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Old 04-01-2013, 04:30 PM
304 posts, read 361,047 times
Reputation: 170


Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
I just got inspired in another thread to start this. There have to be more women like me. There just have to be.

I hate bridal showers. I hate baby showers.

I'm not married, and I've never wanted children. But sure, I am happy for family and friends who choose to do these things.

I'm generous with gifts; I'll buy you a really nice gift--so it's not about that.

And contrary to what some wedding-obsessed or baby-obsessed women will surely claim, I don't hate showers because I'm somehow "jealous" and wish that I were getting married or reproducing. I have no desire to have kids and never did. And the only one responsible for me not being married is me.

I don't have an aversion to all parties. Some parties can be fun. But showers are very different.

Here's what I hate:

1. The registry. I don't like that getting married or having a baby requires a person to register for gifts, but no other occasions do. We get gifts for birthdays, graduations, Christmas, etc. But we don't get to register for those occasions. Sure you can get into that whole argument about "all gifts are good" and "it's the thought" vs. "some gifts really do suck" and "It's best to let people know what you want/need." But the fact that we have registries for two gift-giving occasions and not for any other gift-giving occasion means there is a double standard. When I bought my house, I'd have loved to have a registry. People gave me lots of housewarming gifts. Some were nice or useful, some were awful and I had to give them away. I also had to buy a bunch of stuff myself. I've had graduations, from college, from graduate school, but no gift registry. Wouldn't it be great (if you think registries are fine for bride and expected moms) to have registries for all kinds of occasions? Then you'd never have trouble picking out what to get a person, and worrying that they won't like it. You wouldn't have to worry about all those bad gifts, and how to accept them gracefully without hurting the person's feelings.

So I don't have a problem with a bride or expected mother having a gift registry. Frankly, if I'm getting the person a gift anyway, I like knowing what they need and want. I just wonder why the rest of us never get a registry.

Then with regard to the wedding shower specifically, it's really sort of a way to get two gifts out of people. If I'm invited to a wedding, I'm usually giving a very generous monetary gift. So how come a few weeks before the wedding, I also have to go out and buy a registry-requested present for the person? If I'm giving you $200 for the wedding, why is it also necessary to buy you a bread-maker or microwave?

1.A. The people who violate the registry. When I have to buy a gift from a registry, I follow all the rules. I go to the store where the person registered, buy the item, and make sure the store marks it off the list. But inevitably, when I go to a shower, someone always buys the same exact gift I bought! They usually say "Oh, I saw it at Target for cheaper." Okay, well the person didn't register at Target; They registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond. you were supposed to buy it there. And if you insist on cheaping out and buying it at Target, fine, but notify Bed, Bath & Beyond and HAVE THEM MARK IT OFF THE LIST. You idiot twit. The whole point of the registry is to get what you want, and to not get duplicates.

The best example I had was a baby shower for a friend from work. She had registered at XYZ store for a certain stroller. It was pricey, but perfect for three people to pitch in. So two other friends and I chipped in and got it. It was wrapped in the huge box, and we noticed another huge, wrapped box of identical dimensions. Turns out, the mother-in-law bought her the stroller, from some other store, and never informed XYZ store. This was also the alcohol-free shower (see #5 below), so this behavior was particularly troubling.

The other violation of the registry occurs when a person decides to buy another brand item instead of the one the person asked for. The person wanted a particular Black & Decker rice cooker. She probably researched it, checked out the reviews, Consumer Reports, who knows. But she wanted THAT one. So don't decide on your own to get her the Cuisinart rice cooker. She picked the other one for a reason. She doesn't need two rice cookers.

1B. Babies-R-Us. Enough said there.

2. Why the need for a women-only party? When someone is getting married, that usually means TWO people are getting married, right? Why do we have to have a stupid girly-girl party for the bride? why not have a party (with presents) for both the bride and groom? Why this female version of the "sausage fest"?

I'm not a person who goes to parties looking for "male attention" by any means, but being in a room with just women can get pretty annoying and boring.

And when people have a baby, there are usually two parents involved too. So why the stupid girly-girl party for the expected mom and nothing for the expected dad? I've heard of some people having "Jack and Jill Showers" and I like that idea, if there has to be a shower at all.

3. The required Add-On gifts. It's not enough to buy a nice gift from the registry, but you're usually required to bring a "wishing well gift" or "baby basinette gift" too. This is a smaller gift that you buy, toss into a big pile, and don't get credit for having bought.

