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Old 03-16-2013, 10:55 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,978 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12872

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My aunt has been married for two years. This is her second marriage.

She used to get along with her mother in law just fine. My aunt is a pretty secretive person who does not like to talk about her past or personal life. Not like she has anything to hide. She grew up overseas, Germany to be exact. She also traveled all over the world while she was younger. well, the gentleman my aunt married to is the only child, so the mother in law is overly protective, even at age of 48, he has been treated as a kid sometimes. I know this annoys my aunt. Well, right before my aunt got married, her mother in law asked her about her past, since she lived all over the places, the mother in law accused her of "story does not add up." The truth is that the mother in law came from a very small town, and she didn't understand how can somebody traveled to so many places when they were young, yet at the same time, can be able to speak perfect English.

She adviced her son to run a background check on my aunt and also suggested this gentleman should have kept the options open by dating multiple women before finding the "right one."

Well, the gentleman declinded the suggestion from his mother and ended up married my aunt. Of course, my aunt now disliks her mother in law with a passion because she believed

A. she tried to ruin her relationship for no reasons.
B. Mother in law is crossing the line for wanting to set her then boyfriend now husband up with another woman.

My aunt wants to fix the relationship with her mother in law purely for her husband's sake. But she believe she deserves an apologize from her in law.

Under this circumstance, what is the likelyhood for this relationship to be fixed. Thanks
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Old 03-16-2013, 11:04 AM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,889,825 times
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This happened before they were married. So what. Tell your aunt that SHE won, and to set aside those feelings. They don't matter now. Just tell her to be polite, and nothing more, for the sake of her husband. If MIL does do something to seriously undermine the marriage, tell aunt not to pursue any kind of relationship.
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Old 03-16-2013, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,500 posts, read 3,928,445 times
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How has her MIL been toward her since the wedding?
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Old 03-16-2013, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,978 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12872
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
How has her MIL been toward her since the wedding?
They don't talk. My aunt never stopped her husband from visiting his mother though. Be complete honestly, I don't know the relationship dynamic all that well, I just know that it still bothers my aunt because she felt she has been disliked and violated for no reasons.
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Old 03-16-2013, 12:45 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,009,663 times
Reputation: 22370
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
They don't talk. My aunt never stopped her husband from visiting his mother though. Be complete honestly, I don't know the relationship dynamic all that well, I just know that it still bothers my aunt because she felt she has been disliked and violated for no reasons.
As a mother of a son and four stepchildren, the advice your Aunt's MIL gave her son was very good advice, indeed. In fact, it should be something we ALL advise our adult children to do, if they haven't figured out the wisdom in it themselves.

In addition, people are foolish to marry someone without seeing a full financial disclosure from their potential spouse. Marriage is a contract and once you enter into it, there are legal ramifications that will affect both people, including debt, credit score, judgments, etc.

Your Aunt needs to stop creating a drama over this "violation." Her MIL had every right as a good parent to advise her son to check out ANYONE before he married them. You better believe I had this discussion with all my children prior to their getting married.

Before I married my husband, we exchanged Net Worth statements, credit reports, and health records.
People in love can be terribly naive and trusting . . . if more folks were cognizant of the legal aspects of the contract of marriage, perhaps people would not end up in situations with big surprises down the road.

Your Aunt is looking for a reason not to get along with her MIL. This has nothing to do with your Aunt being "good enough" to marry MIL's son . . . this has to do with a MIL looking out for her son's best interests b/f he enters into a legal contract!!!

Even a business will do a background check b/f they hire someone and -- dear me! -- getting married is a lot more of a commitment than hiring an employee!

If MIL had doubts about DIL, your Aunt is sure proving that she is a difficult person to get along with by acting like a pouting child over a non-issue. She needs to get a grip and get over it.
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Old 03-16-2013, 02:54 PM
 
13,136 posts, read 20,702,481 times
Reputation: 35314
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post

My aunt wants to fix the relationship with her mother in law purely for her husband's sake. But she believe she deserves an apologize from her in law.

Under this circumstance, what is the likelyhood for this relationship to be fixed. Thanks
In my opinion, insincere apologies are pointless. The better path would be for your aunt to slowly win over her MIL, by letting the MIL see how happy her son is, and how wrong she was to doubt his ability to pick a wife. If an apology follows, great.

I don't think daughter-in-laws owe their MIL's the world, but I do think they need to appreciate them for their experience and the sons they raised. DILs also need to realize that just because the MIL did things differently, it isn't a criticism of them.
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