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Well darling you must have some redeeming qualities or your co-worker would have NEVER told you the truth. They would have smiled and nodded. The fact that they told you the problem is a good sign.
I live in ATL, I consider myself southern even though I was not raised in the south. My BF is from NJ. I certainly don't judge people because of accents. I do judge them for rudeness. You can be loud and outspoken without being an inconsiderate d-bag!
I'd have another talk with your co-worker, be open-minded. Atlanta is full of people that are not from the south. Maybe your problem is not your location.
To the OP, do you look like a douche? What I mean is apearances go a long way. If you're a good looking person, people tend to talk to you more because then they think they look good too. But if your co-workers are looking at you saying "this Fat A-- , from NYC is loud and annoying", then your already behind the 8 ball.
And funny, theres so much bashing NYC in these comments, but I bet most of you have been telling your friends/family "I cant wait to visit NYC one of these days". Do yourselves a favor and dont go. You will only get your feelings hurt, or worse come back home stripped buck naked and broke for going into the wrong part of town. I'd stay away from Boston for the time being too. The attitude aint that much different.
Well darling you must have some redeeming qualities or your co-worker would have NEVER told you the truth. They would have smiled and nodded. The fact that they told you the problem is a good sign.
I live in ATL, I consider myself southern even though I was not raised in the south. My BF is from NJ. I certainly don't judge people because of accents. I do judge them for rudeness. You can be loud and outspoken without being an inconsiderate d-bag!
I'd have another talk with your co-worker, be open-minded. Atlanta is full of people that are not from the south. Maybe your problem is not your location.
I'd have to agree with this. I am from NJ, and moved to Atlanta 7 years ago. People make fun of the way I pronounce certain words, but they don't think I'm rude (eek, at least I've never been told so).
I love New Yorkers and NJ natives. I never thought of them as loud, brash or rude, just honest.
Southerners aren't perfect either. They act tactful or coy, but then circle back when you aren't looking...
The upper midwest has "Minnesota Nice", and it's alive and well.
All regions have their thing but it's usually easier to get along in one as a newcomer, if you can at least accept that people are just the way that they are, and try to adapt, or even just pretend.
Oh my God when we lived in Ohio this drove me nuts! "Midwestern nice". At first I though everyone was so polite and friendly, then after a while I realized most of them were fake as hell, and were judging behind your back. It was like people had some allergy to simply telling you straight up how they felt about anything. Putting it all out there was a definite no-no. You must pretend everything is nice and calm at all times, and ignore any elephants in the room.
I have to say it took a lot of getting used to. I was so glad to get out of there. LOL. I'm so glad to be back on the east coast.
I've been there ja1. I'm a sarcastic northeasterner who has at times struggled to be accepted by softer, slower, country and southern types who are easily offended.
When I care to I've softened my speech around them, dialed down the energy, and just adapted to their flow. But that kinda sucks because you become a facade of a person, hiding your true self.
Anyway, the main question I'd want to ask you (just checking), is if your accused d-baggery is linked to any truly selfish or hurtful behavior. If you can answer 'no' , then it IS them. And you'll probably want to dial it down like me; you can be your full self after work.
That's what I've been told. People say that I am too energetic or "intense" when I speak about things that are of some importance (work, politics, etc.). Perhaps I should just not be energetic? I don't even see myself as energetic, I just want to get some work done instead of gossiping about which co-workers are banging each other. Is that really such a bad quality?
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie5v
I'm also from NY and have now been in VA for over 20 years. I'm still considered rude. And loud. I've done my best to tone it down, but I don't think I will ever completely adjust to the expectations here. All my closest friends are also from NY and are even louder than I am. The southern idea of polite, which here is combined with a high level of diplomacy that I think comes from the influence of govt and politics, means that in this area stating your opinion bluntly on just about anything comes across as rude. Polite is not openly disagreeing with anyone, never responding to anything with emotion, never questioning anyone, basically holding it all in and doing a great job of hiding all negative emotion or signs of disagreement. It doesn't mean they won't get you when you're not looking, however - people are not actually more agreeable here; they just pretend to be.
Of course, you might really be a d-bag, I don't know you so I don't know. But the NY mannerisms - loud, direct, emotive - are all pretty much not considered polite or even professional here. I think it scares people. Someone at work once told me that I make people nervous because they're not sure what I'll say - that I might just blurt out some truth that is better left unspoken, or call someone out on something instead of politely ignoring it. So maybe you're a d-bag, and maybe you're just a New Yorker. Hard to say, but down here it's pretty much the same thing. Learn to tone it down if you can and you'll be more successful.
**Just realized that I thought this was in the Northern Virginia forum, but you are in Atlanta. Way worse! Good luck to you.
I really don't get this whole "NY mannerisms" thing. Does it just mean that we're all loud and too energetic and rude? I hold doors for people (sometimes) and say please and thank you. How much more friendly must I be to a stranger or a co-worker too in order to be perceived as a nice person down here? It makes no sense to me.