For wedding showers, it might be a spatula or meat thermometer. For baby showers it might be a little toy or an anal thermometer. (Maybe you could reverse those?) But I just learned in another thread where the guests of a baby shower were expected to fill out a card for a particular website, and pledge to each buy the woman 12 dozen diapers to be delivered to her home.
I have no clue what 12-dozen diapers would cost, and really, that's not my point. It's the bullying, peer-pressuring, shake-down of squeezing another gift out of a guest. Sure you could decline to participate, but then you're a selfish b*tch according to everyone else.

I went to a baby shower that required us to each buy two non-wrapped books to throw into a basinette for the baby. I bought Atlas Shrugged and The Federalist Papers. (I'm not joking, I have witnesses). We didn't get to add gift tags to the books, so no one knew who bought each book. The mom-to-be held up my two books, and half the room turned and looked directly at me. I took another sip of my wine and said "Um, Barnes & Noble was all out of Everybody Poops." (I still have faith that that little girl will grow up to be incredibly smart and well-informed).

4. The Stupid Shower Rituals. These are usually in the catgories of games, the pass-around, and the ribbon-hat. For those of you who don't know (men, I guess), there are "games" they have to play at these things. It's usually some quiz or bingo game that has to do with how much you know about the guest of honor. Not fun. Far, far from fun.
Then when the guest of honor opens each gift, you all have to pass the gift around and pretend to look at it. Sometimes it's expected to "ooh" and "aah" as you do this. Example: "Ooooohhh, breast pump!" I usually go take a pee break.
Then every ribbon or bow, from every gift, gets gathered together by the designated most-annoying party guest and sculpted into a silly hat that the guest of honor must then wear for several pictures.

5. The lack of alcohol. Now, showers in my nice WASP family usually have an abundance alcohol flowing. But many seem to think that showers are so much fun that alcohol is just not needed. But several drinks are required to make all of the above even remotely tolerable. I don't care what time of day it is, if you are throwing a shower, alcohol is required. Re. Quired. If you're on the wagon, great for you. But you need to make sure the other guests can all drink. Serenity, man. Just go to a meeting afterward if you need to. Either way, you'll probably need to.

And mimosa doesn't count. Mimosa sucks. Look it up in your bartender's guide under "useless p*ss." Same with the tooty-fruity punch with floating sherbet in it and 0.05% alcohol.

So anyway. I'm sure I can't be alone. Do any other women hate showers? I must be missing a gene or something.
I just read your post and want to say, hallelujah, I am not alone and someone feels the same way I do. Your comments were hysterical, but right on point. I especially loved the bit about Atlas Shrugged and The Federalist Papers! Good one!

I recently just ignored a baby shower invite without RSVP'ing. For the first time in my life I ignored an invitation. This particular person always invites everyone to every little party, could be for make-up, tupperware, each and every kids birthday party, baby showers, her wedding and her own bridal shower. She never, ever sends out thank you notes. I figured, hey, if she can send out invitations to ask for gifts, she can damn well send out thank you notes for said gifts....but never does. So I decided to be petty for once in my life and not only not attend, but didn't RSVP either. Ahhhh, I feel so much better. Thanks for letting me vent and get it off my chest.
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Old 04-02-2013, 06:29 AM
Location: North Texas
24,420 posts, read 33,815,897 times
Reputation: 28036
Originally Posted by LivingDeadGirl View Post
Absolutely. Someone I know did a really cool thing: had a 25 yr anniversary party and said NO GIFTS but please bring something for the local animal shelter: dog/cat food, chlorox, kitty litter, blankets, etc. It was so wonderful: there were truckloads of stuff, we had a great time dancing to old disco music. Now that would have been a great idea for a shower since it is better to give than receive.
That's a cute idea, I like it.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:27 PM
Location: San Francisco
2,279 posts, read 4,038,296 times
Reputation: 4010
I do what I can to avoid bridal and baby showers, these days. Last one I was forced to attend, they actually played a game where they smeared different things in some diapers and it was a guessing game. EWW!

I might need to take a page from Samantha Jones' book and throw myself an "I'm not having a baby" shower. Register for some nice stuff, and send invitations to everyone I've ever bought wedding/bridal shower/baby shower gifts, for.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:38 PM
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,478 posts, read 15,289,417 times
Reputation: 19530
Originally Posted by LivingDeadGirl View Post
Absolutely. Someone I know did a really cool thing: had a 25 yr anniversary party and said NO GIFTS but please bring something for the local animal shelter: dog/cat food, chlorox, kitty litter, blankets, etc. It was so wonderful: there were truckloads of stuff, we had a great time dancing to old disco music. Now that would have been a great idea for a shower since it is better to give than receive.

