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Old 03-26-2013, 12:37 AM
 
102 posts, read 184,195 times
Reputation: 150

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Quote:
However, now my sister (I'm one of 5) has demanded that we all should cough up $450 each to cover my mom's expenses.
I feel that every adult person ought to be independent enough to pay for his or her own expenses .
If the person can't and someone wishes to help it is up to that person to decide what he or she wishes to give .There is no expense limit to what someone else might feel justified in asking . Today she's asking for the surgery . What will she "demand " tomorrow ?

In this case it seems as though she led a team of siblings to be allies in her cause and you (by not participating) can become the scapegoat . In my opinion this is financial bullying in its purest form .

I can't tell you what to do but can tell you what I would do .
I would tell all five of the siblings that I refuse to discuss this topic with them at all and that they are NEVER to ask you for money again !! I also would not share what my paycheck is or what my trip plans are . It's personal life and is NONE of their business !!!!!

Then I would talk to the mom , consider cancelling the trip ,offer what you feel in your heart, and tell her that you love her .
It sounds like she's the only one who did not ask you for money.

PS. I realize that it may not be an "urgent" surgery but it is something which is not only causing her discomfort but there is also the emotional stress of waiting . You have a chance to do a nice thing but it has to be on your terms .

Last edited by yrralis1; 03-26-2013 at 12:49 AM..
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Old 03-26-2013, 05:02 AM
 
2,963 posts, read 3,040,134 times
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Somebody mentioned the OP is 21. I'm going to guess that you are one of the younger (youngest) of the siblings. I agree with the earlier poster that that is a lot of money for you to come up with, especially spur of the moment.

First, if you weren't involved in the discussions with other siblings you shouldn't be responsible for your supposed "share" of your mom's expenses.

Second, in this case, I think if all the siblings were going to contribute, they should contribute what they can; not necessarily even shares. Maybe your 30-year-old (just guessing) sister with a better job should pay a larger share since maybe she has more capability to do so.
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Old 03-26-2013, 06:06 AM
 
1,787 posts, read 4,959,646 times
Reputation: 1280
Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
I hate it when siblings spring crap like this, there is no way in the world you should be on the hook for a full share of your mothers surgery. For Pete's sake- your sister should be ashamed of herself. If anything you should all pay a PERCENTAGE according to your income. The ones earning more pay more and the others a reduced percentage. OP you better nip this crap in the bud right now or all kinds of similar things will be coming down the pike.
I was thinking the same thing. But, I would have been part of the original discussion before someone decided how much I should contribute. And, why haven't you mentioned to your sisters the amount of $450 is wrong? Has one sister decided she doesn't have to pay anything? You need to open your mouth or you'll find yourself in these situations again and hating yourself for it. At least muster up the courage to pay the right amount, $360.

How do you or your sisters know your mother doesn't have money in the bank to pay for the surgery?
Is it possible for your mother to make payments to the surgeon?
Can your mother put the cost of the surgery on a charge card?
Has your sister already told mother don't worry, we'll take care of it?

Since it is elective surgery and is not an emergency, your mother should take care of her surgery.

Have another meeting and demand the other sisters pay [a determined amount] for your schooling.
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:00 AM
 
571 posts, read 988,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
I hate it when siblings spring crap like this, there is no way in the world you should be on the hook for a full share of your mothers surgery. For Pete's sake- your sister should be ashamed of herself. If anything you should all pay a PERCENTAGE according to your income. The ones earning more pay more and the others a reduced percentage. OP you better nip this crap in the bud right now or all kinds of similar things will be coming down the pike.
^^^^ Excellent advice. Paying a percentage would be fair, if they had given you two months notice. Springing it on you like this is very unfair. Sounds to me like they know about your plans (and your small savings) and they want to make you "prove" yourself. Don't fall for it. Have a direct talk with your mom.
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Old 03-26-2013, 04:32 PM
 
2,539 posts, read 2,908,393 times
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Based on what you describe, your sister seems to be pushing you around. I side with the other suggestions here of giving a much smaller amount. Your sister does not seem to understand your own situation that you are in. This puts you under financial duress. If she continues to push you about it, minimize all contact with her. I don't know how else to tell you, but you should not let this bother you. Offer only what you can afford.
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Old 03-26-2013, 04:39 PM
 
Location: South Jersey
819 posts, read 2,827,534 times
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$1800 divided by 4 = $450 - the sister who isn't working isn't paying. That is why she wants $450 from you.

I agree with the others, it's elective, it can wait.
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:33 PM
 
1,787 posts, read 4,959,646 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AdotAllen View Post
$1800 divided by 4 = $450 - the sister who isn't working isn't paying. That is why she wants $450 from you.

I agree with the others, it's elective, it can wait.
Yes and isn't that the sister that's making the demand? What big kahunas!
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,215 posts, read 7,881,405 times
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Just say, "sorry I can't afford it right now," and change the subject if they keep persisting.
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:58 PM
 
Location: IN A COOKIE JAR
1,526 posts, read 1,268,625 times
Reputation: 1100
Quote:
Originally Posted by maus View Post
Based on what you describe, your sister seems to be pushing you around. I side with the other suggestions here of giving a much smaller amount. Your sister does not seem to understand your own situation that you are in. This puts you under financial duress. If she continues to push you about it, minimize all contact with her. I don't know how else to tell you, but you should not let this bother you. Offer only what you can afford.


^^^Yes I agree with this and so many other similar posts so far.

Honey, your older sister is a real bully and you need to put your foot down now or this will continue for the rest of your life. I'm dead serious too. Bossy people will not stop until you make them!!! Someone - you or your mother maybe- need to put her in her place and soon. If I were your mother, and yes I have a daughter a year older than you actually, I would want my daughter to tell me this was going on. I would be very upset with an older sibling bossing another around like this. Toss your sister's opinion about you and any guilt trip she wants to lay on you aside, or just brush it off your shoulder. Stand up to her now or you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Actually sweetie, I am getting upset as if I were your mother right now and I'm very mad at your sister. Please take the advise you receive here in favor of you not getting bullied into consideration. Best of luck!!

Last edited by GINGERSNAP1963; 03-26-2013 at 09:01 PM..
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,878 posts, read 17,190,006 times
Reputation: 40751
Quote:
Originally Posted by eevee188 View Post
Just tell your sister that you can't afford it. Don't tell her about spending money on your trip, because that will set her up to guilt trip you. Just say you can't afford it, and you don't need to justify it. Expecting a young sibling in college working what sounds like a minimum wage job to contribute as much money as older siblings with good jobs is unreasonable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mel2882 View Post
Also, I'd say this would be a very different situation if a) you were a few years older and had a higher paying stable job, etc b) your moms surgery was urgent or life threatening. I don't think you're selfish. This is a tricky one and I'd be in the same dilemma.
I agree totally.
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