There was an incident when I first started at this firm down here when I was truly fresh out of New York and this lady who works in the department upstairs needed a document completed by me by 4PM. So I finished sent it at 3:45PM and she emailed me back saying that I need to get it done sooner so she can email it out to the client.
So I go upstairs and apologize politely since it was my first week there and she said "it's fine, I know you're from NY."
And I snapped.
I pretty much just said what the hell does that have to do with anything? Are you saying NYers are late? Have you forgotten that it's my first week here?
Soon enough my supervisor came over and pulled me into a conference room and told me to stop being so loud. I told him to tell the lady to get off my back about being from NY and that was my first warning at this company. What a friggin' joke. I know I was probably being loud when I was tell her to chill out but I was taught to not let people walk all over you and to stand up for yourself and that's what I felt I was doing.
Please tell me if my thinking is just completely incorrect. I really do want to make more friends down here and not be known as the agency douche bag.
So I go upstairs and apologize politely since it was my first week there and she said "it's fine, I know you're from NY."
And I snapped.
LMAO!!!!!
Okay, I get where you are coming from. A thousand girls I grew up with would have done the same thing.
But you can't do that at work. Even in NYC that would have been looked down on, but they might have had a bit more tolerance just because they might have been used to having more hotheads around.
You need to master the art of throwing "work shade". A puzzled look, a tilt of the head, and a dripping sweet "I'm not sure what that means. Could you explain?" should have been enough to get her to stutter and explain herself, or backtrack altogether. She might not have meant anything by it, she might have just been trying to say she knows you're new.
You have to learn how to continue to be direct while toning down the attitude. Attitude is not a commonplace thing everywhere in America. Going from 0 to 100 in 10 seconds will scare people in Atlanta. In NY folk might just throw it back at you and you'll both get reprimanded when its over, but no one will get fired. But elsewhere throw too much 'tude and you are unemployable. LOL
Forgot to say thank you to all of you who responded by the way. I really appreciate all the thoughts and although I will not be directly answering to all of the responses, I want you all to know that I did read them all. Ya know, since I'm really not a douche bag at heart.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose
I'm in MT... a gentleman I work with is from the "East coast". He is rude, demanding, looks down upon women, and always has to be right. God forbid you have a question and not ask him first. We just roll our eyes behind his back and blame it on where he's from, but none of us really get along with him. He eats lunch alone and we generally don't include him in our conversations (although, he will inject himself in any conversation going on near him).
I've never been to the East coast, but it would be interesting to see if most folks are similiar to him in attitude...
Real NYers and East Coasters in general aren't like that though, at least not what I grew up around. I mean, yeah, of course there are going to be people like him everywhere, but he kinda sounds like one of those people who thinks they're the absolute bomb for being from a big city and then moves to a different area of the country and makes it a point to make sure everyone knows where he's from. I'm not like that at all. I try having friendly conversations with people. I've even taken a bunch of co-workers from my team out to lunch and dinner, all paid by me. Still, I'm seen as a douche.
The only thing that gives away the fact that I'm not from Atlanta is that I have a distinct northeast accent. Southern people think I'm joking when I pronounce coffee as "cawfee" or however it sounds like and all the other stereotypical words. It annoys the hell outta me. Why can't people just understand that I was raised a totally different way than them and let it be? Does it really matter how I pronounce the freakin' word "coffee" or "talk" or "dog"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernBelleInUtah
Every person from NYC that I have ever met is loud, demanding, and abrupt. They interrupt all the time. They seem to think that anyone who speaks slower/softer than them is mentally slow.
Look at your behavior and tone of voice for clues.
Loud I can understand. I don't know why we're like that, but we are I guess. But demanding and abrupt? I don't see how you figure. I am patient to a certain extent and I don't think I'm abrupt at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
I grew up in the NY metro area and lived in the South for many years, and I never had this problem. Although abrasive New Yorkers like to use the New York excuse, it's really that they're abrasive people who happen to have a New York accent--which, BTW, grates on nerves all across the country because it's so staccato.
You might want to consider attending a seminar in business etiquette and do something about your accent. It will serve you well wherever you go.
I was hired in here as an executive team member, so I think my business etiquette is just fine. I can conduct any client meeting or conference call with ease and all of my clients love me. All of them just renewed their contracts last month.
And sorry, I'm not going to try and erase my accent. I don't even realize I have one at times. I tried to talk like a "normal person" when I first came down here but people could still figure out I was from NY so I just said forget it and I just speak how I was taught to speak now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 43north87west
I give you a lot of credit, because it seems as if most New Yorkers refuse to accept that local traditions and culture elsewhere, don't give way for the exclusive convenience of New Yorkers who might be passing through or moving in. They're always complaining about locals, or about lack of amenities, or about how everything isn't "like New York". The reality is, they come off as tactless and whiny in a lot of areas outside of New York, and that's because, by local standards, they pretty much are.
