Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Incident 1: At around 10pm Sat night, I received a text from my neighbor inviting my daughter (O) to her daughter’s (E) communion party on Sun at 1pm. My daughter (O) plays with her daughter (E) all the time and I was glad she extended the invitation to O. In her text, she said “You guys are welcome to come over. Initially I was going to do it at a restaurant but had to cancel due to some street fair. Feel free to send O over or all three of you could come too.”
My husband thought about it and felt that we were an afterthought. Perhaps he’s right because if the party was at the restaurant, we wouldn’t have been invited. She invited us because we were just across the street and would see she’s having a party. Now, I’m perfectly OK if she hadn’t invited us even though it’s just across the street. DH said you have been friends with her for a while. We are fairly new in town (2 years) and while I would have liked to be friends with this neighbor, I don’t think she treats me as a friend. That’s what I told my husband.
Incident 2: I’m from another country. Since moving to this state (NJ), I have met some people from my country and I was glad to find them. These families have been friends for a while since they have been in NJ for much much longer than I have. There is one couple with 3 kids who lives in the next town that we are friendly with. We have socialized a few times and our kids go to the same weekend school.
On Sat around 4.30pm, I received a call from this family inviting us to their around in about 2 hrs for dinner. I was glad to get the invitation and was inform that there is another family going. I scramble to go get something to bring to their house. I know that we were their last minute addition, why, I don’t know….I felt that it’s so hard to break into a group who have been friends for a while even though we are from the same culture and are at the same point in our lives (married with elementary school kids).
It got me thinking – 2 afterthoughts in a day, I must be failing as a human being.
Incident 1: I think they probably added some extra people because they probably limited the list because of the cost of taking so many to a restaurant. Many people have a tighter budget these days despite how much money they may be making or how it may appear to the neighbors.
Incident 2: Maybe it was just a last minute thing and they decided to invite a few friends over or add to a list to make it a bigger event.
People can just be spontaneous and that doesn't make you or your family an afterthought.
Maybe your thinking is not right?..how do you know? you might not have been an "after thought"...I don't see any "incidents" in what you wrote, except that you have neighbors that enjoy your company....maybe you are being more analytical than you need to.
Did you feel like an afterthought after you went? Or did everyone have a good time? If you truly enjoy their company, then forgive them for being disorganized and don't take it personal. If you feel that things are not reciprocal, then by all means - don't accept future invites.
You might be more formal than either of these two sets of people. A lot of people aren't really much into careful planning, and they do things more on the spur of the moment. It may have nothing to do with you in any way, it might just be how these people plan or don't plan things out much in advance.
Some people prefer to very carefully plan any social event months in advance, others don't like to plan much and will go with whatever hits them at the time. With the first example, going to a restaurant was probably a vague plan the neighbor had earlier, but it didn't work out, most likely because it wasn't plan set in stone, so the party at home was an afterthought.
I have a neighbor that I have reached out to time and time again. The only time I hear from her is when she needs something. She's in an abusive situation and has kids so I am never going to turn them away, but I am no longer going out of my way to invite them to our backyard shin-digs. If the kids wander over, I love having them, but I do NOT want the drama. Sober, he is a really nice man and interesting but he is in complete denial about his alcoholism and when he drinks....
Anyway, I find that when you are the new kid on the block, you have to try twice as hard to be accepted half as much. Sometimes it's because people are caught up in their own lives and don't realize how their invites come off and some are more casual than others. Go, if you feel weird, leave. If you have a good time, make plans to get together again.
I think you are waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy overthinking matters.
Incident 1: They changed their plans from celebrating at a restaurant. So now, with budget being less of an issue, they invited you.
Incident 2: Okay, they decided to have an impromptu dinner party. What's the big deal?
Look, you've had two invitations to two social occasions that were kind of last-minute in nature. You might be used to a more formal kind of invitation, which is understandable. But some people are just a little more casual.
The best course of action is to accept gracefully without worrying about their motivations.
Incident 1: Accept the invitation. Arrive fashionably late; leave fashionably early. Use the opportunity to see if you are feeling this right. However, when you are over there, forget your feeling the invitation was an afterthought, because if you don't, you are likely to give out the wrong vibes and you might hurt any good relationship that might be latent.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
