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Old 07-25-2017, 09:47 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
10,244 posts, read 13,758,456 times
Reputation: 18043

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevdawgg View Post
Sad that I can't meet people and make new friends in public. The only way for me to make friends is to join some sort of a social club and move up in the ranks. Even if I did, people don't stick around and too many people come and go. (Happens at some jobs I worked at too).

What makes things worse is I live in a place where people prefer to hang out with those they went to high school with, went to church with, live on the same block with, work with, and grew up with. They don't socialize and interact with people outside their network.
I think that last paragraph is true nationwide.
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Old 07-25-2017, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,296,641 times
Reputation: 25946
I think it's easier to make friends in volunteer jobs.


The problem with adult friendships is that adults who approach under the guise of "friendship" are often likely to have ulterior motives. During childhood and teen years, however, kids hang out based on mutual interests. So that's why people say their real friends are the ones they knew growing up. I think people should be more open to making friends as adults but no way to change them, really.
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Old 07-26-2017, 08:45 AM
 
15,816 posts, read 6,878,799 times
Reputation: 8482
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I have not found this to be true at all. I am in my early 50s and am still making new friends and maintaining many long-

Maybe it just has to do with picking the RIGHT friends in the first place--sticking only with people who really "get" you and share your values, attitudes and sense of humor (extremely important!)
25 close friends is a LOT. And that they 'get' you etc is amazing. Good for you. Personally I cannot manage so many CLOSE friends.
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Old 07-26-2017, 11:01 AM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,941,547 times
Reputation: 30752
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazzwell View Post
Personally speaking, any lack of having friends has more to do with me than it really does with anybody else. In other words, to have a friend, you need to be a friend. That takes work and it's a job you have to, how can I say this....you almost have to apply for. An investment of your time. Sometimes there's no return on that investment, other times you've found a lifelong chum.

Yeah! This.


Now that I'm an adult, I have no problem making friends...or at least to say, I'm comfortable with the circle of friends and acquaintances I have.


When I was around 18 or 19, I decided being shy (I'm an introvert) just wasn't working for me, and I got over it. Now, at 60, I strike up conversations all the time, mostly because people interest me, and I'm curious. PLUS, I have a large family, loving husband, etc....so my emotional life is very content at this point in life.


But the main thing is...if you WANT a friend, then BE a friend. Be free with compliments, introduce yourself to new neighbors, be nice to little kids...help people when you see someone that could use a helping hand, etc.
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Old 07-27-2017, 01:06 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
10,244 posts, read 13,758,456 times
Reputation: 18043
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I think it's easier to make friends in volunteer jobs.


The problem with adult friendships is that adults who approach under the guise of "friendship" are often likely to have ulterior motives. During childhood and teen years, however, kids hang out based on mutual interests. So that's why people say their real friends are the ones they knew growing up. I think people should be more open to making friends as adults but no way to change them, really.
What do you mean by ulterior motives?
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Old 07-29-2017, 12:20 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,259 posts, read 4,724,327 times
Reputation: 2345
I'm 32 my wife and my dog are about the only real friends that I have. Being an introvert doesn't help one bit either. I had a some friends I guess you could call it. It was more or less just a group of us that would meet up and hang out, but after a couple of years it got to the point where I was sitting by the window waiting for them to drive by so I could call them up to see what was going on. Other than that I've never had any relationship with anyone where I could just call them up and say hi, not that I would know what to say if anyone ever called me. I'm honestly getting closer to that point everyday where I'm just going to swear off people and go live in the woods.
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Old 01-29-2020, 02:14 PM
 
24 posts, read 10,663 times
Reputation: 45
Default getting harder and harder to make friends these days

I just posted my own thread with a similiar question. It is called "Is it harder to make friends these days". I think it is just about impossible to make new friends. I also have the same problem. I think people are just different with social media. They may have 100 Facebook connections but NO REAL friends. They seem to be friends WITH only those related to them or those they went to school with or grew up with or went to same church. If people do not know you this way, forget it. At best you are just a casual friend. They may say "Hi" and make some limited small talk about the weather or other meaningless crap. But if you want something more, forget it. You may even invite them over for a drink or coffee, but they will not return the hospitality. You may call them for a friendly chat, but they would never think of calling you just for a chat. You may wish you had a friend to take to lunch or go shopping with. Again forget that. They have REAL friends for that, and again you feel like an outsider. I have always lived in small towns and you hear of that good "Old fashioned friendly small town hospitality". That is just a myth. When I drive by and wave to others, they NEVER wave back, or see someone in the grocery store who I know. Again if I am lucky, maybe they will say "Hello" and that is about that. So I think this is how society is going. Again there is nothing wrong with me. I am neat, clean, well educated, self sufficient, not ugly, do not cuss, do dope, or get drunk, just a nice middle aged lady who gets lonely. I have no husband (widow) and 2 selfish kids who just hide in their rooms and place video games all the time. But I do have a cat and enjoy reading and watch the news. I hate the reality tv shows and after a while the 24 hour news shows get boring. No place to shop, no decent stores open here anymore, no clubs, organizations, or fun things to do. Just a couple of crummy fast food places, a farm store and a dollar store, in the middle of nowhere and no one to talk to except my own thoughts. so good luck to you. I was told that I could "hire" a counselor just to have someone to talk to, but again this just seems so lame as she would not be a real friend. She would never consider calling me to come over for coffee and a chat. Just a paid professional who would analyze me and tell me to try harder. Well I am 65 years old and so tired of trying.I just do not know what to do. I have thought of moving but afraid it would be a new town with the same old problems. Also people DO NOT bring over treats to the new neighbor, This went out in the 1950s. I only see my neighbors leave for work in the morning and come home at night. They use the electric car door opener so they are not even outside long enough for me to engage them in a converstation. Oh well, I hope when I die I will find friends in heaven.
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Old 01-29-2020, 02:21 PM
 
