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I do not go around looking for teenage (under 18) friends. But I do have some under 18 "friends" (I call them protegees, really). We do not hang out but a few times a year when I take them out to eat and we discuss plans for their future, but we do keep in touch.
Quite frankly, though, I wish more adults were friends with under 18 teens as I see many positives. Sure, you have the potential for negativity, too, but that's going to be the case with anything.
Note, I do consider myself to be friends with one of my cousins, who just turned 17.
Haha well I’ve certainly been there in the past! And they’re the two most important people in my life besides my family. My best friend is 29 and a police officer, I’m 35, and we met in Taekwondo when I was 23 and he was 17. We remain best friends 12 years later! It has been a great friendship, even though indeed my master was like, “You no be friends with him! He too young.” Uhh ok haha well in a year we’ll both be in our 30s so really that’s just silly.
My GF was 17 when we started dating, I was 28, and of course there was plenty of judgment. But two days ago on our 7th anniversary of being together I proposed and she said yes, so things worked out great there too and I regret nothing. It’ll be a cold day in hell when I care what most mediocre people think about anything. I trust my instincts, not the herd.
Apparently a lot of folks think so...plenty of you, I'm sure, had an older friend, maybe it was someone middle aged, maybe someone in their 20s. You might've met them at some extra-curricular activity or something, and they're just friends, someone a bit older who can also give you a bit of guidance in life and whatnot. As you can read in the linked thread, I'm online friends with a few people who happen to be under 18. We just talk on facebook, that's it, and not even all that much, but apparently that's totally inappropriate.
What do you think? Should teenagers, specifically those under 18, be friends with people in their 20s or older?
I don't have any teen friends because we just wouldn't enjoy talking about the same things, even if the teen is mature for their age. It's just not fun to talk to them really. I don't know any of the current music (apart from Sia) or celebrities etc. I don't live on my phone or on Facebook. I can't relate. Not to say there isn't a teen out there who is an "old soul" but it just doesn't make sense for me to invest my time in a kid like that. My friends are in their 30s, 40s and 50s. As I have grown older I find my circle of friends by age is widening but I don't think I could ever be chummy with a teenager. I didn't even like teenagers when I WAS a teenager.
(this isn't taking into account having familial friendly relationships with teens who are my nieces or nephews etc. but they're family and not friends strictly so I make an effort to try to be kind and encouraging to them even if I'm not exactly interested in what they like or talk about etc.
Also does not apply to a mentor-ship but that's not a friendship. It's way different to be a "big brother/sister" to a teen in your life than to be a FRIEND because being a friend involves them understanding you and your life and teens IMHO don't have the life experience to understand what a lot of older people are dealing with.
I don't mean a 17 yr old can't be friends with a 21 year old EVER but if you're 35 and your best bud is 15 you have a problem there.
Apparently a lot of folks think so...plenty of you, I'm sure, had an older friend, maybe it was someone middle aged, maybe someone in their 20s. You might've met them at some extra-curricular activity or something, and they're just friends, someone a bit older who can also give you a bit of guidance in life and whatnot. As you can read in the linked thread, I'm online friends with a few people who happen to be under 18. We just talk on facebook, that's it, and not even all that much, but apparently that's totally inappropriate.
What do you think? Should teenagers, specifically those under 18, be friends with people in their 20s or older?
I think it`s inappropriate on line because at twenty odd percent in person communication not only can it not be considered friendship, not only can portrayed identity be false, but because this is where the majority of adults with a problem prey on kids it potentially causes anxiety for all those at the other end. Nobody is actually a friend on social media for nobody actually wholly exists there to begin with. It`s just wishful thinking. Off line it is either right or it is wrong, and every incidence of adult child friendship is a different one. Those within ten years of their age are statistically by far the greatest threat. I`d agree as far as this, older people tend to having the greater capacity for practical support. I am certainly not an advocate for reverse age prejudice, that is actually the number one problem which young people face, in my view.
Last edited by celebritydiscodave; 09-09-2018 at 04:40 PM..
