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Old 11-28-2014, 11:52 PM
Status: "Ahh. 107*, perfect." (set 4 days ago)
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
1,559 posts, read 1,974,349 times
Reputation: 3914

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I look at people directly when they talk or I talk.

Usually it's 30 sec on 5 seconds off, that's an acceptable ratio to me. It's a pet peeve of mine when people look 10 degrees left or right and continue talking staring blankly into space.

It makes me think four things. 1. No confidence 2. Not telling the truth. 3. Not interested in talking. 4. Not showing respect. If you can't look me in the eye or take eye contact, that means you subconsciously don't respect me, you fear me, or you lack confidence, any of the above is not acceptable.

I find people who don't make eye contact are rarely good a speaking to a group and can't do well in any type of customer service role. We had a young sales/support engineer who was fired because he botched 3 sales in a row. The boss felt he was awkward and timid, he rarely made eye contact, it was weird. Now, we have a guy who is not attractive, but he is smart as whip, has good social graces, is likeable, can talk to a group and has good eye contact. He is extremely successful and is our highest paid engineer (sales=commission), probably a driving force behind our company's success.

I find people who can make eye contact go further in life... People who don't stay stuck at the same level for quite some time.
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Old 11-29-2014, 03:06 AM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
735 posts, read 725,160 times
Reputation: 922
I make eyes contact during conversations, but I don't stare as I find it creepy when people stare into mine during conversations. Even during non-vocal communication, such as situations of shock and the look of asking "did you see that", "can you believe that", etc., I make eye contact but don't stare any longer than needed for the communication or getting acknowledgement. It would be creepy to.

However, sometimes I accidentally unconsciously stare at people and into their eyes when I'm daydreaming, then they usually snap me out of it by staring back with a smile or angry or annoyed expression on their face. I try not to because it's embarrassing, and I know some people get creeped out by any stares, but when I get too relaxed I either fall asleep or daydream and lose my consciousness.

The only time I deliberately have staring contests into eyes is during hostile situations, such as during fights and disrespectful talk toward me or when I disagree with the way someone is being treated. Intense, unrelenting stare downs of fury (with a potty mouth) has made belligerent people & bullies back off most of the time. It's a very useful tool in these situations, and the only time staring isn't embarrassing nor creepy to me.

I'm aware some people and some cultures don't like making eye contact during conversations, and I find it unusual and different, but what I find weird & funny is people who get annoyed by their lack of making eye contact. In fact, I just laughed when I typed that because there was a person on Youtube who was obsessed about a person in a video interview not looking into the camera to give the effect of making eye contact with the viewers (LMAO)!
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Old 11-29-2014, 05:13 AM
 
10,171 posts, read 7,034,037 times
Reputation: 23927
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Eye contact is good up to a point where you are making people uncomfortable.

The fact that you know what color his eyes were makes me think you like him.
I had a teacher in HS who had a very strange eye color...they were almost clear. Making eye contact with him was super hard. I knew his eye color, but only because he forced eye contact.


As an aside...I think forced prolonged eye contact is a power play. I did it to adults as a teen to prove how tough I was.

Or sometimes it could be a boundary thing...like close talkers. They just don't get it
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Old 11-29-2014, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Northern Ireland
3,402 posts, read 2,582,449 times
Reputation: 526
I try to but always look away when they look at me. Some people seem to not like it.

Its different for me. Some people I can look at and continue proper eye contact but others are like they have firey eyes.
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Old 11-29-2014, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Northern Ireland
3,402 posts, read 2,582,449 times
Reputation: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyAMG View Post
I look at people directly when they talk or I talk.

Usually it's 30 sec on 5 seconds off, that's an acceptable ratio to me. It's a pet peeve of mine when people look 10 degrees left or right and continue talking staring blankly into space.

It makes me think four things. 1. No confidence 2. Not telling the truth. 3. Not interested in talking. 4. Not showing respect. If you can't look me in the eye or take eye contact, that means you subconsciously don't respect me, you fear me, or you lack confidence, any of the above is not acceptable.

I find people who don't make eye contact are rarely good a speaking to a group and can't do well in any type of customer service role. We had a young sales/support engineer who was fired because he botched 3 sales in a row. The boss felt he was awkward and timid, he rarely made eye contact, it was weird. Now, we have a guy who is not attractive, but he is smart as whip, has good social graces, is likeable, can talk to a group and has good eye contact. He is extremely successful and is our highest paid engineer (sales=commission), probably a driving force behind our company's success.

I find people who can make eye contact go further in life... People who don't stay stuck at the same level for quite some time.
I am like that to be honest. Not going to lie.. I try and apply for stock taking jobs etc. I don't want to be a pain for a company so don't apply for customer service jobs.

In saying that its not my fault I was born this way.
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Old 11-29-2014, 08:54 AM
 
2,620 posts, read 2,508,598 times
Reputation: 7207
Quote:
Originally Posted by straw71 View Post
I always make eye contact to show that I am paying attention and that I am listening , however I do not hold eye contact the ENTIRE time. I do look just to the side of the person's face but only briefly and only for short moments at a time. To me making eye contact is respectful, just not creepy staring !!
This is pretty much me too. You try to show you are paying attention with eye contact, but after a certain amount of time, it gets awkward and I need to give it a break for a second.
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Old 11-29-2014, 09:14 AM
 
338 posts, read 337,221 times
Reputation: 338
No, I don't, and it kind of creeps me out when people do it to me.

Eye contact is fine in moderation, but come on, my face doesn't look THAT interesting.
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Old 11-29-2014, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,596 posts, read 13,085,420 times
Reputation: 16135
Some eye contact is important but not to the point where you look like you are trying to hypnotize them. 3 seconds, then glance away.
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Old 11-29-2014, 05:39 PM
 
Location: San Diego
1,146 posts, read 419,416 times
Reputation: 2473
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bmachina View Post
Only if I am eating a banana.
Sometimes I have a hard time focusing when I'm talking to someone but especially if its a guy I'm attracted to. If he has blue or grey eyes, I'm automatically hynotized. Throw in some facial hair....take me to your lair.
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Old 11-29-2014, 11:19 PM
 
Location: Minneapolis
413 posts, read 431,332 times
Reputation: 658
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyAMG View Post
I look at people directly when they talk or I talk.

Usually it's 30 sec on 5 seconds off, that's an acceptable ratio to me. It's a pet peeve of mine when people look 10 degrees left or right and continue talking staring blankly into space.

It makes me think four things. 1. No confidence 2. Not telling the truth. 3. Not interested in talking. 4. Not showing respect. If you can't look me in the eye or take eye contact, that means you subconsciously don't respect me, you fear me, or you lack confidence, any of the above is not acceptable.
Unless you are Jane Goodall talking about working with chimps what you've posted sounds a little disturbing. The fact that you have an 'acceptable ratio' of eye contact and your 'four things' with pretty much sound like an excerpt from Conversations with Koko makes me think people avoid eye contact with you for good reason.

How do you know the 10 degrees left or right? Do you carry a protractor?
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