4,171 posts, read 3,363,694 times
Reputation: 9106
This is it.

I used to bring treats to the neighbors...never reciprocated. No one WANTS friends, even when they claim they do. If I want to chat I can do it in the supermarket with checkout and stock clerks, but though they are friendly they are not friends.
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Old 01-29-2020, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,770,227 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by happygramma View Post
I just posted my own thread with a similiar question. It is called "Is it harder to make friends these days". I think it is just about impossible to make new friends. I also have the same problem. I think people are just different with social media. They may have 100 Facebook connections but NO REAL friends. They seem to be friends WITH only those related to them or those they went to school with or grew up with or went to same church. If people do not know you this way, forget it. At best you are just a casual friend. They may say "Hi" and make some limited small talk about the weather or other meaningless crap. But if you want something more, forget it. You may even invite them over for a drink or coffee, but they will not return the hospitality. You may call them for a friendly chat, but they would never think of calling you just for a chat. You may wish you had a friend to take to lunch or go shopping with. Again forget that. They have REAL friends for that, and again you feel like an outsider. I have always lived in small towns and you hear of that good "Old fashioned friendly small town hospitality". That is just a myth. When I drive by and wave to others, they NEVER wave back, or see someone in the grocery store who I know. Again if I am lucky, maybe they will say "Hello" and that is about that. So I think this is how society is going. Again there is nothing wrong with me. I am neat, clean, well educated, self sufficient, not ugly, do not cuss, do dope, or get drunk, just a nice middle aged lady who gets lonely. I have no husband (widow) and 2 selfish kids who just hide in their rooms and place video games all the time. But I do have a cat and enjoy reading and watch the news. I hate the reality tv shows and after a while the 24 hour news shows get boring. No place to shop, no decent stores open here anymore, no clubs, organizations, or fun things to do. Just a couple of crummy fast food places, a farm store and a dollar store, in the middle of nowhere and no one to talk to except my own thoughts. so good luck to you. I was told that I could "hire" a counselor just to have someone to talk to, but again this just seems so lame as she would not be a real friend. She would never consider calling me to come over for coffee and a chat. Just a paid professional who would analyze me and tell me to try harder. Well I am 65 years old and so tired of trying.I just do not know what to do. I have thought of moving but afraid it would be a new town with the same old problems. Also people DO NOT bring over treats to the new neighbor, This went out in the 1950s. I only see my neighbors leave for work in the morning and come home at night. They use the electric car door opener so they are not even outside long enough for me to engage them in a converstation. Oh well, I hope when I die I will find friends in heaven.
I'm younger than you, but its the same for me. I think if I'm still single at 60ish, I will move to a country where the people are more welcoming and friendly. I've considered Medellin with the great weather, or maybe an inexpensive European country. I don't know. Thats still 10 years away, but I dream about it. I'm just sick of this culture we live in.
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Old 01-29-2020, 04:25 PM
 
24 posts, read 10,663 times
Reputation: 45
Default is it getting harder making friends now

I think it is much friendlier in other Countries. I think people are more polite. But the problem is the new strict immigration laws. Because with all the Climate and War Refugees pouring into these European nations, they are now strictly limiting who may migrate there. I know in Canada, where my relatives live, you can not move there if you are older than 45 or so. Plus they require you to have a skill, a high paid professional job, one that you already have lined up in Canada and also a nice nest egg so you do not become a public charge. The United States under Trump has also passed similar laws. They were being held up in court, but now the SUpreme Court just approved them. So in the future it will get even harder to relocate to other Countries. I have already looked into this. So I am considering different states to move to. My adult son heard that the Portland and Seattle areas are nice. So he is planning to move there in 2 years. I think some bigger cities are nice. I have heard people complain about the people of Chicago. But I have never had a complaint. I think they are very nice, and very helpful, and easy to talk to. If I lived there, I feel I would have many friends. But with my disabilities it would be very difficult to move. So I may be stuck here. I have already planned my funeral because I feel if I am lucky maybe 4 people will show up. My sons and one daughter in law and they will be the only ones. So to saved them the trouble of planning such a small funeral, I saved them the time and embarrasement and planned it myself. I really hate holidays and those are the worst time. It makes me feel sad when I drive around town and see many, many cars parked in front of other peoples homes. I feel envious and wish I would have a visitor. But I am happy with election time coming up because now the door to door politicans come around so I can always get them to talk to me a little. It cheers me up!
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