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My aunt (mom's sister) sent around a message today that really has my youngest sister through the roof. The drama is already starting. I have provided it below, redacted as needed.
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Hello nieces
All of you are in my thoughts during this ordeal. Just think that your Grandma X had three kids, a husband who traveled from Sunday to Friday, and two bedridden parents for weeks and weeks; Aunt X had to go it alone with her husband, while working, for an entire year; and Uncle X dealt with dementia for six years. That British advice of "keep calm and carry on" is sooo difficult under such circumstances.
It's good that you have one another for support.
Please keep us posted.
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I thought it was sort of backhanded but not enough to respond. My aunt has full disclosure of everything that is and has happened in my family during this time. In light of that, I agree that its not in the best taste, though I sure it was meant as a pick me up. My little sister sent her a response, actually sent everyone on the email a response, that told her just what she thought of this and called out my aunt for being dismissive. This will no doubt start a new chapter in their already fraught relationship.
When I get to my destination, my youngest sister, already full of anger, will be incensed and want to talk about this. I am bracing myself.
I can't play therapist to my family. I just have too much on my plate. I am already so very tired.
Confused ((((HUGS)))) If there is one thing that can bring out the dyslexic tongue and brain in people, it's death or impending death. People just don't know what to say and inevitably, say the wrong thing. Perhaps you can share that with your sister. I'm sure that your aunt thought this was the most appropriate thing to say, "You are not alone. Lean on each other for support, during this trying time."
I am a nurse, before becoming a nurse, I was a CNA. I have worked extensively with the sick and dying, as well as their families. When you posted your mom's vitals....well, that was a huge indicator that goodbyes are in order. Everyone deals with death and dying in their own way. There's really no right and wrong. The best anyone can do, is to try not to last out those closest to them....period. Feelings have to go on the back burner until they can be sorted out later.
Your sister clearly has some serious unresolved issues. Hey, she might have even been brainwashed by your mother and right now, in her emotionally weakened state, simply be unable to coherently process anything with a logical mind. Yes.....even THIS will pass, unless of course, your sister has the same mental health issues as your mother had.
God bless you as you head back to the battlefield. Know that you are not alone. We are all with you, sweet Confused. Hang in there honey. It'll all work out, eventually....just guard your heart. <3
I can't play therapist to my family. I just have too much on my plate. I am already so very tired.
Hello confused,
If the good thoughts of people here could hold you up, you'd be soaring. But in spite of all of our collective concern and compassion, we know that all we can really do is listen (well, read, actually) and hope that we can give you a little bit of encouragement. I so wish there was more I could do.
Confused, we are all in your corner as you go through the last steps. As I said early on, you will continue to survive and you will make it through this last step as well. You can only do so much to fix the distance between you and your youngest sister; she has much work to do and only she can do it. Do what you can without getting sucked in, keep your "do not cross" lines in mind when dealing with her and you'll be ok.
Our hearts and prayers are with you, Confused...all peace and blessings to you, as you continue to manage everything so heroically and bravely, during this horrible tragedy of epic proportions. We care about you and wish you the very best and all happiness and comfort, and that the saga with your mother's abuse hopefully comes to a closure soon (along with the karmatic justice that she so eminently deserves). ((sympathetic caring hugs))
Confused, my heart is broken for you, and I am praying for you and your family. A special prayer especially for you though and all that you have endured. You have an such an amazing character, still doing right by your mother through it all. God bless you...
I just read this whole thread and I just wanted to say confusedasusual, that I am truly saddened by what you went thru as a child (this goes for other victims of sexual abuse here as well). Personally if I was in your situation I probably would have took a pillow to your mom's face and suffocated her to put her out of her misery a long time ago. Anyways considering that you are still taking care of her I honestly think you should be nominated for sainthood or something.
Last edited by diablo234; 04-10-2013 at 11:12 PM..
My mother passed away at 6am EST this morning. Her demise was very peaceful.
I arrived last night around 1040 from the airport and she was still in a coma. My sisters and I moved her to give her an evening spongebath and as we did, her eyes opened and she looked frightened but she could not communicate. We talked to her and soothed her, but it was very horrible. She was clearly trapped in her failing body. I was appalled by the amount of wasting that had occurred just since I had been there on Sunday. It was truly unbelievable. I guess I am not around a lot of people who are dying (thankfully) but when her body shut down it was dramatic. I don't know if anything could have really prepared me for seeing that much of a change in three days.
In the morning, my sister got up to go the ladies room around 6. She checked on Mom who had no pulse. She was still very warm and had no stiffness or lividity, so we all think she had passed shortly before. We washed her and dressed her, still talking to her. My sisters prayed over her and I added my thoughts for her peaceful entry into the next world. We got her ready for hospice who came and pronounced the time of death.
Everything was fine until the funeral home took her. That was very sad for so many reasons. But we said our final goodbyes. I am now cleaning up around her house and sorting her things for donation.
Interestingly enough, the FBI called me today regarding my complaint against my father for the first time. I honestly believe I am on some sort of very intense karmic path. I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to. It is just incredible.
Please accept my condolences, Confused. I sincerely hope that the months ahead bring you healing and closure so that you can move forward in life with peace of mind and heart.
I am so sorry about your MA....... I hope you are somehow able to start healing sweetie,i do feel for you
Good luck honey
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