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Old 03-19-2013, 01:19 PM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,272,773 times
Reputation: 2357

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You poor thing. You are missing out on some great friendships! My best friend is gay and I wouldn't trade him for anyone in the world.

It sounds as though you feel like your sexual orientation could be the subject of judgment by others. I assure you that if it is, you are just not around the right straight people. If you opened up a little, you might be pleasantly surprised.
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Old 03-19-2013, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Louisiana and Pennsylvania
2,755 posts, read 5,308,744 times
Reputation: 2685
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I'm straight, and I guess I am a stereotype in that I do have several gay male friends. It's never been awkward, and I'm friends with them for the same reasons that I'm friends with anyone else--they're smart, fun, interesting people. Who they sleep with is irrelevant.
Thank you..Took the words right out of my mouth
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Old 03-19-2013, 03:06 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,397,464 times
Reputation: 19624
Look, you talk about being "in your face" about it. I don't want straight people being in my face about it either.

It's not like you are going to talk to your friends about having sex. If someone is your friend, you can talk to them about your date, your day, etc.

What do I talk with my gay friend about? My day. The weather. My boyfriend. TV. Politics. What I did over the weekend. Aggravations of life.

You see? People are people and you can just talk. It's not like you have to talk about your sex life. I really don't talk to my straight friends about my sex life because it is my own personal business.

I do think you have some personal hangups and that you may be lacking some self-confidence. You are worried about people judging you. I guess you know gay guys aren't going to judge you for being gay. Guess what? They may judge you for something else.

I came across my friend who is homosexual rather by accident. I moved to a new area and needed a new Starbucks. He happens to be a barista there. I kind of just made friends with everyone there and he is one of them. He is a great guy and I consider him a good friend. He is confident in himself and open about his sexuality.

At any rate, work on being happy with yourself and try and stay positive in life. You get what you give is always my motto. I give positivity and for the most part, I get it back.
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Old 03-19-2013, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,645 posts, read 4,760,087 times
Reputation: 18884
Don't you feel that pre-judging all straight people by making assumptions about them is just the same as people pre-judging you based on YOUR sexual identity?
We (straight folks) are just as varied in our opinions and views as gay people. Some are conservative, some liberal, some snooty, some friendly, some smart, some crazy, you name it. I have always had gay friends. I knew my friends were gay before they had even had their first gay relationship. We all talked openly about our crushes, our exciting news, our disappointments. We laughed and cried together, because that's what friends do. I get that you aren't comfortable yet being out, and maybe you are transmitting that unease to others around you. I could see how that might make it hard to make friends. I hope that as you relax into your own life, you will open up to the nice people around you, straight and gay, and make true honest friends that you can be yourself with.
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Old 03-19-2013, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,499,615 times
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Dayton, maybe you fear straight people will judge you because you haven't had the experience of having straight friends. And now it's a vicious cycle. Certainly some straight people WILL judge you — some straight people judge me ... and I'm straight.

I don't know very many people who talk about their sex lives to their friends. It doesn't come up, maybe because I don't bring it up (with straights or gays), so they don't bring it up with me. I had one late, great gay male friend (I miss him every day), who told me about some of his dating exploits, but just in the same way one of my straight female friends would confide in me.

What fleetiebelle said is true for me, too. I look for people who are smart, fun, and interesting. I usually become friends with people I have something in common with. We went to school together, we worked together, or we were involved in the same politics or charity. I'm into art and poetry, so I've been in dozens and dozens of art and writing workshops over the years. I got some of my best friends that way. And given that many gay people are interested in those things, I have a lot of gay friends. They got me involved with a gay-related charity where I've volunteered for years now.

I have become close friends with a lesbian couple over the years. They were my neighbors at one time. They have a beautiful home, they're great cooks, and they make their guests feel like royalty. Who wouldn't want to spend time at their house? And neither one of them hits on me.

If you're mostly worried about being friends with a single, straight male, I wouldn't start there. There might be some confusion as to your motivation if you pursue a friendship like that out of the blue. But surely there are other people to be friends with. Don't restrict yourself so much in regards to things like age, gender, or race. Many types of people can enrich your life. And you'll get to know some non-judgmental straight men along the way — my straight brothers both have gay male friends.

I'd suggest you try to do THINGS that are interesting without the stated goal of making friends. That will come naturally when you meet people you share interests and values with.
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Old 03-19-2013, 06:00 PM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,572 posts, read 6,548,122 times
Reputation: 4022
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I came across my friend who is homosexual rather by accident. I moved to a new area and needed a new Starbucks. He happens to be a barista there. I kind of just made friends with everyone there and he is one of them. He is a great guy and I consider him a good friend. He is confident in himself and open about his sexuality.
I met my last gay guy friend the same way; he was a barista at Starbucks. In fact, I have two other friends made also from this same Starbucks, even though I haven't set foot in a Starbucks at all in a long long time.
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Old 03-19-2013, 07:30 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,843 posts, read 20,088,671 times
Reputation: 12305
Seems in my circle of friends it's kind of normal for there to be a mix of everyone. We are who we are.

I'm surprised it's an issue to you, OP.
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Old 03-19-2013, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Earth
438 posts, read 558,920 times
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I am a straight woman with many gay friends, both male and female. I have some transgender friends too.
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Old 03-19-2013, 08:43 PM
 
4,212 posts, read 6,686,754 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayton Sux View Post
Here's an odd one.

How do you all feel about gays and lesbians as friends?

I'm gay and personally I am very wary or on-gaurd around straight people in work and social situations. I don't think I could have them as friends, not because I'm hostile, just because it's sort of awkward.

My partner didn't seem to have this problem. He had a lot of "work friends" (who we saw socially after work) and this didnt seem to interfere (he was more ...maybe more comfortable around people and also with being gay).

Have you all had any experience with lesbians or gays as freinds (not family members or co-workers)?
If you're a flaming gay man and obvious, I can understand why it might be hard to go out with "the boys" to a dive bar and watch the game. Just do what you're comfortable with it and not worry what others think. As long as you are not prejudging all straight guys.
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Old 03-19-2013, 10:05 PM
 
2,575 posts, read 4,673,543 times
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I lived in San Francisco for 18 years and tons of gay and lesbian friends - friends that I did things with like have over for parties, dine out with, etc. Since I don't believe homosexuality is a choice, in general, it's sort of like asking if I'd be friends with redheads or people with big ears.
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