God Bless them and sounds like an awesome time!!!!!
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Old 04-02-2013, 05:42 PM
4,728 posts, read 4,577,956 times
Reputation: 9046
The ones I have attended lately have been for couples and are more like parties with gifts. I enjoy this kind. You can also come if you are not part of a couple because many single friends of both sexes show up.
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Old 04-02-2013, 11:19 PM
Location: Pahrump, NV
2,281 posts, read 3,135,369 times
Reputation: 2052
i am in the "anti kid" group - have never wanted one & DESPISE going to baby showers. luckily most of my friends are aware of my stance on kids & either are in the same club OR completely understand when i don't show up to the party. i WILL purchase a gift, but you won't see me there. the gift shopping process for this is always long & agonizing for me...
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Old 12-19-2013, 03:11 PM
Location: Southwestern CT
209 posts, read 539,297 times
Reputation: 79
So happy to read this thread. I love kids but don't want any of my own. I am in a committed relationship but not married. I wouldn't mind getting married one day to my guy but in time. I had 2 sisters get married in the last 2 years (2 bridal showers) and did all the traditional stuff; bridal shower, wedding with gifts, etc. One of them had a baby and had a baby shower. I was in both weddings which was expensive. OMG shoot me and why can't they serve alcohol at baby showers. I can't stand the stupid games and all of that at either bridal or baby showers. It’s not a jealousy per say thing but gifts, gifts, gifts..... so much output on everyone's part. My one sister had a bridal shower and a baby shower so that's two batches of gifts. It’s insane, the rest of us are making ends meet and just trying to survive. Just because I don't want any kids and don't want the traditional big wedding and all of that I feel like we get cheated . I just want to have a just because "shower" and register somewhere for presents. It’s just insanity. If I ever got married there would be no shower of any kind, no bridesmaids and such. I am sorta anti ritual and probably would just elope. I felt so happy reading this thread and was very happy knowing I wasn't alone; THANK YOU.................................
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Old 12-19-2013, 03:12 PM
7,340 posts, read 5,117,374 times
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They can be goofy, but I accept them as such.
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Old 12-20-2013, 08:33 AM
Location: Back & Forth
210 posts, read 642,988 times
Reputation: 401
I don't like showers, but if its for a close friend/close family member I will go, and I will give generously because I want to and because I love the person. In turn, I have very much appreciated the intimate wedding/baby showers that were thrown for us.

If I'm invited to a shower for someone who I don't know well, I skip the event without guilt. If a person wouldn't come visit me in the hospital, then we aren't close enough for me to be invited to their shower. I had to make this rule for my sanity.

We were invited to a wedding & shower for a very young couple who I didn't know well at all (and who rarley spoke to me). My plan was to send a gift for the wedding, but decline the invitation to the events. After I didn't attend the bridal shower, the bride called all the people who were not in attendance and asked for reasons why we why didn't come (and buy her a gift). I found that really rude. I had RSVP no to the host. There is no reason for a follow up, especially since we were not close. Needless to say, I did not buy her a wedding gift either. It may have not been proper etiquette to not send a gift, but I didn't care. This was a gift grab, not a celebration for close friends.
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Old 12-20-2013, 01:25 PM
Location: New Jersey
1,829 posts, read 2,485,717 times
Reputation: 2672
I LOVE THIS. I agree with everything you said! I had a small wedding in September, and I REFUSED to have a shower. I do NOT believe in making people buy me a gift, on top of the expense of attending the wedding & giving a gift at the wedding.

I would say the only shower I have been to that was remotely enjoyable was a friend who had it at her mother's house. We drank a ton of wine & she didn't even make us sit through her opening her gifts! It was more like just a get-together with lots of wine & food .

My sister had her baby shower a couple of months ago. It wasn't bad-the food was amazing & there was a bar. Unfortunately, her friends are all b*tches who took all of the seats up front, so my mother & I had to scramble to find seats. I even overheard a friend tell her "WHERE are you sitting, I have to be at your table," without any consideration for where her SISTER & MOTHER were sitting. I hate women, and I hate her friends even more.
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