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Old 03-25-2013, 08:14 AM
 
3,083 posts, read 4,641,018 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Having said that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with "wanting to go back". If you want to go back (to proximity to family) it probably means there were and are still are good relationships and you are one of the lucky ones. As others have said, don't worry about what other people are doing or thinking. There is nothing wrong per se with living far from family or living close to family. One size does not fit all.
Yes, my immediately family and I have a very solid relationship. However, there are people in my extended family that I can't stand (uber-political, uber-religious). But my immediate family and closest friends are still back home. I am going back temporarily, for the time being, strictly for financial reasons. This is, by no means, a long term plan.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:59 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,066 posts, read 8,324,253 times
Reputation: 11535
Some people just aren't close to their family, or they love their family, but they don't want to live where they live. My family is from a pretty small town and I doubt I'll ever live in that town again unless I retire. But I'm currently 1500 miles away and that's just too far, so I am hoping to move at least within a few hours driving distance. It sucks misisng holidays and family events. And I have 3 grandparents I want to spend time with while they are still well enough to do things.
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Old 03-25-2013, 09:50 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,913 posts, read 975,087 times
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When you say that you are going back home for financial reasons, do you mean that you are going back to live with family?
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Old 03-25-2013, 10:09 AM
 
12,568 posts, read 13,980,086 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tekkie View Post
...Anyway, some people I have talked to are almost adamantly opposed to going back home. It's as if they can't stand their families. I feel torn, because though I have found myself in the past frustrated with things my family does, I don't dislike their company to the point that I can't ever see myself moving back to be close to them. I guess I don't really understand this mentality. I can certainly understand if there was some form of abuse growing up. But under normal circumstances, I don't understand how you could be so opposed to living closer to your family.

What do you think? Do you prefer to be close to your family? What are some reasons for not wanting to live close to them?
I think you have already answered your own question..."But under normal circumstances...etc, etc."

After I left home at twenty-two I would have been deliriously happy never to see my parents again.

They had a dreadful marriage, their social conduct when they were together was painful and embarrassing, and they were both selfish, unloving people. They were racist, bullying and upon retirement began to develop very serious drinking problems because they loathed being in each other's company, and also in my father's case he hadn't a clue what to do with himself without work.

No one needs to be in the company of fulltime bullies, even if - regrettably - they are your parents.
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Old 03-25-2013, 11:24 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,168,615 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
There is no universal answer. Do what your heart tells you, without looking at other people.



Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
5 years away is still a short time. Make it 15 years, and it could be a seriously insurmountable barrier. People change and get older, in ways that can be shocking for someone not witnessing that.
Or you were just never that compatible in the first place.

Both families-of-origin on Spouse side and mine are totally into the "all family all together all the time" thing. Weekends, holidays, minor excuses ... any reason to get together and have a BBQ or mass meal. Spouse and I would occasionally join in; more often, we just wanted to do things on our own. That caused tension on both sides. There would be times that I'd go visit my siblings and tell them "I just want to see you guys - not your kids and not your grandkids. It's not necessary to sound the bugle and get everyone together," which caused some hurt.

Moving away was a good excuse to get out of all that crowding and clatter. We are fine with visiting every 4 or 5 years and being able to congratulate our siblings on another grandkid, or remark how the kids have grown and become accomplished.
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Old 03-25-2013, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,844 posts, read 2,036,190 times
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I moved away from my family 12 years ago. Not neccessarily to get away from them, but because there were just no employment oppurtunities back home (and really still aren't). Even though I get along with everyone in my family, and I don't think there is anyone pining for me to come back home. Honestly, even when I was there, we never really made an effort to see each other. The only thing I worry about is if something happened to my mom, I wouldn't be there fast enough to be there for her. Other than that I just go back home when I can and see everyone then.
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Old 03-25-2013, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,255 posts, read 7,857,449 times
Reputation: 53197
I left home at 20 and never looked back. A good family life just wasn't in the cards for me. It's sad because I don't have any kind of family life, and I'd rather kill myself then spend any time with John's immediate family. Those of you who have a good family should treasure it.
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Old 03-25-2013, 01:31 PM
 
15,712 posts, read 9,207,244 times
Reputation: 14155
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tekkie View Post
I moved away from home in 2008. I have since met others who have moved far away from their families as well. They might see them 1-2 times a year tops. I have been considering moving back home for some time. Partly it is for financial reasons, but also because I would like to spend more time with my family than I already do (once or twice a year). I miss out on almost all of the special occasions anymore. Additionally, I have relatives that are getting up there in age and I'd like to spend more time with them before they depart.

Anyway, some people I have talked to are almost adamantly opposed to going back home. It's as if they can't stand their families. I feel torn, because though I have found myself in the past frustrated with things my family does, I don't dislike their company to the point that I can't ever see myself moving back to be close to them. I guess I don't really understand this mentality. I can certainly understand if there was some form of abuse growing up. But under normal circumstances, I don't understand how you could be so opposed to living closer to your family.

What do you think? Do you prefer to be close to your family? What are some reasons for not wanting to live close to them?
I would love to live close to my family. I moved 2500 miles away at 17, and never went back. But until they all decide to move out of snowy, cold upstate NY, we'll have to settle for yearly visits and talking on the phone.
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Old 03-25-2013, 01:38 PM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
4,245 posts, read 5,965,053 times
Reputation: 2967
I intentionally moved to Dayton Ohio to be closer to family in KY, so I wouldnt have to travel so far for holidays and be close in case my folks and sister needed me for some reason.

I did keep them at arms lenght for personal reasons, but its worked out well for me. Although as you can tell by my handle i'm no fan of Dayton. I'm here mainly so I can still have my kin in my life up to a point.
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Old 03-25-2013, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Penna
726 posts, read 1,006,482 times
Reputation: 1259
You will learn much about yourself regardless of what you do; the fact that you have stopped to ask the question is the biggest statment.

Advance or retreat, but do not hesitate!
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