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Old 03-22-2013, 12:10 AM
 
2,764 posts, read 4,126,607 times
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Sending a warning on this one. This is a messed up story, and I don't know how much is 100% accurate.
Here goes as simple as I can:

mid 1990's
Guy#1 meets gal in high school. Early 2000's Guy#1 and gal get married. Mid 2000's guy#1 and gal have 2 children together. Throughout all this, gal goes to college, get a BSN degree, and becomes a nurse. She excels at her job, good mom, good wife. Guy#1 on the other hand, is lazy, works security jobs mostly, spends more than he earns, piles up credit card debt behind wifes back, has many many other secrets and lies that are still unknown and uncovered recently. Eventually, the guy#1 and gal get divorced (early 2010). Gal wins custody of children, with court ordered child support, and the guy#1 gets the kids for a couple nights once every 2 weeks approximately.
This is where is gets kinda interesting:
early 2010:
guy#1 gets a job as a jailor in a city jail.
Ex-wife marries guy #2 (2011-2012).
Guy #1 belittles the ex wife on days picking up the kids for custody visits.
Guy#2 gets tired of guy#1 treating his wife poorly.
Through text messages that get nasty, guy#1 goes to the police station to file complaints of harassing texts.
Guy#2 does the same thing (files harassment complaint re: texts on guy#1).
Things calm down a bit.
More drama occurs, but to my knowledge, guy#2 stopped the harassing text messages.
Guy#2 gets arrested at his home.
3 cops show up at house with a warrant, and tell guy#2 he is getting arrested. Cops do not tell guy#2 the charges, nor do they read him miranda rights (is that just a movie thing?). Turns out guy#1 claims guy#2 is stalking guy#1 and threatened guy#1 verbally (no evidence to my knowledge). Guy#2 denies events leading to the current arrest charges.
Guy#2 was booked with harassment charge, hand cuffed, fingerprinted, had to be bailed out, the whole bit.

Does this story (harassment arrest processing) add up ?
Anyone ever known someone to be arrested for 'harassment' or even something similar that could make this sound mostly possible, vs. some crazy twisted story ?
Is guy#2 helpless here? This just doesn't seem to add up. Assuming that the story is 100% true, what can guy#2 do to protect himself in the future from hear-say type harassment allegations ? Especially now that he has been ARRESTED once for harassment.
Guy#1 seems to have used some pull as a jailor, and also some tactics learned while being a jailor to accumulate enough harassment complaints by filing the complaints with another city. But, is this type of outside the box or so it seems legal processing even possible ? It sounds like something from an old western movie, or it is so convoluted, no one knows the whole true story....

I don't even know if this is the proper forum for this....
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Old 03-22-2013, 03:01 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,689 posts, read 19,798,354 times
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moral of the story....never put it in writing
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Old 03-22-2013, 03:32 AM
 
7,363 posts, read 13,188,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
moral of the story....never put it in writing
And to get a really good lawyer.


I guess the story's not too far-fetched. I guess the more questionable part would be the "jailor" job part of it. What exactly is a "jailor"... Is he a warden or a security/corrections officer?

I know a similar story which is far too convoluted to even put on here... I'm always amazed at the mess that people are willing to create and how far they'll go. Don't go choosing sides because ultimately, its just dumb.
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Old 03-22-2013, 06:02 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,046,730 times
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It depends on the state you live in and in many cases, the local DA, as to how stalking and harrassment charges are handled.

This is something I have researched (profession related) in regard to mental health workers and crisis training, and the variance across the country is mind boggling.

In some jurisdictions, all a person has to do is build a case with the police dept, reporting that they were followed, called, threatened, texted, etc, file a complaint, and yes, police will literally handcuff a person and haul them into the police station.

So I believe that the scenario you outlined is very possible, depending on the way stalking and harrassment charges are handled in the jurisdiction where the folks live.
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Old 03-22-2013, 06:35 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,046,730 times
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You asked what a person can do to defend himself against these kinds of trumped up charges. Sadly, there isn't much. The first thing is, never ever text or call a person who is antagonistic. The bigger the nut, the more likely they are to use the system against the other person. The average guy is reluctant to draw law enforcement into his life. People with nefarious motives know this and especially if they are anti-social, they will figure out how to "flip" a situation.

In other words, these folks are quick to accuse the other person of doing exactly what they themselves have actually been doing. This is called "flipping." So the first thing to do is --if you are having to deal with an Ex who is doing such things as harrassment and stalking, understand that whatever he is doing to you, he will vigorously work to not only defend himself against charges, he will assign his own behaviors to you and try to prove that you are the problem, the aggressor.

