Who Else HATES Bridal and Baby Showers? (Rant) (Maybe diatribe) (father, member)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes, sometimes people bring big gifts to the shower but maybe they send smaller gifts to the wedding? Or instead of giving a wedding check of $125 bring a $25 gift to the shower and then give a $100 check at the wedding.
Showers DO NOT have to be boring, cookie cutter events. One co-worker had a coed wedding shower where people went to a professional baseball game (everyone except the bridal couple paid for their own tickets). before the game people met at work to "tail gate" (have food) and gave the couple a variety of gift cards to their favorite stores & restaurants. Friends and co-workers just contributed cash and the committee got the gift cards (so no buying and wrapping a gift for each guest).
It was a lot of fun.
My son went to a coed wedding shower at a paint ball gun range.---no silly ribbon and bow hats there.
Another coed "shower" took place at a bar.
As for the no-guy rule, I think at some baby showers (particularly the family ones), all the experienced mothers trot out their war stories of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. They might not be as free with their stories if men-folk were present. I try to cover my ears. (If I'm flipping through channels and Baby Story is on TLC, I can't click away fast enough. )
Then if that is the case, why invite non moms? I don't like hearing those stories and will not listen. I didn't even attend the baby showers for my sister in law, cousin or a friend because they were women only.
To me, the "bachelorette party" is the equivalent of the bachelor party. The wedding shower is just stupid, and has no male equivalent.
The original purpose of a bridal shower and a baby shower was to prepare the woman for her roles of wife and mom. Now though with most women working they are outdated. What I have never understood is why men had the bachelor party, which was fun while the woman had the lameass bridal shower. I'd rather drink than talk about dishes anytime. I am glad more women are doing bachelorette parties.
OP, you are not alone. I never cared for it. When I got married we eloped. It wasnt my dream to have a big wedding and when I became pregnant my MIL threw me a shower. I really didnt want one. Im not one for being center of attention so that kind of stuff just stresses me out. I dont really care for weddings either. My cousin is getting married in June. I live out to state and IM already getting pressure from my mother about attending. All I see is dollar signs. The cost of the trip, clothes, gift and using some of my vacation time from work. I'd rather just send a nice gift.
I also want to add I dont like the self entitlement attitude I see now with showers. Its been a few yrs since I have attended a baby shower but I was a bit annoyed about the extra gift thing. Buy a gift and then buy packages of diapers, books etc to enter into the door prize. Or the people that have a shower with every baby they have. When I did freelance design work I had a few women come to me about making invitations for their 3rd and 4th baby showers. My cousin that is getting married in June sent out her invites with the registry. I was a bit surprised that everything was so costly. 20 dollar towels. Really? Ive been married for 17 yrs and have never owned a 20 dollar bath towel.
I guess any chance to get together with my friends and celebrate is a fun thing for me.
I enjoy giving people gifts, too.
Maybe I'm just made for showers or something. *shrug*
p.s. Babies R Us never struck me as anything other than just another store...I like the discount rack there. They sell clothes from the last season for like a buck. Sweet.
OP, I'm with you. I do not like them! For very, VERY special people, I will show up. You can bet I'll be the one doing busy work and starting the cleanup ASAP....because I am absolutely not "into" being there. I'm only there out of loyalty to that rare special person. LOL I have no problem buying gifts and, in fact, LOVE doing so. It's the "shower" part that I can't stand.
I am a married woman and my husband and I decided we did not want kids. We are fairly non-traditional people who don't do something for the "sake of tradition". We question things and do what we feel is right, not just because "it's the way it was always done".
We had a bridal shower and it was a party for men and women. I made it clear to my bridal party that my husband is 50% of the marriage and so he should be included, along with other male family and friends. Why not? He is the more domestic one and was more interested in the gifts than I was. I enjoy going to these kind of showers because it's more of a party and there are no silly games or "traditional women only" activities.
