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I'm a female & very, very, surprisingly, I actually have. Now, we only see each other about 2-5 times a year since we live about 45 minutes away from each other & are busy with school & work & we hardly ever talk on the phone, but we each consider each other a good friedn to the other. Our main method of communication is email & recently we've been texting more lately. I've known this person since 2008. She's about 10 yrs older than me. I met her at college.
It's extremely hard for me to make friends, much less good, long-lasting ones. I can count the # of friends I've had since age 18+ on one hand pretty much. My previous 2 good friends are no longer in my life. One I met in my early years of college passed at age 21 from health issues & the other I knew since jr high, moved away out of state for college at 18 & just tayed living there. After a while, we lost touch. I gave up when it seemed I was the only one initiating contact.
I've made quite a few friends at my country club. And they're men ranging from their 20s to their 50s. It's one of the places where you can still meet up with people regularly outside of work.
I am friends with everyone at work. I Invited them to my house for a BBQ, we let loose have some fun. It's interesting what people will talk about once they have 2 or 3 beers in them. People are so gaurded and selfish these days and this is why it's hard to make friends. Once people were at my house they noticed pictures and keepsakes of my military days and with one guy I started talking about my trip Thailand and another was stationed at Baumholder in the Army while I was at Spangdahlem in the AF and we had gone to the same festivals. Another guy was Hispanic and he never knew I spoke spanish and that my wife was fluent and had lived in Mexico and his wife and my wife were talking about Mexico in the kitchen. Another guys son and my son were both Pokemon fanatics so they hit it off and we talked about how much we hated that our sons were pokemon nerds and had no interest in foot ball, which spawned a lively debate about football everyone joined in on. One of our Vietnamese co workers talked about being an orphan refugee in Malaysia after the war ended. People had fascinating stuff to share.
None of this ever would have been found out if I hadn't extended the the offer to complete strangers 2 weeks after I had started working at my new company. 5 guys showed up the first time, next time I had a BBQ 12 people from work showed up. After that other people started hosting. Every person there brought gifts or pitched in a food item, everyone was courteous, now BBQs and g2gs with coworkers in common.
I based this model off of what happens when you PCS to a new station. You find common ground (old friend or super at your last base), you get invited to a get together and you go. You go out and have fun. Instantly you have common ground and something to talk about. But you have to be willing to let someone into your personal space, you also have to try your hardest to take advantage of an opportunity.
Yes. I certainly have.
You can't sit at home in front of your computer and expect to make friends.
Well, I did. Quite a few years after I was thirty I was doing PR for a rock band and answered a lot of messages left on their message board. One woman wrote in and asked about getting an autographed photo for her daughter. She apologized for the fact that the girl was young ... had a crush on the guy but didn't want to get him involved if it would embarrass him, etc. I liked the honesty and friendliness of her post and went ahead and arranged what she wanted, which the guy did willingly since he had his own daughters.
I always signed my messages with my first name and the name of the city where I lived. She wrote back and said she used to live there and missed it a lot. We began chatting back and forth and ultimately a great friendship developed. We now visit each other, travel together, spend some holidays together, and act as a support for each other since we are now both caring for elderly mothers with serious health issues. My friend's daughter is an adult now, but she still gets a thrill when that handsome trumpet player waves to her when he sees her in the audience.
I've made friends with a couple of other people I met online, too.
Last edited by Jukesgrrl; 04-02-2013 at 11:13 PM..
Reason: spelling
Well I can't say I have but then again I'm only 32. It seems like a lot of people grow into their adulthood ruts and kind of end up stuck with who they're stuck with buddy-wise...people they grew up with and spent time with when they were young and carefree usually. Much of it is owed to lifestyle choice though. Spouses and children and full time careers suddenly become the vast majority of most people's lives.
How does it work? Do you go like...."you're gay, I am gay, let's be gay together?"
Gays seem to have a much lower propensity to settle down and get boring than heterosexuals do. Kids aren't a factor for most gay couples, so they still have plenty of time, energy and disposable income to lead active social lives. They make good pals for straight men and women.
The older a married guy gets, at least from my experience, the less likely he is able to be friends with other married guys because they won't do anything without their spouses. I'll ask an acquaintance to go to lunch and he'll say lets bring the gals. So it almost always ends up being a couples thing rather than just the guys getting together.
On the other had the wives seem to go out together often with each other for lunch, dinner, shopping, or just coffee.
The problem with all this is that the men end up with just one friend. Their wife.
I believe it would be a lot healthier for guys to get together with each other and call on the phone once in a while. Better for the guys and the wives both.
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