To put it simply, he sets a trap.

So you can't play a crazy person's game cause you are walking into a trap and you don't even know the rules of the game. That is what the crazies count on. they press buttons and know they will get a response and then they use it against you, even if they are the aggressor.

You have to have a very structured method of dealing with them. Preferably, you only deal with them through an attorney. You never call them. You never leave a message. You never text them. If you email them, you only state what must be stated, i.e. Jenna will be at MacDonalds with her grandparents on Sat at 9 am for you to pick her up, per the terms of your custody agreement. <nothing more. no room for more discussion> If you get a reply back, you either do not acknowledge, assuming the other guy wants to nitpick or start an argument (pressing buttons) or you state again that per the terms of the agreement, the following will occur.

Where people go wrong is, they respond to the BS. You have to deal with these types by the letter of the law. If he is supposed to have the kids from 9 am on Sat to 5 pm on Sun you do not make exceptions. You do exactly as outlined and don't discuss further. Any communication should be via email so nothing is twisted. Any messages left on your phone should be recorded and never responded to.

All your interaction has to be documented. You may find you have to document your own life to prove that you were nowhere near the crazy person, as you may well be accused and you will need to defend yourself!

It seems crazy to go to these lengths, but this is what you will wish you have done if you end up on the receiving end of someone's twisted campaign to prove he is the good guy and you are the aggressor.

Keep a daily diary of your actions; this is admissible in court if kept up to date on a daily basis. Never even mention the guy's name in front of the stepchildren so they can't repeat things to bio-dad.

Most of all, anyone who is dealing with these types of people needs a good attorney who understands what it means to deal with an aggressive person who is flipping situations.

I know you (OP) are not the person dealing directly with the crazy -- it was just easier to write this in second person. Just wanted to clarify the use of "you" :-)
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Old 03-22-2013, 07:05 AM
 
2,764 posts, read 4,126,607 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
And to get a really good lawyer.


I guess the story's not too far-fetched. I guess the more questionable part would be the "jailor" job part of it. What exactly is a "jailor"... Is he a warden or a security/corrections officer?

I know a similar story which is far too convoluted to even put on here... I'm always amazed at the mess that people are willing to create and how far they'll go. Don't go choosing sides because ultimately, its just dumb.
In this case, the jailor is someone who only works at the prison. He is not an officer of the law. Basically, he is security at the prison. No college education was required for the jailor job. And oddly, even though I know jailors in other states, and I know there is a physical fitness requirement in some (if not all) states, somehow this guy#1 slipped through without passing the physical fitness requirement. Someone referred guy#1 to the job.
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Old 03-22-2013, 07:10 AM
 
2,764 posts, read 4,126,607 times
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Thanks, anifani821, that was well written.
And no, I am not either guy in the story. Honestly, I am just glad that I am not mixed up in the whole situation. I couldn't imagine having to deal with that on a day to day basis. Such added stress.
I don't even think it would matter who guy#2 would have been. I think guy#1 would have made life horrible for the ex-wife and whoever she married.
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Old 03-22-2013, 07:33 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,046,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
Thanks, anifani821, that was well written.
And no, I am not either guy in the story. Honestly, I am just glad that I am not mixed up in the whole situation. I couldn't imagine having to deal with that on a day to day basis. Such added stress.
I don't even think it would matter who guy#2 would have been. I think guy#1 would have made life horrible for the ex-wife and whoever she married.
I agree with your thoughts about Guy #1. He has issues and it doesn't matter who Guy #2 is--whoever would have ended up marrying his Ex was destined to be a target. He was doomed to this outcome from Day One, as what has occurred is due entirely to how Guy #1 operates.

If you are friends with Guy #2, he doubtless feels he has walked into an altered universe and is totally baffled, embarrassed, humiliated and angry. I hope folks do believe him and can see what a trap Guy # 1 set. Guy # 2 needs support from friends and family, but most of all, he needs a damn good attorney.

You would not believe how often this type of situation can occur. There are a lot of people out there willing to destroy other people's lives in an effort to cover up their own failings.
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Old 03-22-2013, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,303 posts, read 7,878,087 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
moral of the story....never put it in writing
Or on You Tube
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Old 03-24-2013, 12:55 AM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,475,698 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
moral of the story....never put it in writing
And don't get into a pizzing match with someone in law enforcement. What was Guy #2 thinking with that?

Besides, if his wife doesn't want to hear her ex-husband's mouth, she can speak up for herself. I wonder if she just lets it go in one ear and out the other, which is really the best way to handle garbage like that with an ex.
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