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Old 03-21-2013, 11:54 AM
 
548 posts, read 795,229 times
Reputation: 204

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Yeah yeah yeah

 
Old 03-21-2013, 12:08 PM
 
10,510 posts, read 8,439,237 times
Reputation: 19262
Op, has anyone ever suggested that you might have Asperger's Syndrome? If so, that may explain many of your difficulties.

People here are ready and willing and happy to offer suggestions. But as you know, you are the one who has to decide what is best for you to do. Everyone posting here realizes that. However, many posters have experience and knowledge that might help you in various ways. Please don't feel offended when people ask you different questions or suggest different things to try. We are trying to help you, not hurt you, and even if you don't like the suggestions, they are coming from people who care about you without even knowing you. Those people deserve to be treated politely and not blown off - they've voluntarily spent their time and effort to try to help you.

Responses such as that one you addressed to me come across as being extremely adolescent, rude and unappreciative, and are a real turn-off to trying to offer you new ideas or suggestions. Please realize that everyone posting here is a real person, not just words on a computer screen, and not new targets for you to blow off or verbally abuse.

If you want to change, yes, you must make that change yourself. But if you're wise, you'll learn from others' experiences. That's what you certainly appeared to be trying to do when you first started this thread. Fine. Other posters responded accordingly, with questions, suggestions, ideas - all of which you've rejected, with a very seemingly superior, looking-down-your nose attitude to boot.

My guess is that your excess attitude is covering a lot of fear, that you deliberately blow off people before they can reject you irl. That's not helpful irl, and it's certainly neither helpful nor necessary here. No one knows who you are irl; all we know about you is what you've shared here and how you come across.

It looks to me as if you're trying to aggravate everyone here so much that they all quit responding to you - so that then you can tell yourself "See! I tried, and no one would help me!" If you can convince yourself of this, then it becomes anyone else's fault but your own that you can't get a driver's license, can't get a job, can't bestir yourself to do anything productive....because no one would help you.

Well, too bad. Maybe you can convince yourself of this, but believe me, it's not convincing to anyone else. You're distorting helpful, caring people into those you can blame for what's primarily your own problem. What I suspect is a long engrained habit of rejecting others before they can reject you seems to be happening here, too, although it makes no sense whatsoever, is not helping you in any way, and is turning off just about everyone who's been gracious enough to respond to you.

So drop the pretense and the rudeness, grow a little humility, and quit rejecting everything everyone has suggested, until you give it long, hard thought. Why can't you start a dog-walking/pet-sitting business? Why can't you offer to do spring cleaning and/or yardwork in your neighborhood? Can you bag groceries? How about a housecleaning service around your block? Help neighbors with yardsales? Start crafting, and sell stuff on Etsy? Volunteer somewhere? Do something - anything - which makes you feel good about your work and gives you some self-respect.

Then perhaps you won't project so much of your own negativity onto innocent others.
 
Old 03-21-2013, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,820 posts, read 6,366,210 times
Reputation: 4886
Behind that tough exterior, I see a person who is very down on themselves. There is a way to manage depression if that's what you suffer from. If you are on the defensive all the time, I'd say you struggle with self esteem problems. No one here is really judging you because we don't know you. We only go by what you write here and react to that.
If you'd rather not hear what others have to say to you, so be it, it's your choice. Most of us have been there, done that, some even got the Tshirt.
 
Old 03-21-2013, 12:25 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,433 posts, read 29,499,460 times
Reputation: 19626
My daughter has Aspergers and is nothing like the OP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Op, has anyone ever suggested that you might have Asperger's Syndrome? If so, that may explain many of your difficulties.

People here are ready and willing and happy to offer suggestions. But as you know, you are the one who has to decide what is best for you to do. Everyone posting here realizes that. However, many posters have experience and knowledge that might help you in various ways. Please don't feel offended when people ask you different questions or suggest different things to try. We are trying to help you, not hurt you, and even if you don't like the suggestions, they are coming from people who care about you without even knowing you. Those people deserve to be treated politely and not blown off - they've voluntarily spent their time and effort to try to help you.

