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Ah, yes. Very familiar. Except in my case there are mental issues involved. Perhaps that's the case with many of these situations? General nastiness rooted in jealousy/envy. I don't understand it as I treat all of my siblings with love/respect.
Everything you mentioned in your article is precisely how my older sister mistreated me, and she is only three years older than me. Trust me, I found her insufferable "false sense of entitlement" nauseating at best. By the age of 25, I had enough of her. Did I get angry with her? No. Tell her off maybe? A couple of times. Want to ring her scrawny neck until she screamed, "Uncle?" What I wanted to do and what I did do are two totally different things. So what did I do? A very good friend encouraged me to read a book entitled, "Games People Play." It is a thin easy to read book that literally took me 45 minutes to read. It is a book that will teach you how to effectively turn the tables on the difficult person in your life verbally and calmly. Actually, my mother and sister were just like each other--difficult. So in essence, they were double trouble for my father and me. The book starts out giving examples of what seems like common sense which bored me silly, but my friend encouraged me to keep reading. I did, and found myself saying, "Oh. So that is what I am doing wrong..." all the way to the end of the book--but the book also taught me how to appropriately handle each conversation still giving me the upper-hand whether I was speaking to my sister or to my mom. When my sister or my mother tried testing my patience with me verbally, they were the ones stymied by their own mental stupidity. Both of them, out of shear frustration, told me, "You've changed." And indeed I had and for the better. Did I tell them about that book? No. That was my secret weapon. In the end, when they saw that their antics were not doing them any good, they stopped. Over the years, I relocated to foreign countries and to other US states for reasons of work. Today, my parents are deceased. And my sister squandered her college education, inheritance, and lost her home to back taxes. And at 65 years of age, she couch surfs from one friend's home to the other. She is running out of couches because she is out-living her friends. I reached out to her, but she prefers being homeless. There is nothing anyone can do for her--we have all tried. So much for having a false sense of entitlement--it did not serve her well over the years. So sad.
Last edited by MissHickory; 10-02-2015 at 10:28 AM..
Of course she is jealous of you. I'm sure there are lots of reasons. Seems your a better person. That pisses people off. At themselves. They direct it at you. Keep being you
I have an older sister where a year apart. She says nothing good about me she calls me names I'm divorce she laughed at my problems.she makes me feel worthless for dating again calls me a *** drinking ***** a ho everything under the sun she's 36 years old so where not kids so to hear this coming from a grown women is crazy.my partner and I of 8 years r now pragnate with r first child my sister called and wished death on my unborn child she calls my man a rapist.she does everything to hurt me she speaks to my ex husband he takes me to court for full custody of my 13 year old daughter the courts ran a back ground check I'm my partner to find out he's a good man.I gotten an order of protection on my ex husben the courts waited 30mins for my sister to show up to back up my ex husband lies she never showed.I never hated anyone like o hate her I'll never speak to this evil person again in my like.her Facebook page is all about dead baby's posted to me and my unborn child I just don't get it.my mother blames me for her actions I just came to a point in life that's she mentally ill and to back off for life
Cece: When your sister calls you names, tell her: "I will not dignify your remarks with a reply." Say these words looking her in the eyes, and remain calm, keeping your voice calm -- DO NOT scream back at her in a girly high-pitched voice. Walk away calmly. Now, let's get to work on getting her Facebook page removed. Somewhere on your Facebook page, look for the words: "Contact Us" click on those words. Type in your Facebook username and email address and tell them how your sister made inappropriate comments on your page, and ask them to remove her nasty comments, and block her access to your Facebook page--more than likely, they will also remove her Facebook page and permanently block her from ever using Facebook again. Your sister violated Facebook's "Terms and Agreement." And as you know, when someone breaks the rules which was agreed to prior to Facebook granting access to their webpage, their webpage will be permanently removed. Cece, no matter what, never raise your voice to your sister. When you do this, it will only excite her worse. Walk away or tell her to bugger off. The phrase, "bugger off" is a term in England that simply means, "go away." Remember, when you yell and scream back to your sister, you have given her what she wanted--upsetting you. Really and truly, stop playing her game and start playing yours. You will be ever so much happier. Never get angry--instead get even. And since your sister has a nasty habit of being nasty to you place her under a Restraining Order, and when she shows up, call the police. For that matter, you just dial 911 (do not tell your sister that you will call 911--just place the call) while she is threatening you and tell 911 that your sister is a "51/50." A 51/50 is a police code for an out of control person acting crazy. Cece, see how much you can accomplish just by being calm? Never threaten your sister about anything--just take action and you will bring peace into your life.
My sister is 9 years younger than I am ; we are both over 50. For the last 20 years she has expressed anger at me and done and said really mean things. We used to go to Atlantic City overnight, that had to stop as she would drink and start a huge fight and scream at me. She was not understanding over my pre wedding stress, she sent me an email stating things that were in no way what I said or meant. When I tried to discuss some issues, she shut me out.
{that is all a quick synopsis} Bottom line is that I am older, more sophisticated, married twice, have a great husband, don't have to work, travel all over the place, and have everything I want. She on the other hand: never married, no boyfriend, stressful job, etc etc. She is also kind of an opinionated person, who is forever running on at the mouth.
