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Old 03-25-2013, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Dallas
99 posts, read 146,524 times
Reputation: 71

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So, my mom has recently found out she has to have surgery to remove something from her throat that is causing her discomfort. It's not serious (as told to us by her doctor) the only thing is that it causes some discomfort for her (a sort of "tickling" in her throat that she finds irritating). She was scheduled to get it done this Thursday, but upon finding out she would be required to pay $1,800 out of pocket, she decided to postpone until she could save up the money. The doctor told us that this was completely okay and she could wait however long she wanted, because it wasn't an urgent surgery.

However, now my sister (I'm one of 5) has demanded that we all should cough up $450 each to cover my mom's expenses. This is so inconvenient for me because I have an out of state trip that I've had planned since January coming up in a week, and because $450 is about 2/3 or my two weeks pay. (I currently work at a big box store since I'm planning on attending school again and this place is very flexible with schedules.) This wouldn't be so bad except that my sister has demanded we all have this money within two days. This is all fine and dandy for my siblings, because they are alot older than I, have careers and make a good amount of money. $450 out of the blue is nothing to them.. but to me, it is a very sudden shock.

I have also just now began to establish my savings, because something always comes up (had to buy a car, constantly pitching in for "let's get mom and dad this", paying my bills and rent to my parents whom I still live with, etc etc) and this would eat up so much and leave me nearly at ground 0 once again.

Is it wrong for me to feel a bit angry that they have just suddenly sprung this on me and demand that I comply because my mom's health should come first? I love my mom and I wish I could do this for her, and I probably will because otherwise everyone will make me out to be the terrible black sheep (as usual) but I can't help but feel it is a bit unfair. It seems as if no one is taking my situation into considering before just blind sighting me with this and demanding I "make it work somehow."
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Columbus, Indiana
957 posts, read 1,941,243 times
Reputation: 1347
If there are 5 of you, you should only each pay $360, unless your sister isn't paying. No, I don't think it's selfish of you since it isn't an urgent surgery, and the doctor is OK with her postponing it.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Dallas
99 posts, read 146,524 times
Reputation: 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindiana View Post
If there are 5 of you, you should only each pay $360, unless your sister isn't paying. No, I don't think it's selfish of you since it isn't an urgent surgery, and the doctor is OK with her postponing it.
I'm just so overwhelmed with this. That is a lot of money, and they always do this where they plan something without consulting me then just expect me to cough up the money and if I don't I'm a bad sister and bad daughter.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:51 PM
 
Location: SGV
24,797 posts, read 9,655,665 times
Reputation: 9723
Quote:
Originally Posted by windynostalgia View Post
I'm just so overwhelmed with this. That is a lot of money, and they always do this where they plan something without consulting me then just expect me to cough up the money and if I don't I'm a bad sister and bad daughter.
I stalked your profile lol. You're 21!

$450 is a ton of bank at that age especially if you're going back to school. Not selfish. Tell them you want to be involved on these plans from now on if you're expected to participate.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:52 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
675 posts, read 4,260,225 times
Reputation: 349
Could you tell them that you'll give them a smaller portion? Maybe explain to them what you just explained above, but tell them you do love your mom and of course want to help out, but $100 is all you're able to afford at this time. Then you are trying and not saying no completely, but you have let them know that this isn't going to work for you every time. Tell them you are aware the cost for each of them will I increase if you don't pitch in an equal amount, but that right now you just can't afford the full amount of what it would cost to split it equally. Who knows, maybe they'll just tell you not to worry about it (maybe not, I don't know your sisters, but it couldn't hurt to try).

Are they wanting to surprise your mom with this, or have they told her you're all pitching in? If they've told her about the plan, maybe you could talk to her personally. Would she be more understanding than your sisters? Because its her that its all about in the first place, so what she thinks should be what matters. If your mom knows you aren't able to pitch in because of other obligations and you wanting to get on your feet, but knows you care about this and love her...I'd say it doesn't matter what your sisters want to think in this situation.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:54 PM
 
639 posts, read 1,554,611 times
Reputation: 1308
Just tell your sister that you can't afford it. Don't tell her about spending money on your trip, because that will set her up to guilt trip you. Just say you can't afford it, and you don't need to justify it. Expecting a young sibling in college working what sounds like a minimum wage job to contribute as much money as older siblings with good jobs is unreasonable.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:54 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
675 posts, read 4,260,225 times
Reputation: 349
Also, I'd say this would be a very different situation if a) you were a few years older and had a higher paying stable job, etc b) your moms surgery was urgent or life threatening. I don't think you're selfish. This is a tricky one and I'd be in the same dilemma.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:56 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
675 posts, read 4,260,225 times
Reputation: 349
Quote:
Originally Posted by eevee188 View Post
Just tell your sister that you can't afford it. Don't tell her about spending money on your trip, because that will set her up to guilt trip you. Just say you can't afford it, and you don't need to justify it. Expecting a young sibling in college working what sounds like a minimum wage job to contribute as much money as older siblings with good jobs is unreasonable.
Even if you do tell her about the trip (I assume she will find out anyway)... You have already planned it and do not need to forget about it to pay for something that is not urgent and that your mom never even asked for. You obviously love your mom or you wouldn't even be asking about it. I'm sure your mom knows that.
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Old 03-25-2013, 09:09 PM
 
Location: South Florida
705 posts, read 1,138,208 times
Reputation: 2252
I don't think you are being selfish. Personally I think its silly for everyone to scramble to get the money for the procedure when your mom is willing to wait and the doc says it's okay. I also think your portion should be based on what you can pay, not on everything being equal.

I would offer what I could afford, but not the full amount requested, now and tell them they have to cover the rest if they are going to proceed so fast.

If they don't like that idea, than they have to wait a month or two until everyone (including mom) is in a better position to contribute something. Your mom was willing to wait until she herself could save $1800 which could be a long time. If she only had to come up with half or a third of that though, with her kids splitting the rest, she wouldn't have to wait so long and the financial burden on you would not be as heavy.
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Old 03-25-2013, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Dallas
99 posts, read 146,524 times
Reputation: 71
I did tell my sister about how I don't have that kind of money but she insisted I "could rearrange your finances to make it work because mommy comes first." I'm so incredibly stressed by this and I'm considering just taking on a part time job on top of my full time big box gig when I return from my trip or I'll never be able to save up for my main goal (moving in together with long distance bf.) this basically all boils down to them not ever having respected me (I am the youngest) and constantly backing me into a corner with no other choices but the ones they give me.
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