Responses such as that one you addressed to me come across as being extremely adolescent, rude and unappreciative, and are a real turn-off to trying to offer you new ideas or suggestions. Please realize that everyone posting here is a real person, not just words on a computer screen, and not new targets for you to blow off or verbally abuse.

If you want to change, yes, you must make that change yourself. But if you're wise, you'll learn from others' experiences. That's what you certainly appeared to be trying to do when you first started this thread. Fine. Other posters responded accordingly, with questions, suggestions, ideas - all of which you've rejected, with a very seemingly superior, looking-down-your nose attitude to boot.

My guess is that your excess attitude is covering a lot of fear, that you deliberately blow off people before they can reject you irl. That's not helpful irl, and it's certainly neither helpful nor necessary here. No one knows who you are irl; all we know about you is what you've shared here and how you come across.

It looks to me as if you're trying to aggravate everyone here so much that they all quit responding to you - so that then you can tell yourself "See! I tried, and no one would help me!" If you can convince yourself of this, then it becomes anyone else's fault but your own that you can't get a driver's license, can't get a job, can't bestir yourself to do anything productive....because no one would help you.

Well, too bad. Maybe you can convince yourself of this, but believe me, it's not convincing to anyone else. You're distorting helpful, caring people into those you can blame for what's primarily your own problem. What I suspect is a long engrained habit of rejecting others before they can reject you seems to be happening here, too, although it makes no sense whatsoever, is not helping you in any way, and is turning off just about everyone who's been gracious enough to respond to you.

So drop the pretense and the rudeness, grow a little humility, and quit rejecting everything everyone has suggested, until you give it long, hard thought. Why can't you start a dog-walking/pet-sitting business? Why can't you offer to do spring cleaning and/or yardwork in your neighborhood? Can you bag groceries? How about a housecleaning service around your block? Help neighbors with yardsales? Start crafting, and sell stuff on Etsy? Volunteer somewhere? Do something - anything - which makes you feel good about your work and gives you some self-respect.

Then perhaps you won't project so much of your own negativity onto innocent others.
 
Old 03-21-2013, 01:17 PM
 
10,510 posts, read 8,439,237 times
Reputation: 19262
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
My daughter has Aspergers and is nothing like the OP.
Some of the people I've known who have Asperger's come across as socially clueless, and a number of them also appeared to have misdirected, sort of passive-aggressive anger and frustration, apparently due to their lack of social success.

One young man of around 20 didn't understand why he needed to bathe prior to engaging in physical activities involving others, "since I'm just going to get all sweaty and dirty anyway", and the same guy thought it was funny to stick out his foot in front of others, including a woman with a back injury, to try to trip them. A big guy, he rarely changed clothes and would also crunch others' offered hands upon meeting them, especially if others were wearing rings, because he thought it was funny to see them flinch from pain. Others attempted to spell things out to him, as he didn't understand why he was disliked, but he just didn't get it. He didn't seem to perceive others as individuals capable of feelings like himself, but as something alien, put there for his service or amusement.

I once worked with a woman in her early 30s, who would stand far too close to other people and talk on and on and on about whatever very esoteric topics interested her, regardless of context or setting or response or lack of response. If people would edge back from her, she'd very obviously, deliberately step forward - very in your face. She clearly knew better (she was very intelligent and had been counseled about this) but also seemed entertained by others' discomfort at her invasion of their personal space. It was a passive-aggressive, controlling technique. Her personal grooming was lacking as well, though not as bad as that of the large man described above. More scruffy than dirty, and not particularly professional, given her job. She was well-educated, with a professional degree, but was not well-suited to working in that particular setting.

Yet another young man, a workplace client, would approach my coworkers and loudly inquire if they loved him, using their names: "Ms Smith, do you love me??? Why don't you love me??? Why don't you want me to ask you if you love me???". He would also walk on his hands (you can't make up this stuff!) directly in front of our main service desk. His diagnosis was Asperger's syndrome (although I suspect he had a LOT more going on). He was not developmentally delayed.

