Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't think I would want to remian friends with someone that was having an affair with a married man. She put you in a very uncomfortable position by telling you about this.
A dear friend of me confessed she is having an affair with someone. I never met him. But I know his name, and what he does for a living. Last weekend, I met this lovely woman and her husband at a party held by mutual friends. When her husband told me his name and what he does for a living, I asked him if he knew my friend. He said "yes." I knew immediately who he was. He is the man my friend is having an affair with!!! I basically made some small talk, and walked away.
I just feel horrible for the wife. She has been wanting to get together with my husband and I ever since. But I just feel so uncomfortable. To make matters worse, she really is such a warm, and sweet person. I am not sure how to handle this situation.
Any suggestions?
I think you would have to decide between the adulterous friend and the victim friend. You can't be true friends with both of them at the same time knowing what you know.
I would lose respect and interest in the one who knows she's having sex with a married man.
If the "friend" had not confessed to you, you wouldn't know and you might have enjoyed a relationship with this couple. I don't see how you can be good friends with the wronged woman under these circumstances. But I don't see how you can condone the actions of your friend either. You are not responsible for the bad actions of the husband or your friend, and you don't need to "tell". It is unlikely that the wife will ever know that you knew, and really, ask yourself how telling her would impact you and her.
I don't think you should accept confidences from your friend either. I think you should let the friendship cool for now. Be there for her if something bad happens, but she has begun a course that will probably only lead to heartbreak for herself and others. You don't want to be complicit in it.
A dear friend of me confessed she is having an affair with someone. I never met him. But I know his name, and what he does for a living. Last weekend, I met this lovely woman and her husband at a party held by mutual friends. When her husband told me his name and what he does for a living, I asked him if he knew my friend. He said "yes." I knew immediately who he was. He is the man my friend is having an affair with!!! I basically made some small talk, and walked away.
I just feel horrible for the wife. She has been wanting to get together with my husband and I ever since. But I just feel so uncomfortable. To make matters worse, she really is such a warm, and sweet person. I am not sure how to handle this situation.
Any suggestions?
MYOB. Heres the lie. " She is really such a warm, and sweet person? " .....BUT YOU JUST MET HER? LOL. How do you know her husband (THE CHEATER) didnt catch her sacrificing baby puppies to Satan? LOL.
I have a long history of bad relationships, being a player, having sex for fun, manipulating women, and basically being a party animal. I meet people daily who assume I am a professional, honest and family oriented alpha male....
haven't seen all the posts but saw none condemning the cheating husband
Why would you want to be friends with him, much less his wife? Who the hell needs that drama in their lives? Not me. I've had a couple of friends who "saw" a married man. One was truly in love and I guess you can't help who you love. The other was just in it for the sex. The guy is as guilty as the women and I for one get tired of the "other" woman getting all the rocks thrown at em.
Not for me to judge though actually; it's my place to make sure MY life is peaceful and as drama free as possible.
No doubt your friend will be crying on your shoulder often. Choose to be there for her- or not. Decide though because it WILL happen.
A dear friend of me confessed she is having an affair with someone. I never met him. But I know his name, and what he does for a living. Last weekend, I met this lovely woman and her husband at a party held by mutual friends. When her husband told me his name and what he does for a living, I asked him if he knew my friend. He said "yes." I knew immediately who he was. He is the man my friend is having an affair with!!! I basically made some small talk, and walked away.
I just feel horrible for the wife. She has been wanting to get together with my husband and I ever since. But I just feel so uncomfortable. To make matters worse, she really is such a warm, and sweet person. I am not sure how to handle this situation.
Any suggestions?
In my opinion the best thing you can do is first drop your cheating friend if you do not agree with what she is doing.
Second, stay out of it even though you were brought into it already by your "friend", stay out of it. It is not your place to tell someone else about an "alleged" affair. Just because your friend says it is happening does not mean it is actually happening.
Third, if you are uncomfortable because of the alleged affair situation you can either not get together with the couple or you can meet the wife alone for lunch or something. That way you can be social with her and not have to deal with her husband.
First, your friend WILL find out if you and your spouse pursue a friendship with The Cheater and his wife. Don't you think he's bound to tell her? Tell your friend, I mean.
Second, what makes you think The Wife doesn't know The Cheater is up to his old tricks? Eight to five it's not his first time.
Third, it isn't your place to spill the beans to The Wife. Regardless of how many people say they would want to know, knowing calls for action - usually ugly, and possibly action that The Wife isn't ready to take.
Were I you, I would make excuses to the couple, lose the "dear friend" who has put you in this position, and go about finding a better class of people to hang out with.
No one is saying the man is not guilty too. Of course he is. He is the one that made a vow to be faithful, so he is wrong and knows it. However, the cheating woman is wrong too. She knows he is married and still chooses to be with him. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with either one of them. Also, the person who said the wife might not be that nice is right, but she is still his WIFE. If he doesn't want to be married to her, he can leave. He should not cheat.
