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Old 04-01-2013, 09:27 AM
 
Location: FLG/PHX/MKE
7,288 posts, read 13,459,532 times
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Not that much. I find that a lot of people don't have anything interesting to say.

As time goes on, I have realized that I would rather be with people with whom I shared some sort of mutual hobby or activity, rather than being with people just for the sake of getting together.
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Old 04-01-2013, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Earth
24,639 posts, read 24,783,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Spock View Post
Yes there is a better chance there may be some personal conversational chemistry with someone who shares a common background and shares interest and hobbies but I meet many people who have these commodities and we still have a hard time talking.

It reminds me of being set up for dates when I was single. A friend would tell me that someone was just like me and we had lots of shared interests but once we meet there was no conversational spark, no chemistry. They were fine, not bad people but we just had nothing to talk about after the first attempts at conversation.
But the art of conversation can be learned.
And it is an art.
I think that on-line communication as destroyed that art to a degree.
You can't see body language or facial expressions on-line.
It's a give and take relationship, you're relating.

If you go into this looking for failure, you'll find it.
That's a given.
Let down your defenses and give it a try.
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Old 04-01-2013, 09:45 AM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,436,188 times
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On a good day, I like most people. But to say that I have personal chemistry with most of them isn't true. I can't get very close to most people and I usually only get close enough to someone to like them and feel tolerance towards them. If I start feeling aggravated, annoyed, and having difficulty tolerating someone, it usually means we're already too close. That happens more quickly with some people than others.
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Old 04-01-2013, 09:56 AM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,484,890 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Spock View Post
I am always envious of people I know who have tons of friends and seem to have a special personal chemistry with them. I see people just having the greatest time visiting with their friends. They tell me they talk all night, laugh and get into the most interesting conversations with so many different people.

I want to meet more friends but in 99% of the time the people I meet don't share any personal chemistry. I am bored or indifferent to them and they feel the same about me. No one is at fault, we just don't click. I try to get in groups and activities with people who share common interests and try to get to know them over time but there is just no personal connection. I try to give them the matter of the doubt and lower my expectations but our interactions are just not satisfying. Many are OK people but I just don't enjoy talking to or spending time with them and the feeling is mutual.

Is this normal or do most people enjoy a good percent of the people they meet? How about you?

I call this the Curse of Genius.

Seriously, though, I think at least half of it is a shared sense of humor, or at least the ability to get people to laugh. Then they relax and open up a bit. And some of it is animation. Enthusiasm is contagious. If something lights you up, run with it. I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I have one friend who practically transforms into another person when he talks about it, and the way he talks about it makes it interesting.
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:13 AM
 
7,805 posts, read 5,938,614 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Spock View Post
I am always envious of people I know who have tons of friends and seem to have a special personal chemistry with them. I see people just having the greatest time visiting with their friends. They tell me they talk all night, laugh and get into the most interesting conversations with so many different people.

I want to meet more friends but in 99% of the time the people I meet don't share any personal chemistry. I am bored or indifferent to them and they feel the same about me. No one is at fault, we just don't click. I try to get in groups and activities with people who share common interests and try to get to know them over time but there is just no personal connection. I try to give them the matter of the doubt and lower my expectations but our interactions are just not satisfying. Many are OK people but I just don't enjoy talking to or spending time with them and the feeling is mutual.

Is this normal or do most people enjoy a good percent of the people they meet? How about you?
There's a lot of factors at play. To be honest, I myself am not going to click with more than 5% of people that I see around, especially when I am out in general society.

I honestly can't say what is going on. I think that you might just be at that certain time in your life. I was in a similar point in my life when I just didn't click with anyone. I'd probably take the opportunity to do whatever work on myself that I can. Take up some kind of hobby if you haven't.
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:18 AM
 
318 posts, read 475,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
I call this the Curse of Genius.

Seriously, though, I think at least half of it is a shared sense of humor, or at least the ability to get people to laugh. Then they relax and open up a bit. And some of it is animation. Enthusiasm is contagious. If something lights you up, run with it. I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I have one friend who practically transforms into another person when he talks about it, and the way he talks about it makes it interesting.
I am no genius but I do like people who are really smart and share an interest in intellectual things and creative thinking. I find most people boring who only are into chit chat small talk conversation. I don't meet anyone who likes to talk about all the interesting topics found on City Data.

I consider myself a good conversationalist but most people just don't want to talk about things that I find interesting. What do I find interesting? All the topics brought up on this board.
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,017,780 times
Reputation: 19442
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
I call this the Curse of Genius.

Seriously, though, I think at least half of it is a shared sense of humor, or at least the ability to get people to laugh. Then they relax and open up a bit. And some of it is animation. Enthusiasm is contagious. If something lights you up, run with it. I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I have one friend who practically transforms into another person when he talks about it, and the way he talks about it makes it interesting.
You brought up "sense of humor". If a person doesn't have a sense of humor, I don't want to spend time with them. If they only have ......say, and interest in one or two things....I can't do it. If they're always whining and complaining....I have to avoid them, or risk telling them they're frickin downers. LOL
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:28 AM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
4,245 posts, read 5,971,309 times
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Quote:
Is this normal or do most people enjoy a good percent of the people they meet? How about you?
No. Co-workers and I have zero in common, and I dont really meet that many people outside of wrok and most are not that interesting beyond casual pleasantries or bar talk

(in a bar environment I like to get people talking about themselves because people like to do that, so sort of interesting to hear their stories). But chemistry or freinds? No. Very few people like that in the world, for me. I'm a loner at heart.
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:29 AM
 
5,817 posts, read 5,159,817 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
I finally walked back to my house and clicked on city-data. Much more satisfying to me.
Think about this, folks. When we meet other people in person we rarely get rapidly into discussions like this. If we did, maybe we'd find more people more interesting to be around.

And conversely, if we met the people we interact with on this forum in person we probably would find them boring because we'd start out talking about the weather, or our kids, or how good the pie is.

So maybe the answer is - if you want to have a connection with someone, talk about topics that will bring out more than just shallow answers in other people.

I have taped a lot of oral histories though the years, and it always amazes me that fascinating s..t has happened to almost everyone. Wow, that old geezer was in D-Day! That old lady nearly froze to death in a snowstorm while hunting! Everyone's got an interesting story or two or more if you just take the time to listen.

That all being said, I wouldn't say I have ANY true friends at this point in my life. Other people's lives are exhausting. When I get sick of you people on the CD/forum, I just turn off the computer.
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:33 AM
 
571 posts, read 989,713 times
Reputation: 1447
I've really improved my skills as a conversationalist over the years. There are few people I can't sit with and find an interesting point of conversation. My husband hates sinking into conversation with certain people. He complains that they go into painful detail on topics he has no interest in (home improvement projects, in particular).

I always tell him to redirect the conversation. Interject, bring up something else. Don't let someone take the conversation down a boring path and then complain about it. Take control. How? Excuse yourself to grab a drink, use the restroom. Come back and bring up something else. It's easy to then backtrack and say "Excuse me - I didn't mean to barge in on your conversation." Most of the time, people will say, oh, that's fine, we were moving on to something else.

I used to hate small talk. I thought it was a waste of time. But, having gotten much better at it, I find I pick up really useful did-bits on all sorts of cool stuff.
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