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Old 04-01-2013, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,495,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
... I am actually switching major's not next term but the term after, so I just have to get through this and the next one. Until then - do you think it would be hurtful or rude if I tried to sort of distance myself from her? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she is making me nervous.
Whatever you do, don't TELL HER you're switching majors. I'd be totally weirded out by this behavior and would try to distance myself. You're awfully nice to worry about hurting her feelings. She's making you nervous; you have every right to defend yourself. Lots of crazies out there.
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Old 04-02-2013, 10:30 AM
 
26,314 posts, read 24,409,203 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
I'm not sure if I should be worried about this or not, so I thought I'd post my experience here and see what others think... should I just ignore this type of behavior or should I be concerned?

Last term in school there was another student who began to go out of her way to sit near or by me in every class we shared together. She was friendly, nice, not-threatening (didn't give me any odd vibes at the time) so I didn't think anything about it.

This term she's also in several of my classes, and she also sits by or near me... but now she's doing things that are kind of giving me cause for concern (or should I be concerned? I dunno...).

First she started buying the exact same school supplies I had - even down to the color of the notebooks and mechanical pencils. (I'm not kidding.) It sort of happened gradually, and then a few weeks ago I realized... dude... she even has the same backpack now. She had completely different stuff before, and now even her composition notebook is the exact same design.

She started wearing her hair down, telling me one day that mine was so pretty down that she was going to start wearing hers down, too. (Before, she always had it up in one of those messy buns that I wish I could get my hair to do, but I digress...)

She stopped wearing makeup. I never wear makeup and she had mentioned last term how she was too insecure to go without makeup. She wore really heavy makeup, even to the point of drawing in her eyebrows and wearing fake eyelashes. Now she's make-up free, like me. On the one hand I think this could be cool - have I inspired another woman to be more real and authentic and stop putting harmful expensive crap on their face? Yay - go me, right? But on the other hand, in amongst all the other things, it's just one more copy-cat sort of behavior that has me wondering if this is odd.

She stopped wearing ugg boots and jeggings and hoodies and stuff (stuff that most of the women wear to our classes) and she's wearing clothes more like I have always worn to classes (sort of office casual type clothing).

Also, once she learned that I prefer tea over coffee... she stopped bringing her Starbuck's coffee in with her every morning (last term she claimed she couldn't live without her Starbuck's) and now brings a thermos of hot tea - just like I have always done. And though her thermos is not exactly like mine, it is the same brand and color. (I got mine years ago, so they don't make that design anymore.)

Last term I mentioned during a class discussion that we were thinking about adopting a dog. The other day, she came up to me and told me she had adopted two dogs. She is supposedly unemployed and sleeping on a friends couch, so I wasn't sure what to make of this. The way she told me, it was like she was waiting for my approval, but it just seemed unrealistic and strange. We are a financially comfortable family and we aren't even sure we want the financial responsibility of a dog. I didn't know what to say to her, because in my head my response was something like, "How are you going to afford two dogs?" (I didn't say that. I was just thinking it. I felt bad for the dogs.)

And today, I noticed she is wearing a ring on her ring-finger that - I kid you not - is almost exactly like my wedding ring. It's like a cheap copy - my wedding ring is a very simple twisted braid of white gold. Her ring was probably silver but same simple twisted braid design, and on her wedding ring finger (she's not married). OH - and this reminds me - before she used to get those horrible long fake squared-off nails put on, but now she has natural nails like me. Short, clean, no polish. Last term, she was always talking about her nails with some other girls in class - I guess they all went to the same nail lady or whatever. Anyway - it's a stark contrast to what it was before.

I keep thinking of the movie Single White Female - it's getting creepy.