A dear friend of me confessed she is having an affair with someone. I never met him. But I know his name, and what he does for a living. Last weekend, I met this lovely woman and her husband at a party held by mutual friends. When her husband told me his name and what he does for a living, I asked him if he knew my friend. He said "yes." I knew immediately who he was. He is the man my friend is having an affair with!!! I basically made some small talk, and walked away.
I just feel horrible for the wife. She has been wanting to get together with my husband and I ever since. But I just feel so uncomfortable. To make matters worse, she really is such a warm, and sweet person. I am not sure how to handle this situation.
Any suggestions?
yanno, its a extremely tough situation....however, this is what I would do, doesn't mean this would be good for you....remember, I'm much older, and the older you become, the less you care what people think and your done with drama....so
If she were my girlfriend, I'd call her and tell her I needed to talk to her, could she please come over to my home....
when she came, we'd sit down and I'd say this....
Your my friend, so I'm going to give it to you as straight as I can...remember, I'm being honest, no matter how much it hurts.
Regarding your affair with this man....
A woman, or man who engages in an affair, cannot be trusted...why? Because first of all, b/c when they found themselves being attracted to each other, they didn't stop and think about al the people's lives they would change forever. They didn't care, all they cared about were themselves.
However, eventaully, you or he will get caught...and when you do, you will change the lives of your parents, grandparents, his parents, his grandparents, and most of all his wife and children, in a very negative and hurtful way, who will forever be scared by your selfish behavior, and there are no amount of excuses that will justify your actions.
I'm sorry, but, I wish to estrange from you, as a friend...I am totally against what you are doing, it's wrong for many reasons, and I no longer wish to be your friend. If you can do this to another family, then you could also do this to me...it is obvious you have no regard for the feelings of others, and I need to protect myself and my family and my faith...
I don't dislike you, I strongly dislike what you are doing...it is selfish, cruel and unfair to everyone who cares of loves you...and I no longer feel that we have anything in common.
I'm sorry, not because of my choice, but because you have decided to go down this path where so many people will get hurt....
no matter what she says, stop her, b/c she is going to get defensive, and try and justify her actions...and in that, I'd stop her, and ask her to leave, b/c there is not one excuse that could justify what she is doing, regardless, you don't do this to another woman, ever...it's blatenly wrong.
That is what I'd do....I don't feel sorry for anyone who runs around...and the reason I say this is b/c when I was very young, regardless of my situation, I ran around, and I hurt so very many people, and changed they're lives forever in a very negative way....I hurt so many people...so many people....and to this very day, I am adament, about this...and if she continues doing this, she may NEVER forgive herself...guilt can be your worst enemy and destroy you...for the rest of your days...believe me....as an example, for a very very long time in my life, afterwards, I made very bad life choices, b/c I didn't think or believe I deserved any better. At the time, I wasn't aware that I was self persecuting...a lot of times you don't....but out of this will come nothing good...believe me.
there is this silent pac between woman, that you never cross that line and run around with any other woman's huband...period. Not only that, but she will be labeled for life by some people, b/c not all people are forgiving...some never forget, including her...and down the road, after this is all said and done, there will be a lot of people involved, who will have to make a choice of who to side with, and she and him have forced people to take sides...very cruel and unthinking...if you hurt others, you hurt yourself, two fold. Believe you me.
She needs counseling to understand why she is doing this...but there is nothing you can do for her and being around her or with her could be septic to you, b/c your morals are so totally different from hers...it's not ok to do this....
ya know, we have become a world that truly forgives the immoral, criminal and wrong doers, and that is wrong...there is NO excuse to run around with a married man...and visa versa....first question in my mind would be...has he done this before...I can almost bet, she is not his first...could be wrong, but this becomes a pattern...the prize for men, is the excitement of getting away with it, and having his cake and eating it to. He will tell her how terrible his wife is...how he is justified to have some happiness...?
But, being older, and knowing what I know, this is what I would do, without any shadow of a doubt, and have done it already...and confessed to the woman that I ran around when I was very young, without realizing the lives I would change forever, in a negative way...for the rest of their days. It wasn't only about me...but about everyone who loved me...
lastly, other then breaking off the friendship, do not repeat any of this to anyone else, stay out of it, period.
Thanks for your responses. My girl friend was going through a very rough time with her husband. She was vulnerable and this man sniffed her out and charmed her off her feet. It was an escape from reality. But she knows it's wrong and she feels very bad about it. She is in the process of trying to end it. I am not going to lose the friendship over this. She is one of my best friends, and she needed to confide in someone (me).
As far as this man's wife, I will not pursue a friendship with her/them. Yes, she is a lovely woman. But I won't rat out my friend.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
