I think my dad's racist (presents, present, definition, conversation)
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I can only say what I'd do in that situation, and that would be to start by erasing his cache and his cookies, including his saved passwords, just to make it difficult for him. Petty, I know, but if he got all annoyed and asked me how to recover them, I'd tell him that Stormfront, like other hate sites, is on the FBI watch list for hate crimes and that unless he wants the FBI knocking on his door, he'd better stay away from them.
Then I'd ask him why he even wanted to participate in such b.s. in the first place. I'd totally confront him with it, even if it embarrassed him. If you don't speak up and do something about it, you're just part of the problem.
It's like a lot of things you never knew about your parents or don't want your parents to know about you. I'd let it settle a little and try to not see him in a different light. If you've never been close; maybe it's because there were signs that were not obvious, all along. Our mind sometimes allows us to see what we want to see about a person. You can love the person you always thought he was and if he's racist you probably won't change him with any talking. Unless he goes out and hurts people or does other unethical things to people of a different race, he's allowed to feel what he wants; You don't have to agree.
My ex's family was racist but it was due to ignorance mostly. Not real hatred. They were foolish about a lot of things. I could only get along with them to keep the peace and accept the fact I couldn't change them.
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I should probably replace the "think" with "know." I've just moved out of my parents' place and got my own apartment. At the weekend I was getting the last of my stuff. I needed to check something online and I used my dad's laptop. On the Mozilla search engine, the typing of the word "S" brought up the site "Stormfront." The browser's history remembered it. I vaguely remembered a friend telling me about the racists on that site. I clicked on it and was led to a thread that denigrated Blacks and Latinos so disgustingly I couldn't read anymore. The worst part for me, however, wasn't the racist content - it was the fact that the username of one of the posters is a well used moniker my dad has made his own. At first I couldn't believe it, but looking through the history of the browser and finding other links (and many threads) to two more racist sites (and finding that the same moniker was used on those two sites) I've come to the conclusion that my father really is a racist.
I really don't understand it all. He's never displayed any bigoted thoughts before. I grew up in an overwhelmingly white suburb so it wasn't like his "coming out" would antagonize any of the neighbors. One of the things that baffles me, too, is that he routinely watches the NBA and the NFL, both sporting leagues that are majority black. And he also listens to music from a few black soul artists from the 60s and 70s. One of my mother's closest work colleagues is black and there's never been any indication that he dislikes her. It just doesn't make sense. I don't know, perhaps I'm naive - I don't really know about the inner workings of the mind of a racist, but for me he really doesn't fit the category. Any advice on the situation would be appreciated. Or are there people with a similar story?
OP--I hate that you have to face the reality of such. It's a harsh one, with few solutions.
My DW's father listens to Nat King Cole, is nice to any "Blacks" he interacts with publically, and pretty much acts like he's not a racist.
Here's the 'real' problem: behind closed doors he constantly tells tales of old -which propagate terrible stereotypes regarding African Americans, etc., etc. And he continues to shun and look down on any member of the family who has any type of real friendship or relationship with one.
It's crazy! It's maddening! It's frustrating!
He's a walking contradiction and hypocrite.
Needless to say, it has caused real problems in her family as well as my own.
Last edited by picklejuice; 04-07-2013 at 04:01 PM..
Fofina, there's different kinds of racists. Some are outwardly bad & show it & they don't care who knows, like the KKK & skinheads. Others are of course more subtle, but they still could have that same level of hate inside, but since they have jobs & need to make a living & have to get along in society with others, they hold their peace, but may still say racists comments to minorities from time to time such as: Let's crack the whip, monkey see moneky do, I'm a slavedriver, & many others. Those are just a few examples. Then, others, may be friends with Blacks & other minorities & have them over their homes, etc., HOWEVER, they sure don't want their kids actually marrying someone outside of the race because that's hitting way too close to home. Then the racist person fears that babies will be born & they'll have these biracial kids in their own family, which they do not want at all because they know they'll feel ashamed for the public to see that in their own family.
The ONLY good thing in your situation is what the other posters cdnirene said: The he didn't raise you to be a racist as well.
How does your mother feel about other races?
Last edited by Forever Blue; 04-07-2013 at 06:05 PM..
I don't know, perhaps I'm naive - I don't really know about the inner workings of the mind of a racist, but for me he really doesn't fit the category. Any advice on the situation would be appreciated. Or are there people with a similar story?
Racism is alive and well in this country, but isn't usually overt. Even in our country's most dire history, the Klu Klux Klan wore sheets and masks. In all other respects, the racist could be a very nice person, but they were brought up racist. My parents didn't think of themselves as racist, but they were. They would not be unkind to persons of other races, but they did think themselves superior, and in the company of similar minded were not averse to telling uncomplimentary jokes.
Before you start judging your father, give him credit for bringing you up to not be one -- or maybe you are and don't realize it yourself. Also, think about the fact that you could have been invading his privacy. Rather than going about with these thoughts, I would recommend asking your dad what he thinks of racism in this country. Ask him why he thinks the way he does. While he's responding, remember that he loves you, and you could be taking this out of context unintentionally.
So now people are racist if they wouldn't consider dating outside of their race, or would not encourage close family members doing so.
I'm not familiar with the site so maybe it's much more hardcore than I'm thinking....but making generalizations doesn't necessarily make someone hateful to individuals. You can have many many friends outside of your own race (and sexuality, religion, etc) If you don't pre judge an individual just bc of his race, sex, color, etc. is it so wrong to have general observations about a demograph as a whole? Especially when supported by statistics?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue
Fofina, there's different kinds of racists. Some are outwardly bad & show it & they don't care who knows, like the KKK & skinheads. Others are of course more subtle, but they still could have that same level of hate inside, but since they have jobs & need to make a living & have to get along in society with others, they hold their peace, but may still say racists comments to minorities from time to time such as: Let's crack the whip, monkey see moneky do, I'm a slavedriver, & many others. Those are just a few examples. Then, others, may be friends with Blacks & other minorities & have them over their homes, etc., HOWEVER, they sure don't want their kids actually marrying someone outside of the race because that's hitting way too close to home. Then the racist person fears that babies will be born & they'll have these biracial kids in their own family, which they do not want at all because they know they'll feel ashamed for the public to see that in their own family.
The ONLY good thing in your situation is what the other posters cdnirene said: The he didn't raise you to be a racist as well.
I said it before on this site and I'll say it again. Stormfront is a bastion of idiocy. Simple as that. I'm not racist nor do I carry generalizations about races because people are different. It's unfair to prejudge a race therefore affecting an individual. I don't let statistics think for me either when they are flawed and I'm more intelligent than that.
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