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I don't know very many people who talk about their sex lives to their friends. It doesn't come up, maybe because I don't bring it up (with straights or gays), so they don't bring it up with me.
Yes, of course no one talks about what they do in bed..their sex lives...this isn't normal conversation. I feel that if I mention I have date or talk about doing things with my boyfriend or partner, yes I am by implication talking about my sex life even if I say nary a word about sex.
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I do think you have some personal hangups and that you may be lacking some self-confidence. You are worried about people judging you. I guess you know gay guys aren't going to judge you for being gay. Guess what? They may judge you for something else
LOL...yes obviously I do have a lot of internalized homophobia, compounded by being pretty introverted anyway....
.... but for some reason when I'm around gays I can...relax? Let my hair down? Not be so gaurded? Be more extroverted?
With lesbians & gays I'm sort of on a level playing field and I'm OK if they judge me for something else...that's ok. With straights it's...different.
I should say it wasnt a problem for my partner, but then most of his work friends were female, which isn't too uncommon (actually a bit of a stereotype): women having gay friends.
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As long as you are not prejudging all straight guys.
My default position is that str8 people will be uncool with it, so either I don't bring it up or I edit it out (but not to the point about making up a fictional private life...I won't go that far)...as in, say, workplace conversation where "what did you do this weekend" becomes "I went to Podunk Indiana to tour this historic house" vs "I and my partner went to Podunk Indiana to tour this historic house"
...so i can be civil and freindly without being gay.
This approach is fine for casual conversation and casual aquaintances and I managed to survive my 28 years out that way. But I dont think that type of edting works with friendship beyond causal aquaintance.
"partner" might not even be the off-putting word you think it is
I'm so used to hearing gay men and women talk about their "partners" that I just do it myself now.
It seems strange and immature to me, at 43, to say "my boyfriend," so I started saying "partner." Since I don' share much detail about my private life with co-workers, I'm sure at least half of them must think I'm gay at this point, since they associate "partner" with "gay." Oh well!
Yes, of course no one talks about what they do in bed..their sex lives...this isn't normal conversation. I feel that if I mention I have date or talk about doing things with my boyfriend or partner, yes I am by implication talking about my sex life even if I say nary a word about sex.
LOL...yes obviously I do have a lot of internalized homophobia, compounded by being pretty introverted anyway....
.... but for some reason when I'm around gays I can...relax? Let my hair down? Not be so gaurded? Be more extroverted?
With lesbians & gays I'm sort of on a level playing field and I'm OK if they judge me for something else...that's ok. With straights it's...different.
I should say it wasnt a problem for my partner, but then most of his work friends were female, which isn't too uncommon (actually a bit of a stereotype): women having gay friends.
My default position is that str8 people will be uncool with it, so either I don't bring it up or I edit it out (but not to the point about making up a fictional private life...I won't go that far)...as in, say, workplace conversation where "what did you do this weekend" becomes "I went to Podunk Indiana to tour this historic house" vs "I and my partner went to Podunk Indiana to tour this historic house"
...so i can be civil and freindly without being gay.
This approach is fine for casual conversation and casual aquaintances and I managed to survive my 28 years out that way. But I dont think that type of edting works with friendship beyond causal aquaintance.
If someone is a true friend, it really is no big deal. I will be honest and tell you the first time I heard my friend use the word 'partner' it sounded a little funny. I am living in an area where there are people of all races and cultures, gay, straight, all of that whereas I was living in a fairly small town in a rural area and then <gasp> I lived right in the middle of a bunch of Amish!
For me, moving here to the city took a lot of getting used to. The driving, the people, the everything. So, the first time he used the term, it sounded a little weird. I had not really personally heard it used outside of a business sense. I let it roll through my head and understood that he meant his bf or SO and that is all there was too it. No biggie.
Straight people aren't as scary as you think we are. =) I am sure there are some out there who are going to be judgmental, but guess what? They are not your friends. I have done a lot of growing since becoming friends with this young man. I have in the past had more of a religious mind-set on many things involving homosexual people and I am happy to say I have changed that mind-set.
