is alive and well even as the mother is passing away in the other room. It's no wonder Confused feels as if she's carrying a burden she can't put down ... SHE IS.
Ah, this is so tragic. I hope the writing is helping.
Home now. SO fantastic to be in my sanctuary where spring flowers are in full bloom.
My mom went into a comatose state this morning and could not be roused for about 8 hours. She woke up, and can no longer swallow liquids. Please send your prayers that we are at the end.
My sisters and I have so much work to do, just in helping one another and getting some closure in this crazy family.
My friend's mother died recently and the overwhelming relief was palpable among all but one child. You expect to feel grief but don't. Don't let yourself feel guilty for not feeling grief.
Home now. SO fantastic to be in my sanctuary where spring flowers are in full bloom.
My mom went into a comatose state this morning and could not be roused for about 8 hours. She woke up, and can no longer swallow liquids. Please send your prayers that we are at the end.
My sisters and I have so much work to do, just in helping one another and getting some closure in this crazy family.
Be good to yourself in the next few days.
The problems with your sister(s) may take a new turn later, but now just be in the moment in your own home.
I hope your mom passes peacefully, for the sake of all concerned. I hope you can find comfort among your sibs afterwards. I believe you have amazing inner resources.
Home now. SO fantastic to be in my sanctuary where spring flowers are in full bloom.
My mom went into a comatose state this morning and could not be roused for about 8 hours. She woke up, and can no longer swallow liquids. Please send your prayers that we are at the end.
My sisters and I have so much work to do, just in helping one another and getting some closure in this crazy family.
I really, really, really hope this horrible ordeal is soon over.
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