Thoughts?
she does not like herself the way she is, so since she admires you, she is trying to be just like you....she will also copy the way you talk, the things you like, and don't like....
yes, it's creepy, I had a girl friend who did the same thing....very same thing, and it made me extremely upset, when I confronted her about it, she pretended not to know anything I was talking about....
so I distanced myself from her....
She bought the very same coat & clothes, got her hair done the very same way, etc....
they say it is the nicest compliment, but I found it extremely uncomfortable.
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Old 04-02-2013, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,632 posts, read 4,754,707 times
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I suspect she is lying, or exaggerating, about much of the stuff she tells you. I had a friend who lied simply because the lies were more interesting than her real life.
It does sound like she is copying you and she probably doesn't have many friends (gee, I wonder why...) so she is trying to create a friendship with you by being "like you". Like the other posters said, try to avoid her by arriving later and sitting far from her or by taking a seat that is already surrounded by other students. Try to take your classes in a different hour, etc. Do not give her any personal info about your home life or family. Just try to be unavailable whenever she tries to engage with you. I know it sounds mean, but try to just cut her loose from you and drift away. If she should ask why you're so distant, or if you've been avoiding her, you could say you're just not into a close friendship with people you are in classes with, you are trying to focus on your studies, you have a busy schedule and more on your plate than you can handle. Whatever sounds right to you. You would be doing her a favor in my opinion...
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Old 04-04-2013, 12:04 AM
 
6,027 posts, read 13,092,155 times
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Here's the latest: Yesterday in class - while the instructor was talking and giving a lecture she leans over and talks over the person who was sitting next to me (the person that was in-between us) and starts asking me if I could help her with one of our other classes that we have together. I quietly and as politely as I could "shushed" her, explaining that I really needed to hear what the teacher was saying. She shook her head up and down and turned away. A few minutes later when the instructor was done talking, she asked again, and I told her that I wasn't the best person to help her in that other class, because I was having to get extra help in it as well (a little white lie - I have to study extra hard for that class but so far haven't had to seek out any extra help). I suggested a few other students who I knew were really "getting it" in that class, and suggest maybe she could ask them for help. A few minutes later, she got up and left the class before it was even time to go. Usually when she leaves she will smile and say bye to me, but she didn't even look at me. Today she wasn't at school at all. She's supposed to be in my class in the morning, and that's a tricky one... because it is a very small class and really there's no way for me to maneuver a situation where she wouldn't be able to sit next to me. Even when I've been trying to arrive late these past couple of days, she manages to sit very near me. It's getting really annoying. I've never wanted to skip a class before, but I am kind of feeling that way just so I won't have to deal with her.

Last edited by haggardhouseelf; 04-04-2013 at 12:17 AM..
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:56 AM
 
26,314 posts, read 24,409,203 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
Here's the latest: Yesterday in class - while the instructor was talking and giving a lecture she leans over and talks over the person who was sitting next to me (the person that was in-between us) and starts asking me if I could help her with one of our other classes that we have together. I quietly and as politely as I could "shushed" her, explaining that I really needed to hear what the teacher was saying. She shook her head up and down and turned away. A few minutes later when the instructor was done talking, she asked again, and I told her that I wasn't the best person to help her in that other class, because I was having to get extra help in it as well (a little white lie - I have to study extra hard for that class but so far haven't had to seek out any extra help). I suggested a few other students who I knew were really "getting it" in that class, and suggest maybe she could ask them for help. A few minutes later, she got up and left the class before it was even time to go. Usually when she leaves she will smile and say bye to me, but she didn't even look at me. Today she wasn't at school at all. She's supposed to be in my class in the morning, and that's a tricky one... because it is a very small class and really there's no way for me to maneuver a situation where she wouldn't be able to sit next to me. Even when I've been trying to arrive late these past couple of days, she manages to sit very near me. It's getting really annoying. I've never wanted to skip a class before, but I am kind of feeling that way just so I won't have to deal with her.
what you did was, you rejected her...and for some, they cannot deal with rejection...being said no to. I would distance myself from her as quickly as possible, and don't fear being a little harsh with her...that is what I had to do...honestly, I've gotten myself into more trouble with people, by not wanting to hurt they're feelings, when in fact, these people didn't care how much they were hurting me....
Stay clear of this person, b/c to me, she sounds a bit off, keep your doors locked...and don't go anywhere alone...especially at night...and I'm saying this to, b/c of all the campus crime right now, don't get all freaked out, just be cautious....is all, be aware of your surroundings, and never go anywhere at night alone....
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:33 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,407 posts, read 8,101,732 times
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I'm following this thread & will return again to read your updates OP. I don't know if this is just some lesbian crush she has on you (& I remember you said you're married) OR if it's smething really sinister & potentially dangerous.

