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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Of course it's hard to really compare, but it seems to me that that many people are like this. They seem to love their children more than anyone in the world, usually more than their spouse, and sometimes more than their parents, especially if they're not close to them. Of course most parents would sacrifice themselves for their children because it's the next generation, but I wonder how many would sacrifice themselves for a sibling or parent?
Also, it sometimes seems that the love of a parent grows colder as the child ages, or is this my impression?
Personally I'd like to think my sister loves me as much as her daughters, but I'd totally understand if deep down she loved them more. Maybe she's never really thought of who she loved more. I'm just saying, if I had children I wouldn't consider them more valuable than the rest of my family, I would hope I would love them all equally, because they're all family. It seems love for siblings is undervalued these days in particular which I think is rather sad if you ask me.
Maybe they aren't, but this is just how it often seems to me.
The one thing in common is we share 50% of DNA with our parents, siblings and children.
I think the correct word isn't necessarily "more", but differently.
Our children are dependent on us, and we are fully responsible for their care when they are young. It doesn't mean we don't love our spouses and siblings, we can want the best for them, but not at the expense of our children.
I really cannot quantify at all...or make that distinction.
I have known my parents for all my life, we are still close, and we see each other at least once a week (often more)...so of course there is HUGE attachment there.
They don't seem less attached or responsive or concerned now that we are in our 30s than when we were little.
It's not just about blood.
I don't share a drop of blood with my son, but he is indescribably important to me.
My brother has been my partner in crime for so long...he was my childhood best friend.
I don't see how you rank these things.
Mattie is also right.
Honestly, for the people I am attached to, I get EXTREMELY attached...family is family.
These people (parents, bro, wife, kid) are so beyond what I feel for anyone else.
Hell, I was destroyed when my dog died last year. Had her for 11 years (since she was 5 weeks old), and it near about put me out when that family member left us.
Of course it's hard to really compare, but it seems to me that that many people are like this. They seem to love their children more than anyone in the world, usually more than their spouse, and sometimes more than their parents, especially if they're not close to them. Of course most parents would sacrifice themselves for their children because it's the next generation, but I wonder how many would sacrifice themselves for a sibling or parent?
Also, it sometimes seems that the love of a parent grows colder as the child ages, or is this my impression?
Personally I'd like to think my sister loves me as much as her daughters, but I'd totally understand if deep down she loved them more. Maybe she's never really thought of who she loved more. I'm just saying, if I had children I wouldn't consider them more valuable than the rest of my family, I would hope I would love them all equally, because they're all family. It seems love for siblings is undervalued these days in particular which I think is rather sad if you ask me.
The one thing in common is we share 50% of DNA with our parents, siblings and children.
My personal order is:
God
Family
Money
The list is not the quantity it is the which is hard to gauge anyway simply because "feelings and emotions" are in my opinion impossible to measure from one individual to the other. I think I love everyone equally however, I may not like some of the things one does that the other does not do. (hopefully that makes sense).
Love may not feel the same for everyone. I used to think it was this universal feeling and that everyone experienced it the same way. But as I have gotten older, I no longer think that we all experience love the same way.
Plus there are different types of love - erotic love and friendship love, for example. At least that is what I have been told. I experience very expansive love and love my dog like a child and my friends like family. But I also have found that just b/c I am related to someone, it doesn't mean I am going to like or love them. When I say that to most folks, they are aghast b/c we have been taught we are to love relatives that we don't even like, lol.
That is why I think we don't all experience love on the same level or intensity or even the same way. To me, if I don't like someone, I can have compassion for them but I sure as hell am not going to love them. Love means cherishing and some folks I don't cherish at all . . . would just as soon never see them or be around them again, b/c they are not nice people. I have compassion for them. But I would be lying if I said I love them!!! :-)
So the whole thing about "what order" we love people in . . . it is kind of nonsensical, really. You can't put life in boxes. You can't quantify every experience in life, and certainly not your emotions.
Some of your siblings may be disordered people. Your parents may be toxic. Your kids may be mentally ill. You may love them all or you may feel compassion for some of them . . . or you may be very compatible and enjoy being around everyone you are related to.
If the OP is really wanting to know how we INVEST OUR EMOTIONAL ENERGY between relatives, then that is nothing to do with love. That has to do with responsibility. As parents, our first concern is our children. We owe nothing to our siblings . . . unless we want to interact with them on that level. I don't see that many people who even enjoy being around their siblings after age 40 or so -- it is often an endurance test, especially when folks get married and start having children. With parents, as they age, we may find it necessary to spend more time caretaking . . . or not! - depends on how the relationship dynamics have grown over the years.
It's not really about an "order." It is just different.
The kind of love and bond you have with your parents is different than the one with your siblings, your spouse, or your own kids. I could not really rank them first or last.
Now, that doesn't mean relationships don't change. As an adult, your adult siblings will generally treat and interact differently than as kids. That is because as adults, typically the adult siblings are all living on their own, building their own lives, careers, families, etc. That doesn't negate the existence of a special bond, but life is different than when everyone was a child, living under the same roof, and being each other's "friends" and "enemies" at the same time.
A parent loves their child always. However, loving your toddler or school age child, who idolizes you and needs you for everything is very different than loving an adult child who is the culmination of your labor as a parent and now is free to make their own life decisions (and as with siblings, is leading their own life, under their own roof, making their own decisions).
IMO, the love for a spouse or significant other is something all it's own in this group because it is the one person you are free to choose (you don't typically choose your parents or siblings... or even your own kids as their personality is not known until after they arrive). Often your spouse is your spouse because they are a very good match to your personality, traits, needs, wants, goals, desires, etc, and through shared experience become more than just the object of affection but a close and personal best friend. This still does not put them higher in ranking necessarily. Just different.
For me, sibling is a pretty high rank. Sibling is the only person who has known me most of my life, we relate to each other than no one else ever could. Anyone else I meet and become close to, will never know my history or know me in that way. Now, my parents have known me that long, but I have 2 parents. I lose one; I have another. I can't get another sibling. If it were biologically possible to have another sibling, that sibling would not know me as a child, a teen, etc like my current sibling. I can get another spouse, I can get other friends, I can have multiple children, I have multiple in-laws, cousins, etc. The relationship with my sibling cannot be matched or duplicated like my relationships with others. Not saying my mother, spouse, etc is replaceable - they aren't - but I technically can get another spouse, do have another parent... the bond with my sibling started when I was 1 and the things we shared and went through as we grew up can't be replicated or recreated in another relationship or be matched in anyway in a relationship with someone else. For me, the sibling relationship has a special importance and is in a class of it's own, unlike all my other relationships. I would feel like I was missing a part of myself without it.
My mother could be a character . I would ask her "Mum , who do you love most?" - She would reply "I love me the most"............As for the order in the chain of love it should be as such for a married couple...You love your spouse first...The children should come second...parents and siblings should be about the same...The family dog - It comes last. Those who put children above spouse are doomed to fail in marriage. There is a proper order to things..keep it in order and all will fall into it's place.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
Reputation: 11862
[quote=Oleg Bach;29861799]My mother could be a character . I would ask her "Mum , who do you love most?" - She would reply "I love me the most"............As for the order in the chain of love it should be as such for a married couple...You love your spouse first...The children should come second...parents and siblings should be about the same...The family dog - It comes last. Those who put children above spouse are doomed to fail in marriage. There is a proper order to things..keep it in order and all will fall into it's place.[/
That would be the case with most couples then. One should ideally love both equally, but I think its natural to love your children more.
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