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I can't find a place to put this certain kind of thing.
My cousins just blow into town unannounced and never give a thought about my feelings or my mom's. They stay at a place a family member owns, so that isn't the issue. The thing is they never announce when they come. They never call ahead of time. Another cousin usually calls us. She is very old so she never comes, and she and my mom are close.
So it was unexpected when they came into town. They usually do come about every two or three months for birthday celebrations. This wasn't one of them.
I was told from one of my cousins that they called to invite my mom to go to dinner with them, but she declined because she was busy all day and too tired. They didn't invite me. This was odd. It's not like I don't pay my way. I get along with everyone, and we have a good time. My mom doesn't like their unexpected arrivals either. I'm sure she'll call me tomorrow and vent about it. This is also trend, finding out from somebody else they are coming to the city.
Last time they were here, one cousin (I'll call her Jill) invited me to go across the bay with her and some of the other girl cousins shopping later in the afternoon around 1pm. I told them I would meet them after lunch at their place, as I had a date for lunch planned the next day already. She agreed and it was settled. Or so I thought.
The next day, after lunch, I called her to tell her my lunch date was over, and was on my way. She tells me there's no room in the vehicle. She then asked me if I had a car and I said no. Well of course she knows i don't. It's not like they drive me around all the time when they are here, so that isn't what is going on here.
I felt hurt since I was looking forward to it. She can be a bit manipulative as well.
One time, we were getting ready to go out. One of my cousin's wives has her little dogs with her and she needed to walk beforehand. While she was out across the street at the park walking her dogs, we got into the car, and drove off. I was kind of surprised at that. I asked where we were going and if we were coming back to get her. They said no. I don't think they had a fight with her or anything. She didn't have a key to get back in either. She walked the dogs to Chinatown thinking that we went there. We actually drove across the bridge to San Anselmo, as Jill wanted to go shopping at a jewelry store, where she knows the owners. She loves to shop, and she does have money. She called her husband, my cousin, so they could meet up with her. I would be pissed off, but she didn't seem too mad.
If they call me to ask me to go shopping tomorrow I am going to say I have plans to go to lunch, and I forgot to tell them, like they forgot to tell me they were coming to the city.
Thanks for letting me vent.
My only advice is...if your cousins actions bother you and your Mother, then don't rearrage your life to accommodate them.
I wouldn't let it annoy me...if they visit pretty often, there is no reason you have to get together everytime they are in town.
If we all were the same life would be boring- sorry for your frustration and yes i have relatives that do the same thing. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THESE PEOPLE?????????
There i feel better already.
JennStar...I can't understand why your cousins being in town is an issue for you. They shouldn't have to tell you what they're doing, nor when they're coming...if they were staying with you ..yes, but they're not. When they invite you to do things with them while in town, it's because they want to spend time with you. If they have to make an appointment with you every time they want to do something, chances are they'll just not call...They are probably there to enjoy themselves...sometimes being spontaneous is part of the fun...I don't see them as being thoughtless, though I do think YOU are expecting too much from them.
If you have not made other plans go with them, if you have stick with your plans. I don't understand why it is such an issue when they decide to make the trip since they don't stay with you, it isn't like they are just barging in at 3:00am announcing their arrival.
If you do not like the way cousin Jill treats the others then don't do anything with her and move on.
If you have not made other plans go with them, if you have stick with yourplans. I don't understand why it is such an issue when they decide to make the trip since they don't stay with you, it isn't like they are just barging in at 3:00am announcing their arrival.
If you do not like the way cousin Jill treats the others then don't do anything with her and move on.
It would be nice if they called in advance but since they don't just join them when you can do it and when you want to join them.
I agree that it was pretty immature (if not actually dangerous) to just drive off and leave someone. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
JennStar...I can't understand why your cousins being in town is an issue for you. They shouldn't have to tell you what they're doing, nor when they're coming...if they were staying with you ..yes, but they're not. When they invite you to do things with them while in town, it's because they want to spend time with you. If they have to make an appointment with you every time they want to do something, chances are they'll just not call...They are probably there to enjoy themselves...sometimes being spontaneous is part of the fun...I don't see them as being thoughtless, though I do think YOU are expecting too much from them.
Exactly. Unless they show up knocking on your door unannounced looking to stay there, who cares.
And FYI OP, I gave up on your post because you don't uses paragraphs. If you're going to write out a long post use paragraphs. Thanks.
Very immature of all of you. People who come to town, if they aren't staying with you are being courteous to invite you to do things. Either join them, or not. Pretending you're busy tomorrow is passive aggressive, and part of the problem from the situations you describe.
You're getting mad because they didn't have room to pick you up, when you said you would meet them is silly. How did you plan on meeting them? Cab?
There are some things in life that are impossible to forgive, these are not one of them. You will regret this later in life looking back. Be the best person you can now, life will have rewards.And I hope venting has helped so that you can join your family and have some fun. Relax, enjoy your life and the fact that you still have some family to be with. I wish you good luck.
Very immature of all of you. People who come to town, if they aren't staying with you are being courteous to invite you to do things. Either join them, or not. Pretending you're busy tomorrow is passive aggressive, and part of the problem from the situations you describe. You're getting mad because they didn't have room to pick you up, when you said you would meet them is silly. How did you plan on meeting them? Cab?
There are some things in life that are impossible to forgive, these are not one of them. You will regret this later in life looking back. Be the best person you can now, life will have rewards.And I hope venting has helped so that you can join your family and have some fun. Relax, enjoy your life and the fact that you still have some family to be with. I wish you good luck.
The way that I read OP's post was that the cousins asked her to go along with them and she was "on her way to meet them" she was then told that they didn't have room in the car for her when she would arrive there (where her cousins were staying).
In my opinion, it is not very nice to invite someone to do something with you and when they are on the way to your house/hotel say "No, you can't come with us, we don't have room in the car for you."
Of course, it could be worse. You could be riding with the cousins and get out of the car to let your dogs urinate and have them drive off without you and without telling you where they are going AND without a key to get back into where all of you are staying.
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-10-2013 at 10:05 PM..
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