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I have an adult student who, despite repeated requests to call me by my first name, persists in calling me "Ms. X." He is also a colleague in a different, less formal circumstances where everyone is on a first name basis. I'm offended by this. Don't you think it's rude?
I have an adult student who, despite repeated requests to call me by my first name, persists in calling me "Ms. X." He is also a colleague in a different, less formal circumstances where everyone is on a first name basis. I'm offended by this. Don't you think it's rude?
It is possible that he is doing it to be rude but it is more likely that he does it as a sign of respect for you.
Is this person from a different ethnic background? Or are you in a different age group? Or from a different part of the country? Or is he military?
Many years ago the father of one of my students didn't look me in the eye while we were talking and I always wondered if he was being rude to me.
It wasn't until several years later that I asked him about it. I found out that, in his culture, he was showing me the highest honor and respect by keeping his head down and not giving me eye contact.
And why are you offended by this ? Based upon the way your student was raised, he is showing you the utmost respect. This is the way he was brought up, this is the way he is expected to act among his family and friends of similar ethnic group.
It may simply be difficult to go against everything he was taught. I can't understand why this bothers you. You're supposedly an educated person and should be able to see things from another person's point of view. We should all be respectful of other cultures as long as they do nothing to harm us. Often there needs to be a couple of generations in this country before another culture adopts American casualness. This seems to be one of those situations where you simply accept things the way they are and let it go. This should not be a big deal.
It's cultural and more than likely a sign of RESPECT to an AUTHORITY figure. I encountered the same when I taught a few college classes. I'm shocked that this would bother you.
I'm sorry, I left out an important element: I'm in love with him.
LOL! (Joking, I'll assume.)
I grew up calling most of my elders (aside from doctors, teachers and ministers) by their first names. I thought it was proper, especially when I started working part time jobs (high school) and had older work mates.
In the military I quickly learned to address my superiors as "Captain Xxxx" or "Sir", but I was never told about the civilian employees. My desk was next to a retired colonel's, Mr. Eichmann. We had the same job and got along fine. I called him Ike. That is until I got called into my superior's office and was reprimanded for not showing him the respect he deserved. Fact is that I had a great deal of respect for him and liked everything about him, but I was told that by calling him "Ike" it was disrespectful. It was "Mr. Eichmann" after that.
That was nearly 50 years ago in the deep south, but I've remembered that reprimand, and any time I've been in doubt since then I've used Mister Xxxx or Missus Xxxxx.
As an employer, most of my new employees called me "Mr Newk" until I told them that was my father's name and to just call me Wyo.
My point is that he's more than likely trying to show you respect than be rude. I've never before heard of anyone who thought it rude to use a proper title (Ms) with your name.
OP: Didn't you say he was much younger than you ? The fact that he has the chance to call you by a first name and chooses not to, would indicate that he does not feel the same way about you.
He's not looking for a more casual relationship with you. Keep in mind you are a professional. Keep your relationship on that level. You're taking offense where no should be taken and getting too emotionally involved when you should not be. There is nothing you can do to make some one take a romantic interest in you. Either the spark is there or it is not.
I have an adult student who, despite repeated requests to call me by my first name, persists in calling me "Ms. X." He is also a colleague in a different, less formal circumstances where everyone is on a first name basis. I'm offended by this. Don't you think it's rude?
If you requested a formal title and he persisted in calling you by your first name or a nickname, not to your liking, then yes, he is rude.
However, he persists in treating you more formally than you like. This tells me that is a little intimidated, or has been schooled to do this or he doesn't want informal ties with you. I think you will have to accept this.
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Fact is that I had a great deal of respect for him and liked everything about him, but I was told that by calling him "Ike" it was disrespectful. It was "Mr. Eichmann" after that.