On the other hand, she has been very helpful, and I always try to see that side of her, although I don't trust her as her perceptions about me or my intentions are very skewed toward the negative. But yesterday, as she was relaying a story about my wedding and she took full credit for something she didn't do by herself, I corrected her and said why and that we did it together. She never said why she thought what she thought. She then proceeded to "give me social cues" to shut up! And it deteriorated into my challenging her and sticking to my point. Finally I just said ...right bitc*. And she got up and ran out of the restaurant. Like a coward.
This all sounds kind of stupid and trite, but the point is why should one sister treat the other one badly all these years, which detracts from the good stuff? I fully feel there is a lot of resentment, yet when you try to help or suggest something that would be beneficial to her, she resents that too. You are dammed if you do and also if you don't. I am fully able to just not interact with her, but of course, our mother doesn't like this and it is upsetting to her. I don't understand how my good intentions toward her are so twisted by her. I think it is a sign of jealousy or resentment. [And its not like I haven't been good to her, but I think that only creates more resentment]
I have no idea why my older sister hates me. It's always been like this since we were little. I often wondered if she wanted to kill me lol! She is five years older and we have a brother who is two years older than her, so she's a middle child but at the same time, not really? She doesn't rip at my brother even though she does argue with him.
I am sure it's not because she's jealous of me. She is taller and exceptionally pretty, while I am average. I think she has a better social life than I, and is otherwise well adjusted (altho I disagree with how she perceives the world). None of us kids were treated well (we were all hit and abused to a degree), but my mom finds my sister the most reliable and to a degree she is taken the most seriously. She is studying to become a doctor at great unis while I am starting out at community college. As said, she has nothing tangible to be jealous about. So why all the hate? She's constantly criticizing me about everything, such as my values. She calls me names, such as spoiled brat, lazy, materialistic, prideful, hopeless, and anything else that insults my character. Not only does she tell my parents to give up on me, she goes as far as spreading mean stuff and lies to my relatives. What, why?
She is nice to other non-relative people and goes on missions for church, but behind closed doors? Phew she is vicious, and after two years of not seeing her, I met her thinking she'd be more reserved. Instead she went straight back to tearing at me as she always had done.
Even though on the outside she seems normal, and has a lot of friends (though they're all the same religious and race as her), she has always been a bit moody and eerie, saying mean things about a lot of our relatives and even her friends.
I have a feeling she's a bit kooky but what would she resent me on? Is she targeting me simply because I am her only sister? I have done nothing. I don't call her names, argue back at her (unless I want to get beat up cuz she is much stronger), or tell her what to do with her life. I can't imagine hating someone that much. Anyone have siblings (or relatives) who just hate them for some unfathomable reason?
With a few exceptions I could have written this (not abused, not kooky, not mean to anyone but me and my mother). It mellowed a bit as we grew older but its still not as if she likes me. I too have no reason why. It may have started just by being born when she was happy being an only child. And my mother started having mental health issues and things weren't as nice and I got associated with that? IDK. It definately had a long lasting negative impact on me though. Being told you're hated by your beautiful older sibling when you are little is going to.
Yes, I do believe siblings can carry slights from childhood into their adult behaviors. Therapy can be helpful for this, but not everyone has the means or desire to go get help. Certain things "trigger" reactions and sometimes I feel like it is ones entire life just being happier, more financially secure, better looking etc.
I have no idea why my older sister hates me. It's always been like this since we were little. I often wondered if she wanted to kill me lol! She is five years older and we have a brother who is two years older than her, so she's a middle child but at the same time, not really? She doesn't rip at my brother even though she does argue with him.
I am sure it's not because she's jealous of me. She is taller and exceptionally pretty, while I am average. I think she has a better social life than I, and is otherwise well adjusted (altho I disagree with how she perceives the world). None of us kids were treated well (we were all hit and abused to a degree), but my mom finds my sister the most reliable and to a degree she is taken the most seriously. She is studying to become a doctor at great unis while I am starting out at community college. As said, she has nothing tangible to be jealous about. So why all the hate? She's constantly criticizing me about everything, such as my values. She calls me names, such as spoiled brat, lazy, materialistic, prideful, hopeless, and anything else that insults my character. Not only does she tell my parents to give up on me, she goes as far as spreading mean stuff and lies to my relatives. What, why?
She is nice to other non-relative people and goes on missions for church, but behind closed doors? Phew she is vicious, and after two years of not seeing her, I met her thinking she'd be more reserved. Instead she went straight back to tearing at me as she always had done.
Even though on the outside she seems normal, and has a lot of friends (though they're all the same religious and race as her), she has always been a bit moody and eerie, saying mean things about a lot of our relatives and even her friends.
I have a feeling she's a bit kooky but what would she resent me on? Is she targeting me simply because I am her only sister? I have done nothing. I don't call her names, argue back at her (unless I want to get beat up cuz she is much stronger), or tell her what to do with her life. I can't imagine hating someone that much. Anyone have siblings (or relatives) who just hate them for some unfathomable reason?
Confront her. Tell her what she thinks you've done that's wrong.
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MissHickory
