First name/last name issue (neighbors, business, member, appropriate)

[chielgirl]

Originally Posted by jtaustin

Much younger, different ethnic background. But still, I want to be on a first name basis. And have asked, many times.

You're in a teacher/student relationship.
Perhaps he's more comfortable using the formal title in a formal relationship.

You want to force him to use your first name?
Read that again, seems pretty stupid.

[jtaustin]

Again, the key issue is that I've repeatedly asked him not to; it's not appropriate when we're working together. It makes me feel old, and apart, and the other members of the band think it's stupid. It also makes him look bad.

[chielgirl]

So, it makes you feel old.
That's the bottom line, isn't it.

[jtaustin]

No, the bottom line is I asked somebody not to do something and they refuse. Their refusal is socially awkward and infantalizes them.

[stan4]

I don't see how it's rude.

[chielgirl]

Originally Posted by jtaustin

No, the bottom line is I asked somebody not to do something and they refuse. Their refusal is socially awkward and infantalizes them.

In the classroom situation?
No, you're wrong.

Or did you just want pats on the back and you go comments?
If you want rubber stamping, this is not the place to post.
Facebook is the place for that.

[jtaustin]

who said anything about a classroom. reread the thread, the problem occurs when we're working ..you know, with other people, not during coaching (try to discriminate between the elements, if you can).

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by willow wind

OP: Didn't you say he was much younger than you ? The fact that he has the chance to call you by a first name and chooses not to, would indicate that he does not feel the same way about you.

He's not looking for a more casual relationship with you. Keep in mind you are a professional. Keep your relationship on that level. You're taking offense where no should be taken and getting too emotionally involved when you should not be. There is nothing you can do to make some one take a romantic interest in you. Either the spark is there or it is not.

Maybe he senses this and doesn't want to get to 'pally' with you, although I don't see how calling someone by their first name is a big deal.

Culture or not, if you request someone to call them by your first or last name they should respect your wishes. After all, it's YOU that he's interacting with, not people from his own culture.

[jtaustin]

When he comes out with the "Ms. X" during rehearsals the other band members laugh, having known me for so long. It makes him look like a child and he's pushing 40. And BTW, I'm no longer his private teacher; he, in fact, is teaching.

[chielgirl]

Originally Posted by jtaustin

who said anything about a classroom. reread the thread, the problem occurs when we're working ..you know, with other people, not during coaching (try to discriminate between the elements, if you can).

Here's what you wrote in your OP:

I have an adult student who, despite repeated requests to call me by my first name, persists in calling me "Ms. X." He is also a colleague in a different, less formal circumstances where everyone is on a first name basis. I'm offended by this. Don't you think it's rude?

You have an adult student = formal, student/teacher relationship, or as you are now saying, coaching.
You didn't call this person a peer.
Also a colleague = less formal, where everyone is on a first name basis.

You're mad because the person treats you formally in a formal relationship.

Try to be clear in your requests and presentation.
We can only go by what you write.