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So this is my first time having a room mate who incidentally was a perfect stranger: we were randomly paired as we are both in the same program. Anyway, we are very different in temperament, style, personality and --to a great degree-- approach to life. I was brought up to be respectful of others and try very hard to not cross any boundaries as I know that my roomie is a little on the reserved, quiet side. I cook extensively and often invite her to share my meals (which she does). However, she has never once tried to share anything with me. While I had no intention of eating her meals (I don't eat the same type of food that she does), I sometimes wish she would at least ask. Besides the issue of sharing, we get along reasonably well and are cordial to each other.
My main question is I'd like to buy a TV for my bedroom but since we don't have one in the common area, I feel bad because it almost feels selfish to have it all to myself. We have not discussed getting a TV for the living room but based on historical events, I have a feeling she would not want to chip in for a TV...or would wait forever to get one. I recently asked her if we could discuss decorating the apartment (it is furnished but sparse) and she stated that she would talk about it when she has unpacked her bedroom (we moved in ~ 1 mo ago). I feel silly asking this question because I'm in my 20s but I don't really know the protocol for things like this. Bottom line is I will be spending 1 yr living with this individual and I don't want to create any unnecessary conflict.
Put the TV in your room. If she wants a TV she'll get one for herself.
If you come home and want to veg...do you think she'd turn the TV to your favorite show/channel if she is watching her favorite show/channel?
You aren't in a relationship with her and you aren't even friends with her. I understand wanting to be cordial and friendly, but I'm sure she wouldn't expect that you put the TV in the common area.
I don't get why you'd feel bad about having a TV for your room. Unless you just don't want to watch TV it's pretty standard for roommates to get their own. I roomed with a friend in college and my dad gave us his old plasma TV for the living room. I was happy I got a TV for my own room because he and his girlfriend spent more time at home than I did and would watch what they wanted about 95% of the time. If you do end up wanting a TV for the living room, tell her she needs to chip in or you won't buy it.
You guys don't have to be best friends. Don't cook for her if you don't feel like she appreciates it. If a friendship happens that's great, but it's more important to be functional partners.
I appreciate that you're trying to be considerate. Many don't even bother anymore.
Get a TV for your room. If she wants one, she'll get one. If, down the road, you find that there is a show you both love to watch, you can watch it together in the BR if you have a chair in there.
But this is your home, too. No need for you to walk on eggshells all the time and second-guess every decision.
My daughter has had over a dozen roommates (thru college and now as a young working adult) and has always had her own tv in her room. Nothing selfish about it. What you do behind your closed bedroom door isn't your roommates business. Even if you have a central TV there will be conflicts. My d likes to play video games and most of her roomies haven't been that type, or they have different tastes in shows, or something.
For $110 she can buy her own TV from Walmart. Or probably even cheaper from CL. But more importantly, why do you feel the need to "share" your possessions with a stranger-roommate? Do you share your laptop with her? Share your camera with her? Share your school books with her? I don't get it.
So this is my first time having a room mate who incidentally was a perfect stranger: we were randomly paired as we are both in the same program. Anyway, we are very different in temperament, style, personality and --to a great degree-- approach to life. I was brought up to be respectful of others and try very hard to not cross any boundaries as I know that my roomie is a little on the reserved, quiet side. I cook extensively and often invite her to share my meals (which she does). However, she has never once tried to share anything with me. While I had no intention of eating her meals (I don't eat the same type of food that she does), I sometimes wish she would at least ask. Besides the issue of sharing, we get along reasonably well and are cordial to each other.
My main question is I'd like to buy a TV for my bedroom but since we don't have one in the common area, I feel bad because it almost feels selfish to have it all to myself. We have not discussed getting a TV for the living room but based on historical events, I have a feeling she would not want to chip in for a TV...or would wait forever to get one. I recently asked her if we could discuss decorating the apartment (it is furnished but sparse) and she stated that she would talk about it when she has unpacked her bedroom (we moved in ~ 1 mo ago). I feel silly asking this question because I'm in my 20s but I don't really know the protocol for things like this. Bottom line is I will be spending 1 yr living with this individual and I don't want to create any unnecessary conflict.
Suggestions and advice will be appreciated.
Your roomate sounds like a person that uses and doesn't give back. If you buy a tv and put it in the living room next thing you know she will be controlling the remote and what you watch and you will have lost control of YOUR purchase. I would get the tv and put it in your room. I also think I would be cooking for myself.
Your roomate sounds like a person that uses and doesn't give back. If you buy a tv and put it in the living room next thing you know she will be controlling the remote and what you watch and you will have lost control of YOUR purchase. I would get the tv and put it in your room. I also think I would be cooking for myself.
Right - and if she protests, move it to the living room and channel lock it to the catholic channel or c-span3 If you're going to be living together for a year, it's time to set some ground rules. If you're not compatible, it's better to find out now then 3 months down the road.
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If you're going to be living together for a year, it's time to set some ground rules. If you're not compatible, it's better to find out now then 3 months down the road.