I don't see it as a problem having friends that are gay. My brother is gay and I don't see him as a problem. The fact is that people are people and what they choose to do with their personal life is their decision and not mine to make.
How do you all feel about gays and lesbians as friends?
I'm gay and personally I am very wary or on-gaurd around straight people in work and social situations. I don't think I could have them as friends, not because I'm hostile, just because it's sort of awkward.
Um. I'm gay and pretty much all my friends are straight.
I cannot for the life of my wrap my head around making friends based on sexual orientation.
That would be like straight guys only hanging out with other straight guys who like girls with blonde hair. It's ridiculous.
I don't for one second understand why it would be awkward. Gay is just who you are attracted to sexually specifically when you meet those few people you are attracted to in the first place. Meaning, every straight woman does not find every straight guy attractive. In fact, the percentage is usually pretty tiny. So why would a gay person and a straight person have any awkwardness at all? The chances are low you'd even ever be attracted to each other.
I will never understand the concept of making who you're attracted to such a big part of your life that it affects you socially, your hobbies, your work life, your career goals, your politics, your movie choices, your taste in clothes, your hairstyle, etc. It makes ZERO sense.
How do you all feel about gays and lesbians as friends?
I'm gay and personally I am very wary or on-gaurd around straight people in work and social situations. I don't think I could have them as friends, not because I'm hostile, just because it's sort of awkward.
My partner didn't seem to have this problem. He had a lot of "work friends" (who we saw socially after work) and this didnt seem to interfere (he was more ...maybe more comfortable around people and also with being gay).
Have you all had any experience with lesbians or gays as freinds (not family members or co-workers)?
I'm a female who's had a few gay male friends over the years. I enjoyed them. I can certainly understand your own suspicions of straight people considering all the prejudices and misconceptions out there (I'll never for the life of me understand why this is), but not all people are like this.
My best gay male friend lived next door to me for awhile and he was the girly type, looked better than me in a dress, was sweet as pie. We did a lot together. I sure missed him when he moved across town due to financial reasons.
Bottom line is that while most people have common interests with their friends, there will always be differences. If it's not sexuality, it may be marital status or parenthood, religion or politics, education level or a million other things. Good friends will respect your differences and won't judge or hold them over your head. OP has every right to be friends with whomever he chooses, but at the same time he shouldn't write off huge swathes of people out of fear.
im gay and 99% of my friends are straight... i came out at school in 2011 and got very positive reactions... i was scared of opening up because there is still a lot of nasty intolerant people out there but i got lucky
I am a heterosexual married woman who has always had very close gay and lesbian friends. I grew up in Atlanta in the 1960's and 1970's to parents who had lots of gay and lesbian friends. My mom's two best friends were a lesbian couple and I had to be told not to give it away that the one of them who taught kindergarten at my school was a lesbian or else she would lose her job and her teacher's license. In college, my best friend was a gay man and later on when he was dying of AIDS and was abandoned by his family and so-called friends, I moved him in with my family so I could look after him until he died. I have lots and lots of gay and lesbian friends of all ages worldwide and they are dear to my heart. In fact, my husband and I are active in the fight for gay rights and feel perfectly comfortable at a Gay Pride parade with friends.
Maybe you are worried about disapproval? We are Atheists so had not been raised to think of homosexuality as a "sin." We love our friends because they are loyal, faithful friends we have things in common with and have fun with. Whether they were born heterosexual or homosexual isn't an issue. It's all about the individual person which is why I have friends who are different skin colors from me and who come from different countries or who are religious when I am an Atheist. Yes, of course you can have close heterosexual friends as long as they are not homophobic.
How do you all feel about gays and lesbians as friends?
I'm gay and personally I am very wary or on-gaurd around straight people in work and social situations. I don't think I could have them as friends, not because I'm hostile, just because it's sort of awkward.
My partner didn't seem to have this problem. He had a lot of "work friends" (who we saw socially after work) and this didnt seem to interfere (he was more ...maybe more comfortable around people and also with being gay).
Have you all had any experience with lesbians or gays as freinds (not family members or co-workers)?
Unless you live in a part of the country where homosexuality is still looked down upon by most people, this is absolutely ridiculous.
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"partner" might not even be the off-putting word you think it is