I'm really not a kid person and the thought of having to attend a baby shower is down there with going to the dentist. It's not about giving a gift - I'm happy to give something to someone's happy event. But sitting around and talking about baby things is so outside my world and boring to me that when I have gone - I just sit there and nod my head and smile until I can get out of there. I go out of obligation and to show support to the person but if it's not someone I'm particularly close with - then I make an excuse and send a gift. I probably feel the way most men would feel about having to attend one.
I agree! But then, I'm not your typical female as well (also never wanted kids---actually surprised myself by getting married). The games are ridiculous. And having to give expensive gifts is not my thing, especially if I never receive a thank you note for them.
I admit it: I was hurt at my job when, after participating in all these showers, I adopted my first cat (a big step for me---had never had a pet as an adult) and I wasn't given a kitty shower! I know my co-workers just didn't think that way, but it would have been so nice....
I would have givien you a kitty shower! My husband and do a lot of work in animal rescue and you helped to save a life!
I just got inspired in another thread to start this. There have to be more women like me. There just have to be.
I hate bridal showers. I hate baby showers.
I'm not married, and I've never wanted children. But sure, I am happy for family and friends who choose to do these things.
I'm generous with gifts; I'll buy you a really nice gift--so it's not about that.
And contrary to what some wedding-obsessed or baby-obsessed women will surely claim, I don't hate showers because I'm somehow "jealous" and wish that I were getting married or reproducing. I have no desire to have kids and never did. And the only one responsible for me not being married is me.
I don't have an aversion to all parties. Some parties can be fun. But showers are very different.
Here's what I hate:
1. The registry. I don't like that getting married or having a baby requires a person to register for gifts, but no other occasions do. We get gifts for birthdays, graduations, Christmas, etc. But we don't get to register for those occasions. Sure you can get into that whole argument about "all gifts are good" and "it's the thought" vs. "some gifts really do suck" and "It's best to let people know what you want/need." But the fact that we have registries for two gift-giving occasions and not for any other gift-giving occasion means there is a double standard. When I bought my house, I'd have loved to have a registry. People gave me lots of housewarming gifts. Some were nice or useful, some were awful and I had to give them away. I also had to buy a bunch of stuff myself. I've had graduations, from college, from graduate school, but no gift registry. Wouldn't it be great (if you think registries are fine for bride and expected moms) to have registries for all kinds of occasions? Then you'd never have trouble picking out what to get a person, and worrying that they won't like it. You wouldn't have to worry about all those bad gifts, and how to accept them gracefully without hurting the person's feelings.
So I don't have a problem with a bride or expected mother having a gift registry. Frankly, if I'm getting the person a gift anyway, I like knowing what they need and want. I just wonder why the rest of us never get a registry.
Then with regard to the wedding shower specifically, it's really sort of a way to get two gifts out of people. If I'm invited to a wedding, I'm usually giving a very generous monetary gift. So how come a few weeks before the wedding, I also have to go out and buy a registry-requested present for the person? If I'm giving you $200 for the wedding, why is it also necessary to buy you a bread-maker or microwave?
1.A. The people who violate the registry. When I have to buy a gift from a registry, I follow all the rules. I go to the store where the person registered, buy the item, and make sure the store marks it off the list. But inevitably, when I go to a shower, someone always buys the same exact gift I bought! They usually say "Oh, I saw it at Target for cheaper." Okay, well the person didn't register at Target; They registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond. you were supposed to buy it there. And if you insist on cheaping out and buying it at Target, fine, but notify Bed, Bath & Beyond and HAVE THEM MARK IT OFF THE LIST. You idiot twit. The whole point of the registry is to get what you want, and to not get duplicates.
The best example I had was a baby shower for a friend from work. She had registered at XYZ store for a certain stroller. It was pricey, but perfect for three people to pitch in. So two other friends and I chipped in and got it. It was wrapped in the huge box, and we noticed another huge, wrapped box of identical dimensions. Turns out, the mother-in-law bought her the stroller, from some other store, and never informed XYZ store. This was also the alcohol-free shower (see #5 below), so this behavior was particularly troubling.
