Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My wife went through much of the same things growing up except she was in her early teens so she remembers it well. Even though it only happened once her stepfather (the offender) spent the rest of his life trying to make up for it and ended up dying a painful death. My MIL was afraid to leave him for whatever her reasons were and none of this was ever discussed or known by the rest of the family until "dad" was in his last couple of days. She is "damaged" to be sure and in her early 50's is just now starting to realize she needs to move past her hurt and let it go or be miserable forever.
Also as someone who was physically and mentally abused growing up I have some idea of what goes through ones mind including revenge,hate,anger etc. I can tell you that these posts about recording her moms statements, calling the police or filing suit and taking all he now owns will do nothing to fix the situation.
It's my opinion and experience that revenge just drags things out making coming to peace with yourself as well as moving on impossible, sitting like bile in your throat.
What happened cannot ever be changed or undone, you could string up the perpetrator and flog him/her until they die and it won't change anything except to make you into something you most likely don't want to be.
The only thing that can be changed is how you deal with it and how you live your life from this point on either as a perpetual victim or a survivor.
All I can say is you are a strong, intelligent, compassionate woman of grace and integrity that reminds us all that there are really good people in this world. I sincerely wish you strength as you move forward in life after these revelations. Like others have suggested, I think the counseling you are receiving is important, as this allows you to release steam like a release valve would, and to learn how to navigate your way through this. Keep at it, you've done great so far, you have the track record to prove it.
A gd "doctor" was such a piece of work, 65 years ago, that he sent my baby sister home with my mom, when they KNEW that the infant was born with no RECTUM, and was inevitably going to die! Anyone with any sort of humanity would have told my Father, and the authorities, euthanized it, and told my mom that the baby had died in its sleep. It almost drove my mother insane, watching that kid starve to death, cause she could not keep down any milk. My mom never truly got over it, and I would CHEERFULLY horsewhip that doctor, were he still living!
So I am home now. My mother is still hanging on. Its very interesting how she perks up when certain people visit her, and suddenly has a lot of energy. Its also interesting how none of these people are her children. She really puts on a show for colleagues and men she is still trying to impress.
My sisters and I want this to be over. Once, when she was sleeping, I told her "you did not do your job as a mother. I am a good person despite you." I needed to say it out loud. She gave no indication of having heard me which is fine. When I was leaving she said "You are a good girl." Probably the one and only time she ever said that and it made me cry. I wish I wasn't still so affected by that.
Her friend drove me to the airport. My sisters and I had told her the truth and the whole way to the airport this lady and I discussed what was really happening. She had seen some indicators of my mother's hidden life, so she was sympathetic and seems to believe us.
Thank you for all of your support. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. I will update as things develop.
So I am home now. My mother is still hanging on. Its very interesting how she perks up when certain people visit her, and suddenly has a lot of energy. Its also interesting how none of these people are her children. She really puts on a show for colleagues and men she is still trying to impress.
My sisters and I want this to be over. Once, when she was sleeping, I told her "you did not do your job as a mother. I am a good person despite you." I needed to say it out loud. She gave no indication of having heard me which is fine. When I was leaving she said "You are a good girl." Probably the one and only time she ever said that and it made me cry. I wish I wasn't still so affected by that.
She probably heard you.
Like many others here, I'm in your corner and hope that you find some peace.
Confusedasusual, your mother's behavior seems to completely puzzle you. If you haven't ever done so, I suggest talking to your mother about her childhood. You'll never another opportunity and I suspect learning about her childhood might give you some insights as to her behavior as an adult. The goal isn't forgiveness, but simple understanding of what molded her, which might eventually give you some peace down the road.
When I was leaving she said "You are a good girl." Probably the one and only time she ever said that and it made me cry. I wish I wasn't still so affected by that.
Embrace how you feel, and accept that you will cry. You are a human with feelings. I hope your next session in therapy is helpful in getting through the next days. God bless you.
Confusedasusual, your mother's behavior seems to completely puzzle you. If you haven't ever done so, I suggest talking to your mother about her childhood. You'll never another opportunity and I suspect learning about her childhood might give you some insights as to her behavior as an adult. The goal isn't forgiveness, but simple understanding of what molded her, which might eventually give you some peace down the road.
My husband could never figure out his father. He was the only child but his dad beat him if he looked the wrong way. At the age of 90 (about 2 years ago), his dad's sister finally told us of their childhood and how they were beaten to a pulp every day. Even though my FIL stopped this behavior (at the request of his wife) when my husband was 16, it left scars.
Now, we understand my FIL more and can deal with his reaction to change, etc. better than before.
I know that you are back home but maybe your sisters can talk to her about it.
She raised a very strong girl (you) no matter what happened and for her to say that you are a good girl speaks volumes.
Isn't it a wonder how we all want some kind of validation, especially from family? (No matter what).
Unfortunately you can't choose your family or what happens to you as a child. That's a fact. Of course I'm very sorry you had to go through that messed up childhood. Look on the bright side, you're alive and well and here to tell about it. Some kids aren't even that lucky. I'll never understand men like your father who can do such awful things to people.
As for mom...her conscience should be punishment enough regardless of where she ends up.
That is a tragic story. Thinking of the sweet scared confused little girl you once were breaks my heart. I have no advice or wisdom for you, except to seek the good medical and legal counsel and follow your heart and conscience.
Wishing you peace and closure.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Very true; hopefully, you'll get a chance
