I think my dad's racist (boyfriend, husband, brother, personality)
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thats so sad
can a person start being racist all of a sudden, though? what can have possibly "trigered" it in him?
maybe you could bring out a topic at dinner and see how he reacts to it and confirm it? or talk to your mom and ask?
It is possible for people to become racists all of a sudden. No one is born racist in my opinion. There has to be, like you mentioned, a "triggering" event, no matter how old or young.
I don't think it would be such a good topic to bring it out at dinner out in the open. However I'm going back home again next week and I've decided to talk to my mom about it.
Many babies, before they learn to walk or talk, are scared of certain ethnicities.
Perhaps . . . but I wouldn't describe that as "racist." For instance I used to be scared of my old next door neighbour when I was baby simply because he had a really bushy beard and big glasses. I just wasn't familiar with big beards and glasses on a human face. A baby not being familiar with a person of a different ethnicity (someone who looks distinctly different to the people the baby is used to) is not the same as a bigoted, fully matured human being who is able to think for himself. Just my thoughts.
I should probably replace the "think" with "know." I've just moved out of my parents' place and got my own apartment. At the weekend I was getting the last of my stuff. I needed to check something online and I used my dad's laptop. On the Mozilla search engine, the typing of the word "S" brought up the site "Stormfront." The browser's history remembered it. I vaguely remembered a friend telling me about the racists on that site. I clicked on it and was led to a thread that denigrated Blacks and Latinos so disgustingly I couldn't read anymore. The worst part for me, however, wasn't the racist content - it was the fact that the username of one of the posters is a well used moniker my dad has made his own. At first I couldn't believe it, but looking through the history of the browser and finding other links (and many threads) to two more racist sites (and finding that the same moniker was used on those two sites) I've come to the conclusion that my father really is a racist.
I really don't understand it all. He's never displayed any bigoted thoughts before. I grew up in an overwhelmingly white suburb so it wasn't like his "coming out" would antagonize any of the neighbors. One of the things that baffles me, too, is that he routinely watches the NBA and the NFL, both sporting leagues that are majority black. And he also listens to music from a few black soul artists from the 60s and 70s. One of my mother's closest work colleagues is black and there's never been any indication that he dislikes her. It just doesn't make sense. I don't know, perhaps I'm naive - I don't really know about the inner workings of the mind of a racist, but for me he really doesn't fit the category. Any advice on the situation would be appreciated. Or are there people with a similar story?
You should have ignored what was filled in, erased it and finished doing what you were doing instead of SNOOPING on your Father's computer. It is NONE of your business what your Father does on HIS computer.
You should have ignored what was filled in, erased it and finished doing what you were doing instead of SNOOPING on your Father's computer. It is NONE of your business what your Father does on HIS computer.
Yes, what my father does on his computer has nothing to do with me. And when I went on Stormfront, I didn't go on the site in order to "snoop" about my father. Like I said I remember someone telling me about it and I clicked onto the site out of my individual curiosity. I didn't expect to find my father's profile on a thread where the OP wished that all mixed race children died of a disease because their existence was "unnatural." I would think that Aliens landing on earth would be a more likely possibility than my dad being a member of such a site. And in light of such a disgusting topic, I'm sorry, maybe you'd simply turn a blind eye to it if your father was the one concerned, but I certainly wouldn't.
Yes, your dad could have been radicalized after being benign about such things most of his life. The airwaves, TV, internet, etc. are filled with hate. As he gets older, life may seem more insecure for him, the world more dangerous, more confusing, financially frightening, etc.
Hate groups offer common comfort to frightened people. They're simplistic in their thinking. And simple views appeal to people who find the world chaotic. It's also possible that your father was always this way, but never had any reason to overtly express his views. Even the worst racists are usually polite in public.
What should you do about it ? In my opinion, probably nothing. You're an adult, you're out on your own. Who he is has nothing to do with who you are or how you live your life.
First you're going to have to explain why you're snooping in his internet files. Yes, you borrowed his laptop, but you did not need to link to link to link, etc. Your search should have been confined to only what you needed. What you did right there is going to cause a big problem. He will never, ever trust you again.
Secondly nothing you and he can say to each other will change how he thinks. He is not pushing his views onto you to his family. What ever he feels he is keeping to himself. You grew up to be non-racist so he must have been doing something right in raising you.
Really, the discussion you want to have with him is only going to cause a breech in your relationship with him. Let me ask you something. Let's say he admits to being racist. Then what ? Do you want to spend the rest of his life arguing with him ? Do you never want to see him again ? What is it you hope to achieve ? You won't convince him he is wrong. Not going to happen. These views evolve in people on their own. You don't talk people out of them. They have to come to that realization by themselves. It's an internal process, not one you can impose from the outside by reason or arguing.
If you're dad's racism is limited to the internet, so be it. It's if you have children and he tries to indoctrinate them or if he starts spewing forth racist stuff at Christmas dinner with the extended family-- then you have tell him to cut it out. Then there needs to be very strong boundaries.
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