The other violation of the registry occurs when a person decides to buy another brand item instead of the one the person asked for. The person wanted a particular Black & Decker rice cooker. She probably researched it, checked out the reviews, Consumer Reports, who knows. But she wanted THAT one. So don't decide on your own to get her the Cuisinart rice cooker. She picked the other one for a reason. She doesn't need two rice cookers.
1B. Babies-R-Us. Enough said there.
2. Why the need for a women-only party? When someone is getting married, that usually means TWO people are getting married, right? Why do we have to have a stupid girly-girl party for the bride? why not have a party (with presents) for both the bride and groom? Why this female version of the "sausage fest"?
I'm not a person who goes to parties looking for "male attention" by any means, but being in a room with just women can get pretty annoying and boring.
And when people have a baby, there are usually two parents involved too. So why the stupid girly-girl party for the expected mom and nothing for the expected dad? I've heard of some people having "Jack and Jill Showers" and I like that idea, if there has to be a shower at all.
3. The required Add-On gifts. It's not enough to buy a nice gift from the registry, but you're usually required to bring a "wishing well gift" or "baby basinette gift" too. This is a smaller gift that you buy, toss into a big pile, and don't get credit for having bought.
For wedding showers, it might be a spatula or meat thermometer. For baby showers it might be a little toy or an anal thermometer. (Maybe you could reverse those?) But I just learned in another thread where the guests of a baby shower were expected to fill out a card for a particular website, and pledge to each buy the woman 12 dozen diapers to be delivered to her home.
I have no clue what 12-dozen diapers would cost, and really, that's not my point. It's the bullying, peer-pressuring, shake-down of squeezing another gift out of a guest. Sure you could decline to participate, but then you're a selfish b*tch according to everyone else.
I went to a baby shower that required us to each buy two non-wrapped books to throw into a basinette for the baby. I bought Atlas Shrugged and The Federalist Papers. (I'm not joking, I have witnesses). We didn't get to add gift tags to the books, so no one knew who bought each book. The mom-to-be held up my two books, and half the room turned and looked directly at me. I took another sip of my wine and said "Um, Barnes & Noble was all out of Everybody Poops." (I still have faith that that little girl will grow up to be incredibly smart and well-informed).
4. The Stupid Shower Rituals. These are usually in the catgories of games, the pass-around, and the ribbon-hat. For those of you who don't know (men, I guess), there are "games" they have to play at these things. It's usually some quiz or bingo game that has to do with how much you know about the guest of honor. Not fun. Far, far from fun.
Then when the guest of honor opens each gift, you all have to pass the gift around and pretend to look at it. Sometimes it's expected to "ooh" and "aah" as you do this. Example: "Ooooohhh, breast pump!" I usually go take a pee break.
Then every ribbon or bow, from every gift, gets gathered together by the designated most-annoying party guest and sculpted into a silly hat that the guest of honor must then wear for several pictures.
5. The lack of alcohol. Now, showers in my nice WASP family usually have an abundance alcohol flowing. But many seem to think that showers are so much fun that alcohol is just not needed. But several drinks are required to make all of the above even remotely tolerable. I don't care what time of day it is, if you are throwing a shower, alcohol is required. Re. Quired. If you're on the wagon, great for you. But you need to make sure the other guests can all drink. Serenity, man. Just go to a meeting afterward if you need to. Either way, you'll probably need to.
And mimosa doesn't count. Mimosa sucks. Look it up in your bartender's guide under "useless p*ss." Same with the tooty-fruity punch with floating sherbet in it and 0.05% alcohol.
So anyway. I'm sure I can't be alone. Do any other women hate showers? I must be missing a gene or something.
I'm not even going to bother reading the other posts because I'm certain that some ladies ripped you to shreds for this post.
What I will say is, I'm with you. I'm totally with you.
The paragraph I bolded shows why I've decided that I love you and if I were a man, I'd ask you to marry me right now.
Edit: Alright, I peeked at the first response and they didn't tear you apart. So I kept reading. I'm so happy to hear it's not just me, either.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
My cousin that is getting married in June sent out her invites with the registry. I was a bit surprised that everything was so costly. 20 dollar towels. Really? Ive been married for 17 yrs and have never owned a 20 dollar bath towel.
