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Old 06-03-2013, 03:20 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,160 posts, read 20,444,227 times
Reputation: 26433

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I have new neighbors behind our house. There's a retaining wall at the back of the yard, so basically their patio is looking down into my yard. Our yards are small.

Every time we open our back door, their dog barks, and then they come out and they stand on the patio and stare at us. If I'm doing something in the yard, they stand right there and watch the entire time. If I let my dog into the yard at midnight so she can potty before bed, they come out and stare at me. If I bring groceries home (my front door is actually on the side of my house, which they can see from the patio), they watch me bring everything inside. I have curtains and blinds in my bedroom (which has three large windows facing their patio), but my husband is disturbed by these people staring at us and he's covered the windows with styrofoam panels for an extra layer between us and them.

I know they have a TV, so it's not like they have nothing to do and they're watching us because they're bored.

Have you ever had a neighbor like that? Or if you're the nosy neighbor, why do you do it?
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Old 06-03-2013, 03:59 PM
 
2,561 posts, read 2,923,970 times
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Have you even tried to speak to them like say a friendly "Hello?" - it sounds awkward if you or they have not even spoken to each other at all yet.

Yes, being nosy is annoying, but that might break the ice of the constant "staring." I would just make small talk if they engage you in conversation, keep it very superficial.
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Old 06-03-2013, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,017 posts, read 17,327,635 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maus View Post
Have you even tried to speak to them like say a friendly "Hello?" - it sounds awkward if you or they have not even spoken to each other at all yet.

Yes, being nosy is annoying, but that might break the ice of the constant "staring." I would just make small talk if they engage you in conversation, keep it very superficial.
Yes, it certainly sounds odd. Especially when you let the dog out at midnight and when you bring in groceries.

Are they waiting for you to introduce yourself? Maybe in their old neighborhood the current residents welcome the new residents and they are waiting for "their welcome to the neighborhood" ?

Are they from a different culture? Maybe it isn't being "nosy" in their homeland but being friendly?

Is their dog barking excessively when he hears your back door and they are trying to silently tell you that you are disturbing them by constantly going in and out of your back door?

Maybe you should just stand outside and stare right back at them until they go inside? have a group of your friends come over and all of you can just stand there staring at them. Just joking (maybe).
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Old 06-03-2013, 06:18 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,160 posts, read 20,444,227 times
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I don't know, I knew the people who lived there before, but I introduced myself to them when I was walking past their house. It's probably silly but I don't want to start talking to these people across the back yard because I feel like that would be saying that their staring felt friendly.

They're not from a different culture, so it's not that.

If their dog is barking excessively, it's their fault, not mine. Mine are trained not to bark at neighbors in their own yards, they need to train theirs too.
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Old 06-03-2013, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,017 posts, read 17,327,635 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
I don't know, I knew the people who lived there before, but I introduced myself to them when I was walking past their house. It's probably silly but I don't want to start talking to these people across the back yard because I feel like that would be saying that their staring felt friendly.

They're not from a different culture, so it's not that.

If their dog is barking excessively, it's their fault, not mine. Mine are trained not to bark at neighbors in their own yards, they need to train theirs too.
Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that their barking dog was your fault. Their dog shouldn't be barking when you open your door. I was just trying to think of possible reasons for their unusual behavior.
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Old 06-03-2013, 10:35 PM
 
10,812 posts, read 8,056,502 times
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Wow, of all the posts I've read on this forum, this one baffles me. We too have a retaining wall in our backyard with a neighbor's house looking down. In 20+ years (and several families who have rotated through the looking-down house) we've not had anything like the problem you describe. It would drive me nuts. I'm 60+ years old and am seldom at a loss at how to deal with folks but this one leaves me stumped. I'd lose sleep over it.
All I have to offer is ~you probably are going to have to tackle it head-on, ie approach them in a friendly but take-no-prisoners manner and directly ask them why they exhibit this behavior. In my experience, *almost all* neighbors are good folks who respond well. Good luck, and keep us posted!

edit: how long have they lived there?

Last edited by biscuitmom; 06-03-2013 at 10:48 PM..
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Old 06-04-2013, 03:27 AM
 
Location: Wildside of Oahu
1,412 posts, read 2,782,163 times
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How about plant a fast growing hedge or plants some trees?
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Old 06-04-2013, 03:50 AM
 
Location: Ohio
15,159 posts, read 13,418,020 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maus View Post
Have you even tried to speak to them like say a friendly "Hello?" - it sounds awkward if you or they have not even spoken to each other at all yet.

Yes, being nosy is annoying, but that might break the ice of the constant "staring." I would just make small talk if they engage you in conversation, keep it very superficial.
I was thinking along the same lines....but with a different spin to it.

Every time they stare at the OP......she should walk over to the wall and engage them in conversation......until they get so sick of her they stay in their house to avoid having to talk to her.
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Old 06-04-2013, 03:51 AM
 
Location: Mayberry
32,060 posts, read 13,086,762 times
Reputation: 68573
Just say Hi, nothing interesting going on over here, how bout you?
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:50 AM
 
Location: A tropical island
4,566 posts, read 4,433,844 times
Reputation: 11210
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
It's probably silly but I don't want to start talking to these people across the back yard because I feel like that would be saying that their staring felt friendly.
Then maybe ask them something like, "Is there something I can help you with?" or "Did you need to talk with me about something? I notice that every time I come into our back yard, you come outside too."

It might feel awkward, but THEY are the ones who should feel uncomfortable if you call them out on their inappropriate behavior. You have every right to question them about it.
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