How many weeks/months do you have left of these set of classes? Is she in ALL your classes? How can you make sure she doesn't know what you're going to take next term?

This is really wierd. She needs to get a life!
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Old 04-05-2013, 03:43 PM
 
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What's really weird now is that she hasn't been back to school since I declined to help her with that other class and she walked out early.

Anyway, I'm not sure what's happened to her, but perhaps my problem is solved?

There are I think 4 more weeks left of this term. Yes this term she is in all my classes, last term she was in all but one. We were both in the same degree program and started at the same time, so I assume that's why.

If she does come back this term and she asks what classes I have next term, I will probably make something up like, I haven't even signed up for any classes yet or the classes I need are full and I'm still figuring things out or something like that. I hate lying, but in this situation I don't want to be truthful with her, I don't want her knowing anything more about me, so I think it's safer.

This experience has really taught me a good lesson, though. I can be really naive, thinking everyone else is like me... a good honest hardworking person. But I really needed this experience, I think, so I could stop and realize that's not really true, unfortunately. Not all people are as nice or as safe as me. I definitely won't be sharing as much in my future classes, and will be more alert when people suddenly want to sit next to me all the time or start copying me or want to befriend me. I have already stopped talking in my current classes, unless the instructor calls on me directly. One of my teachers even asked me if I was OK, I told him I was fine but have decided not to share so much in class. He asked why and I just told him that I had decided it wasn't good to share in a classroom full of so many people that you don't know personally. It's sad that you have to be so leery of new people, but I think you just have to, especially these days. It's like the Door's song... people really are strange. Some people, anyway.

I appreciate all the responses, and if anything new happens I'll write about it here. Thanks and reps to everyone.
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Old 04-05-2013, 04:00 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,050 posts, read 9,477,664 times
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If you're to the point of changing your behavior such as skipping classes, or not talking in classes until asked, then it's getting to you in an unhealthy way. Are there counselors at your school? You might be wise to go talk to one, describe what's been going on (no need to name the 'weird' girl unless you choose to) and mention the changes in your behavior. They might have some good ideas, or at least some good moral support, for you.
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Old 04-05-2013, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,407 posts, read 8,101,732 times
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haggardhouseelf, I've never experienced someone obsessed with me like this, but I don't share personal info to strangers (such as a classroom setting) anyway. Well, maybe since she walked out, you'll never see her again, but that's probably doubtful.

I'd personally only see her in class because I have to be there. When class is out, I'd be walking at a good pace to get outta there & to my car. She prbably knows what kind of car you drive right? I wonder has she ever followed you home one day. I wouldn't doubt it.

The police may not be able to do much, but maybe you can file some kind of complaint with your college campus police about her stalking you...if you want to go that far.
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Old 04-05-2013, 07:41 PM
 
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As far as I know she doesn't have a car - she said in class that she rides the bus. So, thankfully, (and if it's true what she said about riding the bus) it would be kind of hard for her to follow me home. She probably does know my car, though, because one of the guys in the classroom had noticed what kind of car I drove and made it his business to broadcast it to the whole world in class one day, "Hey! Do you drive that _____? Because I saw you at ____ the other day... what year is it?" And so on...

I do tend to get there early and park as close as I can to an entrance/exit door. I've always done that, because I don't want to walk more than I have to with tons of books and I hate not having a decent parking place.
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