Is it wrong to isolate your children from welfare mentality family members? (husband, female)
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Long story short my sister and a female cousin her age (both 34) grew up together and have kids around the same age. My sister and Quan do keep in touch but they rarely ever hang out due to their lifestyles and having nothing in common. The cousin Quan's kids are always asking if their cousins (my sister's kids) can come over for a weekend and hang out and my sister and brother in law will not allow that to happen. Quan and my sister Turquoise are night and day. Quan is low class (not gonna lie) and has 4 kids out of wedlock. She has never held one job for more than a year and she lives off of the system (section 8, food stamps, etc). My sister Turq went to college and has her masters and works in education. She is married and her children are by her husband and they work hard and do not live off of the government. Turq's kids have also been bugging to see their cousins and my sister does not like her children hanging out at Quan's house because she doesn't want them to adopt that low class mentality. Don't get me wrong I completely understand my sister's stance but come on they're just kids who want to play with other kids. I think my sister is being snobby I mean what harm can really be done? If you teach your kids and raise them properly then that shouldn't even be a concern right?
Long story short my sister and a female cousin her age (both 34) grew up together and have kids around the same age. My sister and Quan do keep in touch but they rarely ever hang out due to their lifestyles and having nothing in common. The cousin Quan's kids are always asking if their cousins (my sister's kids) can come over for a weekend and hang out and my sister and brother in law will not allow that to happen. Quan and my sister Turquoise are night and day. Quan is low class (not gonna lie) and has 4 kids out of wedlock. She has never held one job for more than a year and she lives off of the system (section 8, food stamps, etc). My sister Turq went to college and has her masters and works in education. She is married and her children are by her husband and they work hard and do not live off of the government. Turq's kids have also been bugging to see their cousins and my sister does not like her children hanging out at Quan's house because she doesn't want them to adopt that low class mentality. Don't get me wrong I completely understand my sister's stance but come on they're just kids who want to play with other kids. I think my sister is being snobby I mean what harm can really be done? If you teach your kids and raise them properly then that shouldn't even be a concern right?
why don't you have them all over to your place for a potluck or BBQ and they can come and go
when they feel like it. The kids can play and the 'adults' can act like children. You will have made
peace with yourself and everyone else will have something to talk about for the next five years.
Koale
I agree with you mostly. I don't really think your sister is being a total snob but maybe she is a little too concerned with Quan's lifestyle rubbing off on her kids. I'm sure as an educator she knows that children's biggest influences will be their own parents. If her kids have questions about why their cousins live and act so differently, or if their cousins' behavior flares up in her kids she could use it as a teaching moment. She could explain that we don't have to do everything your cousins do, or just because something is good enough for someone else, doesn't make it good enough for us. Yeah, it is hard to say certain family members are "wrong" because decent people are raised to respect their family more than just anybody; they easy way to avoid the awkwardness is for your sister to continue keeping them away, but sooner or later the kids are going to get to know their cousins or people like them.
Parents are the ones with the most influence. It may actually do the kids some good to see a lifestyle that they will quickly figure out they don't want to emulate. And who knows? Some contact w/ the hard working side of the family may influence the other cousins to aspire to better themselves and not live like their mother does now.
There are ways to show you don't approve - not out and out bad mouthing but just the way you live your life - praising hard work and showing that having goals and working towards them is satisfying . . . you can't protect your kids from everything in society but you can expose them to a limited amount and use it as a way to contrast (over time) how much better it is to live life with some goals and a moral compass of right and wrong -- and self-reliance.
So I can't see how some limited time with cousins is going to ruin the other kids -- it may make them see very clearly how they do not want to live that way.
Besides the family living on welfare do they have any negative behaviors such as drug or alcohol abuse? Are the children well cared for and behaved?
I'm assuming there is more to the story since you used the term "low class" to describe the parents. I wouldn't let my kids anywhere near a family that is severely dysfunctional welfare or not. Kids tend to view being disrespectful, uneducated and rude as "cool" sometimes and you definitely don't want that.
