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Old 04-19-2013, 10:10 AM
 
4,231 posts, read 2,754,447 times
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"Mean" is relative. What you consider "mean" and what I consider "mean" could be completely different. What might offend you, may not even warrant a response from me. Such is the nature of perception.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:13 AM
 
19,304 posts, read 14,781,073 times
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No matter how thick skinned people claim they are, the reality is quite opposite.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
9,121 posts, read 4,865,918 times
Reputation: 12802
Gonna move this to Non-Romantic Relationships
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Yellow Brick Road
35,458 posts, read 43,142,431 times
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I think sometimes folks feel they can hang loose and say what they really want to say (but would never actually say!) in real life.

I also think some folks misinterpret what they have read and get all hyped up b/c of some personal issue in their own lives. They jump on others without even understanding (grasping, fully absorbing) what the other person actually meant!

I also think sometimes things can come across as more harsh than meant to be -- it all depends on how the reader might interpret the "tone" of what was written.

But yeah, there are those who simply want to fight and so put things on that level. Minimizing, snide, mocking remarks are not helpful.

In the POLITICS thread, sparring is par for the course. Don't even go to that forum unless you are ready to fight and are prepared to be subjected to snarky remarks.

As for upsetting comments in otherwise "friendly" forums, try not to take it personally. I know I have written things that came out differently than I meant and when I saw someone had deciphered it differently than I intended, I was quick to apologize. Decent people with no ill intent will apologize (and attempt to clarify) if you let them know that you felt assaulted, put down, or minimized.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:35 AM
 
13,497 posts, read 12,064,908 times
Reputation: 7702
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Can I ask which forum you were on when this happened my friend?

Some of them are so filled with horrible, angry people

I do two things...

first, I avoid the places I know the most angry will be when possible (politics!) so as not to let the negativity in more than necessary and secondly I try to remember that anger and it's ugly off-shoots are really all just a symptom of fear and the powerlessness it causes.

In relationships and in relation to one another as human beings we often experience fear -

Fear of rejection - rejection of who we are.

That fear strikes at the core of our being and can cause us to act out in ways that don't always serve us, or the people around us, well.

I am sorry you were attacked and treated so badly. You didn't deserve it - I know that in the bottom of my heart.

YOU are a kind gentle soul who always works hard to be helpful. I also know due to your own broken heart you are a very compassionate caring person.

Don't let what happened get to you anymore than it already has - don't take it in and let it live in you!

I am wishing you peace, always

Ohhh my, thank you, but, I'm fine....It just hurts to see so many angry people, and I know it scares people away, b/c people have written me and told me that...
You can agree to disagree, but to actually have a concept that everyone must agree with what you think and feel, or else? That is frightening.

Yanno, I don't think it was so bad, years ago, just within the past few years, seems to have gotten hostile....to a degree...I think the mods should ban them from the forum for a while, to kinda send a message thru....but as for me, I could care less, what hurts so, is to see society decline so badly....
thanks so much, and sending lots of hugs....and the same right back at you.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:35 AM
 
6,264 posts, read 3,655,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lol-its-good4U View Post
Still people who post and read are human beings and it would be great if at least most people treat others humanely as like they like to be treated.

The way most of society is going: it's good for some and bad for others imo.
Well, yeah, you should treat people as you want to be treated. That's just common sense - even if a lot of people don't go that route. But it's largely unenforceable through traditional means (public disapproval, peer pressure, eye contact, etc) online. People used to dehumanize others based on differences, but now you just need the internet. Humanity's ugly underbelly is nothing new - it just changes shape.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:37 AM
 
13,497 posts, read 12,064,908 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
No matter how thick skinned people claim they are, the reality is quite opposite.
No, I tend to disagree, there was a time, when things bothered me a great deal, however, believe me, at my age, I don't care, but I do care, b/c people have written me and said they are afraid to write what they believe, b/c of the bullies....that is so wrong, everyone has a right to they're own personal belief...yanno
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:42 AM
 
13,497 posts, read 12,064,908 times
Reputation: 7702
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Well, you don't have to filter yourself online when you're faceless with no identifiers. You're not exactly going to see people at their best when they don't have to make eye contact or humanize their "opponents."

The way people talk on the Internet is not really indicative of anything but the fact that some people have a little suppressed rage, which is nothing new.

As for this all being some indicator of declining morals and courtesy, personally, while I've found that people are less traditionally courteous face-to-face, they're actually in general a lot NICER than people who lived before. My father grew up in a time where things descended into fistfights at the drop of a hat and EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL; slurs, poor treatment and open disdain for people of different nationalities, races, religions, genders and sexual orientations were all STANDARD BEHAVIOR; sexual assault and molestation were blamed on the victim and swept under the rug as shameful things; domestic violence was perfectly acceptable as long as you kept it private; and you could beat and torture your livestock and everyone was ok with it, if they didn't find it downright entertaining. There are still problems in society - they're just different problems than came before. And personally, I prefer today's problems and dealing with today's society.

My father is OLD, much older than any of my friends' fathers. I grew up hanging out with him and men who were even older than him. Many of those men were very good people whom I viewed as mentors, but many of them had attitudes that were acceptable 50 years ago, but which I just found utterly depraved. People need to stop clutching their pearls over this idea that we're in some sort of social decline. We're not - we just have different problems than they did 50 years ago.

Thanks so much for offereing your perspectives....however, I grew up in a very small town, everyone knew everyone, and yes, there is a decline in my way of thinking, b/c we just were not mean like that. No one was, and even in school, you didn't get away with it....and what is really degrading to our society is that so so so many people resort to either the race card, or, political party refrences...
and I do respectfully believe we are in a social decline....I really do....

But that's just me and I don't think any less of you for your beliefs....
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:50 AM
 
1,700 posts, read 905,793 times
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It is shocking. But I think it's because they feel it's the only way they can be heard. ESPECIALLY in the religious forums at times. People come in with strong opinions that they carried from their offline life and push it all out here onto the forums with people they don't really know.

I think many of them are so mean because they really feel this is the only way to get ahead in life. And because of that thought process, they're shaping our reality.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:57 AM
 
13,497 posts, read 12,064,908 times
Reputation: 7702
Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite View Post
It is shocking. But I think it's because they feel it's the only way they can be heard. ESPECIALLY in the religious forums at times. People come in with strong opinions that they carried from their offline life and push it all out here onto the forums with people they don't really know.

I think many of them are so mean because they really feel this is the only way to get ahead in life. And because of that thought process, they're shaping our reality.
well, I will stand my ground and defend my territory, thats not a problem, but when I see them pull the mean card on others, then others disappear, that is what hurts....
but I'm an old fuddy, and don't care any longer....I do remember when I first started writing on the internet...how offended and hurt I became if someone picked on me....wow...LOL
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