When you move to a different place, and work with locals in that place, you have to accept that people aren't going to be the same. If you are from New York, Philly, Boston, or points in between, and you now live in the south, you need to cool it. Sit back, observe how people interact, and modify your behavior. Southerners are a lot more reserved and tactful at work, than are people in the Northeast. Blunt demands or explosive displays of exasperation that are commonplace in the Northeast, aren't understood the same way in the south. Some things, they don't even know how to handle. When things are said with that nasal "waaAAHHhh" tone, it just makes it sound as if the speaker is irritable and whiny.
Even though your co workers should obviously cut you some slack for being out of the area, there are so many of them and only one of you, so you're the one who sticks out. Just try to approach things like they do, even if it takes a conscious effort. Eventually, it won't take any effort on your part, and you'll get much better responses from others.
Thanks for the advice. Makes a lot of sense. I have met other New Yorkers who believe that NY is Heaven and I don't understand why they feel that way. It's like living in Nazi Germany in a way but I don't really wanna open that can of worms.
I will definitely keep my approach in mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by easternerDC
If you are offending a large number of people in your organization, you should take a closer look at how you are saying things and what you are saying?
when the issue of the budget came up, what were the words you used? Did you raise your voice and say something like "What the h_e_l_l is the budget for? Just reading your post seems to indicate that your tone and manner of approaching things is going to be offensive to a lot of people. I know I may be reading between the lines, but the way you set up the situation seems like you went to this guy with an sense that you were going to tell him to do something and he BETTER do it because it HAS to be done, no questions asked, not discussion, just do it.
How can you read my post and feel like my "tone and manner of approaching things is going to be offensive to a lot of people."? That makes no sense to me. You're reading words on a screen, not listening to an audio clip.
I do get what you're saying though, approach and tone is everything. And I know it is back home too but apparently it's a bit more strict down here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2
Ok, HE said it couldn't be worked in. And YOU wanted to know why not. Did you know why he said that or what had been done....Nope, It"blew your mind" I don't think he took offense in what you asked, but because YOU seemed to want to continue to argue a point that he didn't.
Yep, in this case, you were a d-bag. Why didn't you have the good sense to just shut your mouth for a while? If the issue was very important, it would come up again. If not, then you were doing nothing except showing the guy that you thought you knew more than he did.
If this was a typical happening, it's going to take a change on your part.
You just blew my mind too.
So you're saying I'm a douche bag for asking another member of the executive team to explain to me why the budget which we both have an equal say in doesn't include something that I feel is important? All I did was ask a question, I wasn't arguing any point. I didn't even have a point to argue since I was merely asking a harmless question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cislga
Well darling you must have some redeeming qualities or your co-worker would have NEVER told you the truth. They would have smiled and nodded. The fact that they told you the problem is a good sign.
I live in ATL, I consider myself southern even though I was not raised in the south. My BF is from NJ. I certainly don't judge people because of accents. I do judge them for rudeness. You can be loud and outspoken without being an inconsiderate d-bag!
I'd have another talk with your co-worker, be open-minded. Atlanta is full of people that are not from the south. Maybe your problem is not your location.
I'm pretty good looking and a lot of the women at the firm have made it known that I'm a handsome guy. But I obviously don't walk around like I'm the absolute **** since I can't stand people who do that. I am confident but I'm starting to think my idea of confidence is a little overbearing to southern people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacktravern
To the OP, do you look like a douche? What I mean is apearances go a long way. If you're a good looking person, people tend to talk to you more because then they think they look good too. But if your co-workers are looking at you saying "this Fat A-- , from NYC is loud and annoying", then your already behind the 8 ball.
I don't look like a slob or a douche. I work out every morning, get my hair cut every Saturday morning, and I wearing nice clothes.
Okay, I get where you are coming from. A thousand girls I grew up with would have done the same thing.
But you can't do that at work. Even in NYC that would have been looked down on, but they might have had a bit more tolerance just because they might have been used to having more hotheads around.
You need to master the art of throwing "work shade". A puzzled look, a tilt of the head, and a dripping sweet "I'm not sure what that means. Could you explain?" should have been enough to get her to stutter and explain herself, or backtrack altogether. She might not have meant anything by it, she might have just been trying to say she knows you're new.
You have to learn how to continue to be direct while toning down the attitude. Attitude is not a commonplace thing everywhere in America. Going from 0 to 100 in 10 seconds will scare people in Atlanta. In NY folk might just throw it back at you and you'll both get reprimanded when its over, but no one will get fired. But elsewhere throw too much 'tude and you are unemployable. LOL
That makes sense after I think about it for a little but at the time I guess my thinking was that she just made it clear that she thinks NYers are incapable of doing their jobs and I didn't want to hear it.
The 0 to 100 thing makes a lot of sense though. I tend to "snap" a lot as does nearly all of my family and friends. Definitely not a good quality.
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