However, if the family is relatively friendly and respectful then the welfare issue alone wouldn't be a problem for me.
I think your sister has a valid reason to keep the kids apart. Many kids that grow up in a welfare household don't have the same restrictions that someone that is works hard to instill morals and a proper sense of right and wrong. I saw things at my god mothers house( she lived off the system her entire life and now her children live off the system)that I would never have seen at home.We lived in the suburbs which was very different then where my god mother lived on section 8. People selling drugs on the corner and people arguing and fighting. I saw drunk people fighting all kinds of stuff Kids are impressionable
Parents are the ones with the most influence. It may actually do the kids some good to see a lifestyle that they will quickly figure out they don't want to emulate. And who knows? Some contact w/ the hard working side of the family may influence the other cousins to aspire to better themselves and not live like their mother does now.
I tend to agree with this. Maybe your sister shoudl invite the other kids to her home toplay with her kids so they could experience something different and perhaps a little nicer.
As a child, I did have poorer friends and some on social services that I knew were worse off than me, but my parents instilled in me that I was different and I was not to speak or act like them at all! I went to their houses and had a nice time but did not forget where I came from and where my real influence came from.
At the same token, I had cousins in Connecticut that were much more well off than me and I spent summers there and I think it did me some good to experience an even better situation.
Unless the other kids are hoodlums, I wouldn't keep them apart. They could learn from each other and each other's experiences.
Long story short my sister and a female cousin her age (both 34) grew up together and have kids around the same age. My sister and Quan do keep in touch but they rarely ever hang out due to their lifestyles and having nothing in common. The cousin Quan's kids are always asking if their cousins (my sister's kids) can come over for a weekend and hang out and my sister and brother in law will not allow that to happen. Quan and my sister Turquoise are night and day. Quan is low class (not gonna lie) and has 4 kids out of wedlock. She has never held one job for more than a year and she lives off of the system (section 8, food stamps, etc). My sister Turq went to college and has her masters and works in education. She is married and her children are by her husband and they work hard and do not live off of the government. Turq's kids have also been bugging to see their cousins and my sister does not like her children hanging out at Quan's house because she doesn't want them to adopt that low class mentality. Don't get me wrong I completely understand my sister's stance but come on they're just kids who want to play with other kids. I think my sister is being snobby I mean what harm can really be done? If you teach your kids and raise them properly then that shouldn't even be a concern right?
It depends on what you mean by low class. There's nothing wrong with being poor and there's nothing particularly wrong with having kids out of wedlock. But I can think of lots of other "low class" things your sister might be worried about. Are there lots of strangers in and out? Drugs? Alcohol abuse? Unsecured guns? Ex-cons? Potentially dangerous pets? Language she doesn't want her kids hearing?
No matter what it is, your sister and her husband have a right to supervise their kids they way they see fit. It's not really any of your business.
Long story short my sister and a female cousin her age (both 34) grew up together and have kids around the same age. My sister and Quan do keep in touch but they rarely ever hang out due to their lifestyles and having nothing in common. The cousin Quan's kids are always asking if their cousins (my sister's kids) can come over for a weekend and hang out and my sister and brother in law will not allow that to happen. Quan and my sister Turquoise are night and day. Quan is low class (not gonna lie) and has 4 kids out of wedlock. She has never held one job for more than a year and she lives off of the system (section 8, food stamps, etc). My sister Turq went to college and has her masters and works in education. She is married and her children are by her husband and they work hard and do not live off of the government. Turq's kids have also been bugging to see their cousins and my sister does not like her children hanging out at Quan's house because she doesn't want them to adopt that low class mentality. Don't get me wrong I completely understand my sister's stance but come on they're just kids who want to play with other kids. I think my sister is being snobby I mean what harm can really be done? If you teach your kids and raise them properly then that shouldn't even be a concern right?
It's her choice and she obviously is willing to take what comes with that choice. Actually I would have told you to mind your own business, but obviously she has more class.
It really isn't a concern for you. Daddy told me long ago not to meddle into others affairs.
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lol...
but obviously she has more class. 
