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Old 05-31-2013, 09:53 AM
 
933 posts, read 1,207,687 times
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I have a friend who has been ver unreliable. I want you all's advice just so I can figure out what is going on. I am going to just give you a sequence of events, and I ask you all to please help me.

So, first off, you must know that he texts me EVERY weekend and asks me what I am doing. I find it a little invasive that he asks what I am doing, so that I feel like I have to tell him my plans every weekend, but I guess that's okay. When I respond it will sometimes take him a really long time to respond back thus putting me in an uncomfortable situation. I will now point you all to three situations and ask for your advice.

A week or two ago this friend texted me and asked if I would help him with some help with his exams I said I couldn't because I had to study for my exams, however if he needed help, he should go to the teacher himself. I must have told him 4 or 5 times that I couldn't do it, but if he needed help with one or two problems I could just help him with that. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and forced me to come over to help him with this exam (for 1-2 hours he said I believe). However, after 20-30 minutes at most, he said he didn't want to do it anymore once I had come over. He told me I wanted to leave I could and he said it kind of nastily (he could have always said it because I said I could only go for an hour, but it was the way he said it that kind of made me mad). So essentially, we went through an hour-an hour and a half texting session just so he could make me come and do 20-30 minutes of work and then tell me I could leave (without thanking me).

Then, a few days ago, he asked me if I wanted to run in the park with him. I said, reluctantly, yes and said I was leaving, so he should come too. I got there maybe 10 minutes later (texted him I was there( at the street corner where he told me I should go, and he was nowhere to be found. I waited 10-15 minutes and he texted me saying HE had been waiting 10 minutes and then left and also that his leg hurt. Well, he was nowhere on that corner, so when I started questioning him about it, he gave me fishy information, didn't know the name of my street which was the street next to it which he claims he had been waiting on by mistake and then claimed he was waiting on a totally different street. It gets even weirder but nothing adds up, and it seems like he could have never come.

Finally, just last night HE ASKED ME to watch a basketball game with him. Although I was not enthusiastic about it, I reluctantly agreed and said he could come over and watch it. Well, most of the first half passed and he still wasn't there, and it was almost half time when I got a text from him saying his head hurt and he couldn't come, but not even a sorry. First off, he asked me, but he hadn't complained of a head ache when I saw him 45 minutes earlier, and it's not like I was begging him to come, so it's just so weird.

You must know that he is not very nice to me, and he never makes me feel good about myself. He will almost always put me down when he gets the chance, but then that following weekend he will desperately text me to see what I am doing. For instance after completing a project together, he told me he will be really upset if I get a better grade than him since he talked more than me in the presentation, and in another presentation him, supposedly my friend, told me I talked strange and my part of the presentation was weird.

I desperately need help figuring out what is going on. What should I do?
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:56 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,549,344 times
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How do you know this person? I am trying to get at why you label him a "friend."
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Old 05-31-2013, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Colorado
4,308 posts, read 11,808,320 times
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Stop answering his texts and phone calls. Either block him or change your number if you can. This guy is just playing games and evidently has no intention on following thro on anything.
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Old 05-31-2013, 10:15 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,303,592 times
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How old are you two- high school, college ? As with the poster above, why would you call this person a friend ?

This not how a friend behaves. What hold does this guy have on you that he " makes" you come to his place to do what he wants. No one can " make" you do something you do not want to do. Why do you feel you have to keep agreeing to do whatever he wants?

I don't see this as a situation in which you have to figure out what he is doing. Why bother ? He's not a friend. He's not going to be a friend, it won't change..

IMO, you don't need this fellow in your life. He's adding nothing to your life. Maybe you should make yourself unavailable. Ignore his texts/ calls. If you happen to come upon him during the course of your school day, etc. be chilly and just indicate you no longer have time for any relationship with him.
In other words, move on and find other people to have as friends.
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Old 05-31-2013, 10:18 AM
 
933 posts, read 1,207,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
How do you know this person? I am trying to get at why you label him a "friend."
I just don't want to use his name. I label him a friend because I feel like he thinks I am his best friend, but while still a friend, I just don't think he is treating me as someone should treat someone else.
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Old 05-31-2013, 10:21 AM
 
933 posts, read 1,207,687 times
Reputation: 1029
Quote:
Originally Posted by chilaili View Post
Stop answering his texts and phone calls. Either block him or change your number if you can. This guy is just playing games and evidently has no intention on following thro on anything.
That's what a family member told me too. I just don't get why he would do this to me. Someone else has told me that he texts him so much too. I honestly just don't think he knows how to be a friend. And it's not like he has this abundance of friends to call either from what I've seen.
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Old 05-31-2013, 10:25 AM
 
2,575 posts, read 4,692,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David910 View Post
That's what a family member told me too. I just don't get why he would do this to me. Someone else has told me that he texts him so much too. I honestly just don't think he knows how to be a friend. And it's not like he has this abundance of friends to call either from what I've seen.
He doesn't have an abundance of friends because most people wouldn't put up with his behavior. Neither should you.
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Old 05-31-2013, 10:30 AM
 
933 posts, read 1,207,687 times
Reputation: 1029
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
How old are you two- high school, college ? As with the poster above, why would you call this person a friend ?

This not how a friend behaves. What hold does this guy have on you that he " makes" you come to his place to do what he wants. No one can " make" you do something you do not want to do. Why do you feel you have to keep agreeing to do whatever he wants?

I don't see this as a situation in which you have to figure out what he is doing. Why bother ? He's not a friend. He's not going to be a friend, it won't change..

IMO, you don't need this fellow in your life. He's adding nothing to your life. Maybe you should make yourself unavailable. Ignore his texts/ calls. If you happen to come upon him during the course of your school day, etc. be chilly and just indicate you no longer have time for any relationship with him.
In other words, move on and find other people to have as friends.
I'm not going to give my age (I don't like giving out personal info on the internet ), but I will say I am old enough to be posting on these forums so it shouldn't matter.

I guess the reason why I call him a friend is because for the first maybe six months of our friendship, I feel like we really became friends in April of 2012, he wasn't doing all of this crap. Then at some point in late 2012 or early 2013 this has all started. You have to understand, I hate having conflict. But, in this situation that wasn't the case, he was just so fricking relentless that I was tired of arguing with him any longer. And since I didn't want him yelling at me and making me feel bad about myself, I just gave in.

This is the type of person where he is so relentless, you just can't end a friendship this quickly. I've been trying to slowly cut it off, but it is really difficult.

If I say so myself, I have a lot, of patience. After last night's incident though, my patience is about to run out. I feel like I have been wronged.
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Old 05-31-2013, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,563 posts, read 24,154,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David910 View Post
I just don't want to use his name. I label him a friend because I feel like he thinks I am his best friend, but while still a friend, I just don't think he is treating me as someone should treat someone else.
He's treating you poorly because you're letting him treat you poorly. Don't invite him over. Don't be available to hang out with him. Don't answer most of his texts. You can control how you interact with him. As the great philosopher Oprah says, "you teach people how to treat you."

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 05-31-2013 at 10:45 AM..
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Old 05-31-2013, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,912 posts, read 2,728,856 times
Reputation: 5084
Is there such a thing as a texting addiction? If there is, perhaps he makes up lies to keep the texts flowing.
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