Obviously, not everyone with Asperger's shares these traits. But I do see a pattern in the OP's messages which resembles some of these difficult behaviors and attitudes.
 
Old 03-21-2013, 03:52 PM
 
548 posts, read 795,229 times
Reputation: 204
I don't have that disorder ok.
 
Old 03-21-2013, 04:14 PM
 
43 posts, read 58,160 times
Reputation: 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by napy666 View Post
I don't have that disorder ok.

NAPY666, ok, you are not an apsie, understood.
I for one never thought you were. I have it very mildly myself, and can clearly see that you do not have aspergers based on your writing. (Yeah, we can be sometimes intuitive with our own syndromes that way, funny how that works.)

However, if I may ask (and do not take this as an insult because it is definitely NOT meant to be, we are trying to figure out where you are coming from and to help you) ..

..do you have mild fragile x syndrome, by any chance? High functioning, of course, for you do come across as intelligent seeming for someone who can at the same time come across as so surly and childishly immature). Because, if you do have a mild case of Fragile X, then that would explain a LOT!

If not, carry on and forget I mentioned it. We are just trying to understand you better, and to help. People might be a lot more sympathetic to your causes here and willing to help you properly if only they knew a slight bit more about what lies deep beneath the surface there in your DNA, which you should never be blamed for. I want to see if you will actually respond to this. Do you have principles and guts? You asked and we took a lot of time collectively here to answer you, so what do you say? Or are we all wasting our breath on you, so to speak?
 
Old 03-21-2013, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
1,550 posts, read 3,077,253 times
Reputation: 1219
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
My daughter has Aspergers and is nothing like the OP.
I agree. Maybe a personality disorder of some type would be my guess. If she has not worked in her life, why would anyone hire her? She's 25 years old with NO experience folks and unwilling to work at ANY job.

I've read most of your post people and I was thinking she playing a cruel joke on you all or there is mental illness you are dealing with which none of you can help if this is for real. In either case, I'm OUT see ya
 
Old 03-21-2013, 05:47 PM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,531,731 times
Reputation: 28901
Quote:
Originally Posted by napy666 View Post
Ever since I was little my mom and I have been fighting yelling on and off no matter when we talk. Why?I honestly don't know. I guess we fight because she hates how I have done anything with my life.

While she has to go to work everyday and I get to stay home. She says I don't deserve to drive, get my license, or insurance, because I need money and a job first.
She's right.

Quote:
Originally Posted by napy666 View Post
I just don't know how to make my mom happy and get her off my back.
Get a job and earn some money.

Quote:
Originally Posted by napy666 View Post
When I go and apply to jobs I should not put any job experience what so ever and then I will get a job. Why should I apply to a job and not say I have a job when I do write for magazines to me thats a job.
Sorry, but it's not a job unless you're getting paid for it. All you can claim right now is exploitation. If you have a few clips, you should not be writing for free--and don't tell me that no one pays because there are several writers on this site who not only get paid for their writing, but they make a living at it and either live alone or have families.

You need to find a way to support yourself or at least contribute to household expenses. No one likes a mooch, and your mother is well within her rights to be fed up with you leeching off of her. I don't care if it's flipping burgers at McDonald's. Get a dang job.
 
Old 03-21-2013, 05:53 PM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,531,731 times
Reputation: 28901
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
Patently false.

Besides why do you care if they do not pay nor offer you a job? You're "writing" as it is.
No, she's right. Why on earth would they pay her if she's so willing to work for free?

That is the problem with writers who allow themselves to be exploited. They think that one day their publisher will magically suddenly think their work is worth paying for. I'm willing to bet that these "magazines" are webzines that she found out of Craigslist that say "we can't pay you, but we can give you exposure." That is NOT how you make a living as a writer. Trust me on this.
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