When I was 12, I joined a hobbyist group that was mostly 20-, 30-, and 40-something-year-old guys. I didn't think twice about it. I enjoyed their conversation, learned a lot, and these guys--despite razzing me for my age--all took me under their wing. They were a lot more interesting that people my age.
Looking back, I'm pretty sure my parents had some misgivings, but these guys were all on the up-and-up.
Apparently a lot of folks think so...plenty of you, I'm sure, had an older friend, maybe it was someone middle aged, maybe someone in their 20s. You might've met them at some extra-curricular activity or something, and they're just friends, someone a bit older who can also give you a bit of guidance in life and whatnot. As you can read in the linked thread, I'm online friends with a few people who happen to be under 18. We just talk on facebook, that's it, and not even all that much, but apparently that's totally inappropriate.
What do you think? Should teenagers, specifically those under 18, be friends with people in their 20s or older?
Those under 18 should not be talking with someone older on the internet, unless their parents are aware of it.
If it's a secret...it means it's trouble
.
No way would I want my grand daughters talking to some stranger (much older than them) on discracebook.
I don't want no stranger giving what you so nicely call "guidance" or "whatnot"...at all.
It might differ completely from what we consider sound.
It's inappropriate when strangers give advice or befriend someone a lot younger, and the parents are unaware.....yes..INAPPROPRIATE....there's no excuse for knowingly deceiving the parents, as you must be..unless you have their blessings to carry on....NO excuse.
Personally I'm suspicious of someone who does that, and offended that they figure it's ok.
I have no interest whatsoever in friendship with a teen, and I raise an eyebrow at any adult who does, male or female.
I agree. I mean if you your parent(s)/guardians have friends that are adults and teenagers get along with them professionally that's fine but for adults to hang out with teens or even people in their early 20's to just feel younger is kind of odd. I would even feel odd having a best friend 15-20 years older than me and I'm 35. Too me it may be fine and harmless but something is a bit off. I mean 5-10 years at most is okay in difference but.. If they are minors anything can be said wrongly. I mean a 45 year old partying with someone is who is 18 frequently seems like there is really a gap or something a bit off in both parties. I mean if someone is at a club and all are drunk sometimes no one even knows the difference in age but to frequently plan things and get togethers in my opinion is a bit off. I'm glad it works for others on this forum but it just wouldn't work for me. It's fine to be friendly and approachable but to start planning things together or "hanging out" is a bit off I think.
Last edited by Educator1982; 09-11-2018 at 07:39 PM..
Not everyone with a sexual predator label goes out searching for a minor. Those are a relatively small percentage. A larger percentage by far are presented with an opportunity and take it quite by impulse. So that's something to consider. It's probably best, if there is a question, to avoid setting up a situation when the opportunity is present.
I've probably said before that at one time my husband and I both worked with children (at separate jobs). And we both enjoy kids. The first few years of our empty nest we gathered quite a troop of neighborhood kids who spent a lot of time in our yard. We practically ran a youth center. During the day it was planting and weeding flowers, card and word games and story telling with me and when DH came home at night it was kickball and catch, hide-and-go-seek, annie-eye-over.
It was a joyous time in our lives and helped us get used to not having our own kids at home. What was shocking was how no parents ever came to see who their kids were spending time with. The ones on our block, we all know each other but any farther than that apparently no one cared. Scary.
And, just to be careful, I was always sure to be outside when DH spent time with them. Kinda sad but important right now, I think.
In Chicago's west suburb of Berwyn, it is actually illegal under municipal law for anyone 18 or older to be friends with someone 17 or younger. In Berwyn, simply saying "Hi" to someone 17 or younger, in and of itself, is considered contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and they make sure you get no less than 6 months in jail for it.
I`m a sixty three year old male and one of my best friends is an eighteen year old girl, just turned, we may be going to Cornwall together next year surfing. Apart from the prejudice there remains only the reality, and the reality is not dependent upon ages, or respective ages, it is solely a product of the nature of those two individuals. The friendship so happens to be a perfect one incidentally. Father daughter relationships/friendships are far superior to most other, and are also massively under rated, a part of the same prejudice of course. I`m too responsible to have just another ordinary friendship.
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