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Old 05-21-2013, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Up North
3,406 posts, read 7,560,362 times
Reputation: 3053

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I am so fed up with the depressed people in my life. I have been around depressed people all my life.
Growing up, my mother was depressed. Now my best friend from high school, who I am still best friends with is depressed. My other good friend behaves like she is depressed.

I am sick of playing counselor. I am sick of going out of my way to get lunch with one of these depressed people only to deal with their constant bad mood, sad mood, bitching, possible tears, or weirdness from meds.

I thought it was general DECENCY to arrive at most social engagements in a positive mood.

I can't even introduce these people to normal folks who either hide their depression when in social settings or cope with their issues like most people do. These depressed people are horrible company.

ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE THIS! We live up North so everyone here gets prone to depression in the winter but this is all of my girl friends. My only non depressed people in my life are select family members and my boyfriend.


My boyfriend was depressed for a few months two years ago. He is the only one I am close to who can control himself.


These depressed victim-types have no respect for themselves or others. They are the most selfish people in the world. They usually have food, shelter, and clothing provided to them and barely have to work to get by but they are still depressed.

They are horrible company. There is always one crisis, drama, or something else. I have to play social worker and counselor every time I want to have a fun girls day.

Actually, fun laid back girl time doesn't exist. Its more like there will be tears at some point, a major "boyfriend" problem, complaining about her mother who helps her more than most would with her "disabilities" (A 23 year old needs to take accountability for herself and stop blaming mommy), her weird affect which I assume is from the 3 or 4 meds she is on, and when I try to correct her behavior (her boyfriend is a dope dealer who lives over 2,000 miles away and I disapprove or her open disrespect to her mother where I also disapprove) she gets mean and bitchy to me.

They talk about the heavy meds they are on almost everytime we hang out, which brings down the mood.

They act weird and out of it BECAUSE of their meds.

They act like victims constantly and no one can be really honest with them because EVERYONE knows they're on the edge of acting out of drama for attention like the adult children they are.

They bring low life men into their lives because the have low self confidence, leaving me to pick up the mess.

They don't take care of their looks, rarely washing hair and never wearing make up. Then they get jealous when I get all the attention and just want to "go home because I wasn't ready to get pretty". YOU ARE NEVER PRETTY! YOU HAVE POOR HYGENE & PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE AFRAID IF THEY TELL YOU IT WILL SEND YOU OVER THE EDGE!!!

They arrive to social engagements in a bad or sad mood and whoever is there has to take care of them (I have to take care of them).

They are constantly blaming their generous & families for every little mental and real problem they have in life even when approaching 30.

My boyfriend's childhood friends up here are like this. These grown baby men who are in their late 20s are even worse. They either drink too much or pick fights when they go out.

Depressed people in their 20s are basically walking liabilities who blame their depression, ADD, and lack of "time management skills" on everyone but themselves. They probably have never held down any job for more than 3 months.

You won't see middle class and lower middle class people at the community college I went to in Florida acting this way. My friends from their were happy and well adjusted even if they worked full-time and went to school.

To show my bias: I actually grew up UPPER MIDDLE CLASS and I notice this about my childhood friends. But when I go into a lower income/class area I notice everyone is happier. I am not talking ghetto, I'm talking about South Florida regular suburbs.

But its they spoiled upper middle class whiners that have no idea how good they have it and how pathetic they look to the rest of the world!!!


I am so fed up! I'm a 24 year old commuter student so my classes aren't really conducive to making new friends. But I need new friends. It is so hard for me to have to rely on mostly depressed emotionally weak, spoiled, invalid personalities for my socializing.

Last edited by Pear Martini; 05-21-2013 at 07:37 AM..
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Old 05-21-2013, 08:24 AM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,444,963 times
Reputation: 1536
Then the problem's you because you keep associating with depressed people. If you start noticing patterns in new people you're interacting with, then set up healthy distance and do something different. Stop welcoming them in. You're not responsible for their depression, but you are responsible for how you interact with these people and you need to change the way you do so.

Healthy detachment.
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Old 05-21-2013, 08:49 AM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,629 posts, read 2,367,667 times
Reputation: 2411
Just walk away and make new friends....if you can.
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Old 05-21-2013, 08:58 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,071 posts, read 8,369,546 times
Reputation: 11558
There is a difference between a truly depressed person and someone who just likes to complain all the time. The first type of person cannot help how they feel. They aren't selfish, weak, or a loser. They have a mental illness. Regardless, you have control over who you spend your time with, so if you choose to continue hanging out with people whose company you don't enjoy, then that's on you. What does it say about you that these are the only kind of friends you have?
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Old 05-21-2013, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Colorado
4,308 posts, read 11,805,662 times
Reputation: 4425
If you hate them so much why are you still hanging around with these people? Maybe it's time you found some new friends?
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Old 05-21-2013, 11:03 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,384,878 times
Reputation: 11862
Why do you attract all these sad sacks? Sounds like they are using you to dump all their problems on. Get away from that pity party, honey.
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Old 05-21-2013, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Up North
3,406 posts, read 7,560,362 times
Reputation: 3053
I only have two close friends.

My best friend has been my friend for 10 years. The first 5 years she wasn't depressed and was pretty functional, outgoing, and happy.

The other one I have been friends with for 2 or 3 years but we were friends from childhood.


I guess I care about them. My best friend is like a sister to me so I could never just cut her off.

The friends I had before I moved back to my home town were not depressed at all so I don't really think I attract these types.
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Old 05-21-2013, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Up North
3,406 posts, read 7,560,362 times
Reputation: 3053
I would also like to thank everyone in this thread for not bashing me for the title of the thread. I was pretty angry when I started it and need to rant.


I don't judge depressed people as losers, I just know there have been several times in my life where I could have sunk into a deep depression if I didn't take active steps to combat it & CHOOSE to be happy.


I really feel like happiness is a choice for most people and an illness for a minority.
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Old 05-21-2013, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Up North
3,406 posts, read 7,560,362 times
Reputation: 3053
Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite View Post
Then the problem's you because you keep associating with depressed people. If you start noticing patterns in new people you're interacting with, then set up healthy distance and do something different. Stop welcoming them in. You're not responsible for their depression, but you are responsible for how you interact with these people and you need to change the way you do so.

Healthy detachment.

But what if I care about these people because we grew up together?

The most depressed one is almost a surrogate sister to me (we are both only childs).
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Old 05-21-2013, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Up North
3,406 posts, read 7,560,362 times
Reputation: 3053
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
There is a difference between a truly depressed person and someone who just likes to complain all the time. The first type of person cannot help how they feel. They aren't selfish, weak, or a loser. They have a mental illness. Regardless, you have control over who you spend your time with, so if you choose to continue hanging out with people whose company you don't enjoy, then that's on you. What does it say about you that these are the only kind of friends you have?

I strongly believe that most people can CHOOSE to be happy. Sure, maybe 15% of depressed people have a chemical imbalance but I think most depressed people are just comfortable playing the role of victim vs. being a survivor.
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