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One of the downsides of the Internet is that if you search for certain personality traits, you'll come up with a dozen labels to describe a person who has these traits. It's sort of like looking up your symptoms when you're sick. You conclude you have a serious disease when it's really something minor. So I need help trying to recognize what this person is, how to deal with them, and whether the relationship can be salvaged.
1. Frequently complains about what she doesn't like about her life (her job, her lack of a dating life, her weight, etc.), but makes little effort to change any of it. In other words, she doesn't look for another job, doesn't try to meet single men, doesn't exercise regularly, etc.
2. When confronted about her behavior, will walk away and close the door rather than stay and listen.
3. Frequently depicts herself as a victim of bad luck. Rarely accepts responsibility for her own problems.
4. Is quick to jump to conclusions about the meaning of what someone else said, did, or didn't do. For example, if you go on a trip and don't call or send a text, she'll think you're purposely ignoring her.
5. Often frames thing in terms of herself.
6. Expects others to show interest in what she has to say and will complain when they don't.
7. Is quick to ask others for help rather than take the time to figure things out on her own. In other words, she gives up easily and doesn't push through when the going gets tough.
There's more, but this should give you a start.
Last edited by DennyCrane; 05-26-2013 at 07:10 PM..
One of the downsides of the Internet is that if you search for certain personality traits, you'll come up with a dozen labels to describe a person who has these traits. It's sort of like looking up your symptoms when you're sick. You conclude you have a serious disease when it's really something minor. So I need help trying to recognize what this person is, how to deal with them, and whether the relationship can be salvaged.
1. Frequently complains about what she doesn't like about her life (her job, her lack of a dating life, her weight, etc.), but makes little effort to change any of it. In other words, she doesn't look for another job, doesn't try to meet single men, doesn't exercise regularly, etc.
2. When confronted about her behavior, will walk away and close the door rather than stay and listen.
3. Frequently depicts herself as a victim of bad luck. Rarely accepts responsibility for her own problems.
4. Is quick to jump to conclusions about the meaning of what someone else said, did, or didn't do. For example, if you go on a trip and call or send a text, she'll think you're purposely ignoring her.
5. Often frames thing in terms of herself.
6. Expects others to show interest in what she has to say and will complain when they don't.
7. Is quick to ask others for help rather than take the time to figure things out on her own. In other words, she gives up easily and doesn't push through when the going gets tough.
There's more, but this should give you a start.
You seriously need help "recognizing" that this is someone you should avoid like the plague?
I would describe this person has a friend. Admittedly, not all of her problems were entirely her own doing. For example, not being able to sell her house in a bad market. Or not being able to find a job in the middle of the recession. But even after she weathered these storms, she still finds thing to complain about. It seems like she can never be truly happy with her life. Frankly, it's exhausting to listen to. I used to feel bad for her. But the more I listen to her complain, the less sympathetic I become, which is one of her complaints, that I'm not sympathetic to her plight. At the risk of sounding like a bad friend, it's hard to sympathize with someone who makes little effort to change her life. I can sympathize with someone who was diagnosed with cancer or just got laid off. But someone who has a good paying job, a nice place to live, and a circle of friends? Sorry, but it's hard to feel for such a person when they complain about not having a life outside work or not having anyone to spend the holidays with.
The terms I keep coming across on the Internet are emotional manipulator, toxic individual, and narcissist. I ind myself at a crossroads. Do I walk away from a friendship that has lasted nearly a decade or do I try to salvage it.
I would describe this person has a friend. Admittedly, not all of her problems were entirely her own doing. For example, not being able to sell her house in a bad market. Or not being able to find a job in the middle of the recession. But even after she weathered these storms, she still finds thing to complain about. It seems like she can never be truly happy with her life. Frankly, it's exhausting to listen to. I used to feel bad for her. But the more I listen to her complain, the less sympathetic I become, which is one of her complaints, that I'm not sympathetic to her plight. At the risk of sounding like a bad friend, it's hard to sympathize with someone who makes little effort to change her life. I can sympathize with someone who was diagnosed with cancer or just got laid off. But someone who has a good paying job, a nice place to live, and a circle of friends? Sorry, but it's hard to feel for such a person when they complain about not having a life outside work or not having anyone to spend the holidays with.
The terms I keep coming across on the Internet are emotional manipulator, toxic individual, and narcissist. I ind myself at a crossroads. Do I walk away from a friendship that has lasted nearly a decade or do I try to salvage it.
Nothign wrong with ending a friendship if it has become a chore and the other person is obviously not working at it from their end. What are you getting out of it anymore? Anything?
Also, isn't it ironic that in her demands for sympathy she fails to manage to sympathize with the fact that she has obviously overloaded you?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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On the P&OC forum, they would describe this as a typical millennial's behavior.
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