People who want ME to be AGGRESSIVE but aren't themselves (person, abuse)

[TunnelOfLight]

I thought I'd write about this because it has happened on few occasions and it bothers me.

I was brought up to have manners. I show respect "hold the door open to a stranger so the door doesn't smack them in the face. Give cushion space to the person in front of me while driving so I'm not tailgating and allow people to get in my lane WHEN possible".

I am compassionate "I try to not talk negatively about people, even if I'm indirectly slighted I will turn the other cheek, I believe animals and nature are important just as much as humans are so I don't believe in hunting for sport or destroying nature just to prove how dominant I am".

I don't push my belief on anyone. I don't see them as anything special other than having "common sense".

OK, just so you have a better understanding of my beliefs and thought process...

I periodically have family, friends, neighbors, strangers come in my life and test me, call me passive behind my back, insinuate that I am weak, question my sexuality, think I'm weird, say I need to be more aggressive and dominant, be more mean, etc.

I don't feel the need to dominate or bully anything to make me feel like I am powerful. The people who say this are typically passive aggressive people.

They THINK? they are better than me, even to have pity for ME!

Then when I am finally pushed enough to where they cross my line, I CONFRONT them and they are STUNNED! They typically COWER and didn't mean ANYTHING that they said or don't know what I'm talking about! I usually try to avoid the confrontation because I know this is going to happen and it's uncomfortable but I can't take it anymore.

What are your thoughts on why some people like this? Why can't people accept other people's kindness? Why do they try to twist it that they are weak? Why is it that when you are pushed too far and call them out on it, they play the innocent victim?

[key4lp]

This is what I learned. If you are a kind, helpful & understanding person, many people see that as a weakness.
If you are a demanding, hard nosed, temperamental and manipulative person people see this as being
powerful. Guess who gets what they want?
There's an old saying too: Eventually if you live long enough ugly buildings, politicians and even prostitutes
get respect.

[silibran]

Well I don't think blowing up when you feel you can't take it any more is very mature. When someone belittles you, you should ask what you are getting out of the relationship you have with that person. If someone criticizes you, it is permitted to stand up for yourself. A civil discussion about this is best. But if the people you hang with continually make snarky comments, or recommend that you take aggressive actions they would not take themselves, I think you should start looking for better friends.

It is good that you recognize passive aggression in others. I wonder if you don't have a bit of this behavior in yourself? Otherwise, why are you hanging with these people?

[TJenkins602]

Originally Posted by TunnelOfLight

I thought I'd write about this because it has happened on few occasions and it bothers me.

I was brought up to have manners. I show respect "hold the door open to a stranger so the door doesn't smack them in the face. Give cushion space to the person in front of me while driving so I'm not tailgating and allow people to get in my lane WHEN possible".

I am compassionate "I try to not talk negatively about people, even if I'm indirectly slighted I will turn the other cheek, I believe animals and nature are important just as much as humans are so I don't believe in hunting for sport or destroying nature just to prove how dominant I am".

I don't push my belief on anyone. I don't see them as anything special other than having "common sense".

OK, just so you have a better understanding of my beliefs and thought process...

I periodically have family, friends, neighbors, strangers come in my life and test me, call me passive behind my back, insinuate that I am weak, question my sexuality, think I'm weird, say I need to be more aggressive and dominant, be more mean, etc.

I don't feel the need to dominate or bully anything to make me feel like I am powerful. The people who say this are typically passive aggressive people.

They THINK? they are better than me, even to have pity for ME!

Then when I am finally pushed enough to where they cross my line, I CONFRONT them and they are STUNNED! They typically COWER and didn't mean ANYTHING that they said or don't know what I'm talking about! I usually try to avoid the confrontation because I know this is going to happen and it's uncomfortable but I can't take it anymore.

What are your thoughts on why some people like this? Why can't people accept other people's kindness? Why do they try to twist it that they are weak? Why is it that when you are pushed too far and call them out on it, they play the innocent victim?

Sounds manipulative. I had a step mom like that. As a matter of fact, quite a few people I know will be a complete douche bag and then when I put my foot down and tell them what is, they act like victims and act all confused and crawl up in their corners.

[mikeyking]

Originally Posted by TunnelOfLight

I thought I'd write about this because it has happened on few occasions and it bothers me.

I was brought up to have manners. I show respect "hold the door open to a stranger so the door doesn't smack them in the face. Give cushion space to the person in front of me while driving so I'm not tailgating and allow people to get in my lane WHEN possible".

I am compassionate "I try to not talk negatively about people, even if I'm indirectly slighted I will turn the other cheek, I believe animals and nature are important just as much as humans are so I don't believe in hunting for sport or destroying nature just to prove how dominant I am".

I don't push my belief on anyone. I don't see them as anything special other than having "common sense".

OK, just so you have a better understanding of my beliefs and thought process...

I periodically have family, friends, neighbors, strangers come in my life and test me, call me passive behind my back, insinuate that I am weak, question my sexuality, think I'm weird, say I need to be more aggressive and dominant, be more mean, etc.

I don't feel the need to dominate or bully anything to make me feel like I am powerful. The people who say this are typically passive aggressive people.

They THINK? they are better than me, even to have pity for ME!

Then when I am finally pushed enough to where they cross my line, I CONFRONT them and they are STUNNED! They typically COWER and didn't mean ANYTHING that they said or don't know what I'm talking about! I usually try to avoid the confrontation because I know this is going to happen and it's uncomfortable but I can't take it anymore.

What are your thoughts on why some people like this? Why can't people accept other people's kindness? Why do they try to twist it that they are weak? Why is it that when you are pushed too far and call them out on it, they play the innocent victim?

I completely agree so many passive aggressive types who annoy, undermine and pick arguments in small ways - I see countless examples of people who only respect you after you have insulted or abused them in some way.

The best way to view life, almost everyone around you at some level is looking to determine your weaknesses, so just don't show any weakness and be confident in yourself.