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Completely out of the blue on Mother's day, and I don't know what to do.
I knew her since we were 5 years old, extremely close, knew each other families, the friend who would give me b-day cards saying we will be friends when we are old. She was always sort of a loner, comes from a tough background and I was the only long time close friend she ever had. She was my maid of honor, I was there for the birth of her child, then right after my wedding, and to this day I don't know the reason, she cut off contact. Not completely, but she refused to talk on the phone, return any of my phone calls and would only text. Very strange to say the least. She never so much as mentioned my wedding night, asked how my honeymoon was, it was like it never happened. We have not seen each other face to face in 3 years, since my wedding. I let her know about my pregnancy, I had a baby the following year, and she would occasionally text asking how things were going. She then got pregnant and soon after I got was a mass text that she had a miscarriage, and again, I called her, reached out, and no return call. When my child was born, my husband texted to let her know. We got a response back "Who is this I have a new phone?" Really. He blew it off and let her know anyway I had my daughter. She never called to congratulate me when she was born, visit, send even a card (I bought her mountains of gifts as soon as she told me she was pregnant, came to visit her when her own family wasn't even there and brought her to dr. appts since she had no car and no-one else). She also pretended she never got my shower invite, so didn't attend. She still continued to text me after the birth of my daughter asking for pictures, how she was doing, how I was doing, etc. A few months later, she, I guess, either my accident or on purpose sent me a text saying "Oh, is so-so coming to her 1st bday party?", so I guess I was not worthy of being invited to her child's b-day party, but I was going to be asked to be the godmother months before? I then got a mass text a few months later, that she was "Shopping for her baby boys clothes", I was hurt once again since the girl couldn't even be bothered to tell me she was pregnant. I think it may have been sent from her baby daddy though bc she would let him use her phone. A short time after the baby boys clothes text, she stopped texting and I never tried contacting her again. It became clear to me she did not see me as a friend.
During this year span, I never asked what had changed, why she refused to call me or talk on the phone for that matter. Maybe bc there was nothing wrong that I could think of that I did to her. Her behavior was just so strange, and the timing of it too, literally right after I got back from my honeymoon. I even started going through in my head if something happened at my wedding to offend her. She asked me the day before my wedding to be the godmother of her daughter, then a complete 360 in the matter of 2 weeks I had been gone? Throughout our friendship in our 20s, we would have brief periods, longest was maybe 7-8 months or so, without talking and then pick up the phone, meet up and pick up right where we left off. I never considered her less then a close, even one of my best, life long friends.
Right after she got with this guy, I noticed she texted more when he was around, and it was non-stop drama with him, suspected cheating, crying on the phone to me while pregnant bc he left her to go clubbing with his friends, etc. The one time I went over their house, he followed us literally room to room and had to be involved in all of our conversations. I know it must have been hard to be a single mom, with a baby daddy like that, but, she didn't have the time to pick up the phone, even for 3 minutes? She found someone she knew for 25 years to just be well, disposable? After the biggest event of my life, the birth of my child not to mention my wedding? Maybe she was going through something in her life she couldn't talk about or maybe her husband/baby daddy whatever, didn't like me, but still? She was also in a verbally and physically abusive relationship before. When I got my new phone, I never even put her number in, nor did I include pictures of just her and I in my wedding album.
So, back to my first sentence, on Mother's Day, I get a text from a strange number, but that looked familiar "Happy Mother's day." I replied back thanks, even though I was not sure who it was. Dh suspected it might be her, so I looked at my old phone and it was. She then texted me hours later asking "How is your daughter?" Like nothing had happened? After all these years? I still haven't replied back and am conflicted about what to do. When I told Dh it was her, he said right away, I bet you she is no longer with that guy. She "supposedly" even married him at city hall. I don't have any other close friends really at this point, this from someone who had a ton of girlfriends growing up. I do try to put myself out there and hopefully one day will meet people who will be good friends. I am also pregnant again, and I want people who TRULY care about me and MY CHILD in my life, since we are a package deal. Her actions during my last pregnancy proved that me, nor my child, meant much to her at that time. I also don't know what her motives are for contacting me. Why now? To see if I will still talk to her? Maybe try to explain what had happened? I found her actions to be very hurtful.
So, after the background I have shared, what would you do?
Are you in the same town? If so, call her and see if you can get together and ask her what's been going on. My guess is abusive relationship, excessive drinking, drugs, mental illness, jealousy of your good situation when hers was going to crap, or all of the above. If you're not in the same town, you could still talk about it on the phone.
You're curious and she's the only one who can answer your questions. You don't have to continue the friendship, but if you want to know what happened, you'll have to ask her.
My best guess would be that she suffers from depression. I know that depression can alter who you are. Make people do things they would normally never do. My friend in California is the same way. Sometimes its best to cut ties with some people to keep the cycle of ins and outs from re occuring. My friend from California will soon be finding herself with one less friend. Its tough dealing with one way friendships.
I'm going to take a wild guess and say she's envious of your life. You're married she's not. Her man can't be trusted blah blah, on and on it goes. Sometimes! you just have to let people go. It's probably too late now, but I would have asked her straight up when all of this started what the problem was. Not everyone is meant to travel with us the whole way. I'm sure it hurts, but try to move on.
Maybe I'm cold hearted, but I don't know why people get so worked up over friendships. I value my friendships and I would do anything I could to help out a friend, but when friendships become a source of drama and anxiety, then they are not worth holding on to (in my opinion). I know it's difficult to lose a life long friend, but you can't force someone to be a good friend. Sometimes you just have to let go. A text message here and there does not make a good friendship. If I were you, I would not reply. It's not worth the anxiety it's causing you. Focus on making new friends that will make an effort. Maybe you could join a mom's group?
If you really miss her friendship and you really want to rekindle it, and you think she may have some good explanation for her behavior, you need to ask her to explain herself. To me, it sounds like you're only worthy of a text if she has something going on in her life. That's not much of a friend.
I had a bridesmaid who completely dropped me within months of my wedding. She was in my wedding and when she got engaged a few months later, she didn't even call to tell me, and she didn't invite me to her wedding. I didn't hear a word for a couple years. Out of the blue she called me one day. When I asked, she gave me some excuse about something I said to a mutual friend of ours about her, and acted all offended and dramatic. I think her reasons were really lame to end a friendship over. We're FB friends now, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see her or anything.
Right after she got with this guy, I noticed she texted more when he was around, and it was non-stop drama with him, suspected cheating, crying on the phone to me while pregnant bc he left her to go clubbing with his friends, etc. The one time I went over their house, he followed us literally room to room and had to be involved in all of our conversations. I know it must have been hard to be a single mom, with a baby daddy like that, but, she didn't have the time to pick up the phone, even for 3 minutes? She found someone she knew for 25 years to just be well, disposable? After the biggest event of my life, the birth of my child not to mention my wedding? Maybe she was going through something in her life she couldn't talk about or maybe her husband/baby daddy whatever, didn't like me, but still? She was also in a verbally and physically abusive relationship before.
Her relationship with baby-daddy may also have been abusive. One tell-tale is that the abusers isolate their victims from friends and family so as to remove the support system.
If she is reaching out to you now, baby-daddy may be out of the picture. It also costs you nothing to keep contact with her as an acquaintance until you find out more about what's been going on with her.
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