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With my family & friends, it was mostly the mother of the bride, or mother of the pregnant woman who throws the shower, or at least foots the bill when the best friend throws it. The moms seem to think that if a girlfriend throws the shower, it won't be done appropriately, or it'll be done cheaply. I heard that from my own mom with regard to my sister's bridal shower and baby showers. I was maid of honor so it may have fallen upon me to plan the bridal shower, but since A). I was still young and poor, and B). as you can see, I have no interest in these things, my mother did it all--rented the restaurant, paid for the food and bar and cake and decorations, etc. Many of the showers for the women in their 20s and 30s seem to really be a competition among the mothers of these young women, and none of them want to have a daughter who had a sub-standard shower.
So maybe that's why I've been to so many old-fashioned showers--they're all being planned by women in their 50s and 60s trying to have a party they wished they'd have had 30 years ago, and not by the actual same-age peers of the woman the party is for.
With my family & friends, it was mostly the mother of the bride, or mother of the pregnant woman who throws the shower, or at least foots the bill when the best friend throws it. The moms seem to think that if a girlfriend throws the shower, it won't be done appropriately, or it'll be done cheaply. I heard that from my own mom with regard to my sister's bridal shower and baby showers. I was maid of honor so it may have fallen upon me to plan the bridal shower, but since A). I was still young and poor, and B). as you can see, I have no interest in these things, my mother did it all--rented the restaurant, paid for the food and bar and cake and decorations, etc. Many of the showers for the women in their 20s and 30s seem to really be a competition among the mothers of these young women, and none of them want to have a daughter who had a sub-standard shower.
So maybe that's why I've been to so many old-fashioned showers--they're all being planned by women in their 50s and 60s trying to have a party they wished they'd have had 30 years ago, and not by the actual same-age peers of the woman the party is for.
My cousin was having her 3rd baby and my greedy aunt (her mom)threw her the last shower. I mean, really, why a shower for the third baby and the other two weren't much older. I know my aunt did this for her to get more items more often than not for attention since she thrives on it. I can see her throwing a shower for my other cousin and his fiancee (not her son, a nephew)or even me not because she likes us but because she needs the attention.
This topic is one of those things that scares me about marriage. My mom also hates showers and know I hate them but I can see other people throwing one if I get married or have a baby. I could handle a coed no games shower but a woman only one with games would make me walk out of it.
Haha, TracySam, that's a good one! But I like the 2 week cold so they can prepare ahead. I don't like canceling the last minute, in case they have some expenses for each guest.
I had a few friends cancel on my wedding and they canceled on very short notice. I still had to pay about $100 for their table setting and I was very mad. Especially because I had a feeling before hand they might cancel. It is just not fair.
Okay, I'm not getting this. What is the difference of a family member hosting a wedding or baby shower as opposed to a graduation party, a birthday party, etc? It's the same thing. I guess everyone chooses to set their own personal rules. Btw I'm very southern and ive never heard of that being tacky.
I think that old-school conventional wisdom was that a family member holding a shower would be seen as greedy (ha!) Today, when many people don't all live in the same town, family members can be the most appropriate people to host.
I also thought it was tacky for my mom to throw a second shower for my sister the second time she was pregnant. But the justification was that since the first child was a boy, she had gotten all "boy things" the last time, and now that she was having girl twins, she's not only need "girl things" but twice the girl things. I seemed to be the only one who thought it was bad form. All my sister's friends, and our cousins, were like "of course you have to have another shower if the baby's a different sex." At least I had the open bar....
My cousin's three kids were all girls so why she needed a shower it beyond me. Speaking of which I was once invited to the shower of a woman going on her THIRD MARRIAGE. Really, a shower since she already had two before? It used to be you had one shower for marriage and one baby shower but know it's like every marriage and baby.
Okay, I'm not getting this. What is the difference of a family member hosting a wedding or baby shower as opposed to a graduation party, a birthday party, etc? It's the same thing. I guess everyone chooses to set their own personal rules. Btw I'm very southern and ive never heard of that being tacky.
I don't get it either. Also, I've never heard something like this until now. Around these parts, it's pretty customary for the mother to host these events. Bachelorette parties are generally thrown by friends, but "showers" are generally hosted by most of the mothers around here. It is quite common for friends to pitch in and help with the showers, but then .....not all mothers and daughters get along, do they?
Okay, I'm not getting this. What is the difference of a family member hosting a wedding or baby shower as opposed to a graduation party, a birthday party, etc? It's the same thing. I guess everyone chooses to set their own personal rules. Btw I'm very southern and ive never heard of that being tacky.
Somebody wrote an etiquette book, and the rest of us followed along I guess.
I have noticed in the years since I got married (31), that showers don't seem to be a surprise anymore. I had no idea when, or if, I would get a wedding shower, confirmed by all the pictures where I am in jeans while the guests were in dresses. The same thing with my baby showers. Surprised, and appreciative.
But, the bride whose wedding shower I have coming up, has determined the theme, the food, and the venue. Something about that just bugs me.
I thought that part of my life was behind me, also. But recently I received a shower invitation to our great nephew's bride-to-be's shower. I've never met her and I live in a city 7 hrs. away. I do plan to attend the wedding, but resent being invited to a shower they know I won't attend. To me, it was just a request for a gift.
Speaking of taking gifts to a wedding... When our daughter was married, a number of gifts were brought to the wedding reception. One gift did not have a card at all. We tried valiantly afterward to find out who brought it, but never did figure it out. Sad, but if the gift had been sent to the home, we could have either called the store or checked the return address in order to send a thank you note.
On thank you notes: A written thank you note should be sent for EACH gift given, even if there is a gift given for a shower and also the wedding (and I don't mean an e-mail). The person took the time and money to buy each gift and should receive a thank you note for each one.
welp.... I am single again, so no showers of any type for any of the ex's six siblings and their assorted offspring.... I have no children of my own.... I have one adult nephew in Houston, who I suppose will involve me in these affairs if and when he ever gets married.... most of my friends are my age and older.... but now that I think about it, there are a few young women sprinkled here and there in my life..... uh oh.... maybe I did speak too soon.....
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. But recently I received a shower invitation to our great nephew's bride-to-be's shower. I've never met her and I live in a city 7 hrs. away. I do plan to attend the wedding, but resent being invited to a shower they know I won't attend. To me, it was just a request for a gift. 
