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Old 06-10-2013, 01:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bmachina View Post
I agree. And there are a lot of people in the world who have miserable lives because they were born as a mistake, or for the selfish reasons you mentioned. Don't do that to another human being...
OK, but please note that I never actually said that children should be born primarily because of a parent not wanting to be alone in their older years...
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Old 06-10-2013, 01:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
That also assumes though that the nieces and nephews will want to associate with you, and that it is even a viable option. For instance, what if you don't have any siblings (and thus no potential for nieces or nephews, to begin with?)
Then you'll have to deal with what circumstances were given to you. Like I said, always assume you will not have anyone's help and you should be fine.
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Old 06-10-2013, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
Also, the larger caretaker issue aside, what happens if an elderly person were to fall down or collapse in their place of residence, and while needing urgent interventional medical care, not be able to reach a telephone? If that person has no one else involved in their lives, it could be days (months? longer?) before anyone potentially finds them?
There are easy solutions such as this one: Philips Lifeline Standard Medical Alert Service

You could also rent a one or two bedroom apartment at an assisted living facility, if housekeeping and meals become too much for you to handle. You remain independent but have meals in a common dining room. Housekeeping once a week is usually included. At the ones I've read about, you leave your garbage outside your apartment door each night. If there is no garbage left, you are checked on to make sure you are OK.
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Old 06-10-2013, 02:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
Please understand, I'm definitely not trying to insult you or be snarky here, but what makes you think that if you had medical crisis, that your friends would actually stand by you, and not desert you instead though? I have personally experienced this (medical crisis when I was younger, and the people who I thought were my friends were literally gone in the blink of an eye...I never heard from 99% of them, ever again, as they simply they didn't care).
I have no idea if they would or not. But I wouldn't have a guarantee from my own children either, would I? Perhaps an increased statistical likelihood, but no guarantees.

But I'm friends with a lot of people who are similarly childless and unmarried. We are each other's social support system. Given that they all have reasonable degrees of empathy, I can't see any of my friends bailing on another friend in a similar situation during a health crisis. You never know when you could find yourself in the same situation, for one thing.
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Old 06-10-2013, 02:37 PM
 
Location: East TN
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I'm child-free and so is my DH. We have my family (siblings, and their children) but I would never expect them to take care of us in our old age. I am retired and I have a substantial bank account, health insurance, pension, long term care insurance and, when I'm old enough, social security, and medicare. I feel that I've got it pretty well covered. Don't think that children will care for you. I'm here to tell you that that dog just won't hunt. Plenty of adult children have ZERO interest or ability to care for an elderly relative. My 86 year old MIL lives with us, but her other son speaks to her twice a year if she's lucky...and usually because he wants to borrow money from her! My own mom...her health declined early and I took the reins to find her a place to live and to handle her medical needs...2 of my 3 brothers simply checked out. Not interested in helping out whatsoever. OP, I have my old age covered, but having kids certainly doesn't mean that you do. You'd better plan and get those ducks in a row for yourself....
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
I'm child-free and so is my DH. We have my family (siblings, and their children) but I would never expect them to take care of us in our old age. I am retired and I have a substantial bank account, health insurance, pension, long term care insurance and, when I'm old enough, social security, and medicare. I feel that I've got it pretty well covered. Don't think that children will care for you. I'm here to tell you that that dog just won't hunt. Plenty of adult children have ZERO interest or ability to care for an elderly relative. My 86 year old MIL lives with us, but her other son speaks to her twice a year if she's lucky...and usually because he wants to borrow money from her! My own mom...her health declined early and I took the reins to find her a place to live and to handle her medical needs...2 of my 3 brothers simply checked out. Not interested in helping out whatsoever. OP, I have my old age covered, but having kids certainly doesn't mean that you do. You'd better plan and get those ducks in a row for yourself....
I understand, and thank you for your valuable points above. I personally am 100% fine if I were to theoretically never have children, and would be OK, both financially and emotionally...I have thought and pondered quite a bit about that, and ultimately came to that conclusion. If everything goes as planned, I will hopefully be married within the few years, and the intended dearest one to my heart is not CF. I already know that the answer to my upcoming planned proposal to her is going to be a definitive and certain yes. However, since a future wedding will not be until at least 2 years or perhaps more from now down the road, if something unexpected were to occur that caused me to hypothetically fail to successfully transition from engagement to full marriage, I will most likely never marry another person, ever. In that event, I will be pretty much almost completely alone. I am estranged from all extended family (which was their own choice, not mine). I myself have an elderly, dependent parent that I am caring for, and providing for financially. Eventually, when that parent passes on from natural causes due to their advanced age, there very well could potentially be no one else meaningful at all IRL in my life.

Given the situation, one piece of advice I have received from a certain individual IRL was that in order for me to not be alone, that it was imperative for me to start my own family (i.e., wife and children), sooner rather than later. The alternative, that individual said, would be complete and total isolation. **Note: I'm not saying that I agree with them -- in fact I don't -- but I cannot completely discount their words as being totally meaningless. I was very successful academically in college and professionally, but the cost was that I came away with no lasting friendships that endured except for one that predated H.S., and even that one individual abandoned me, as I haven't heard from them in over 2 years. The last time I had real friends was in H.S., and my attempts to contact them when technologies like facebook and other social media came about were unsuccessful, as it had been so long for them that after a while, they ignored my attempts to contact them entirely. Every other single attempt I made to make long-term friends locally where I live has been unsuccessful. So all I really have left IRL, and the only people who really care about me, are the girl that I love and my elderly parent. (I also have a few very good friends online who I am close to and care about, but for the purposes of this post, I was talking strictly about friends IRL, and non-online.)

Last edited by Phoenix2017; 06-10-2013 at 03:16 PM.. Reason: Fixed typos
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:10 PM
 
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My friends with kids are sooooo stressed and tired. they are worrying about paying for things now and for making sure they can provide for them for decades to come. I can live simply now and make sure that I am debt free when I can not work any longer. Buy a house and pay it off. Reverse mortgage when you need to check into an assisted living situation.
I have been more conscious about staying connected to my truly important friends. I am not very social so the few people I really click with are very important to me.
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yayoi View Post
It's not a concern for me because I have a plan. If things get to be unbearable in my old age then I'll just check myself out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayN View Post
This. If I realise it's getting to a point where I absolutely can't take care of myself, I'll leave by my own hand before it's too late.
Me, three.

Knight, having kids is no guarantee they will be there for you when you get old. Our society is much too transient for that, and with so many families where both spouses work, the days of dutiful daughters and daughters-in-law who could or would step in as caregivers are long gone. The kids will have families and children of their own, to take care of, and most responsible parents know and anticipate this about their own progeny.

Also, as a woman, I'm less worried about this than a man might be. Women tend to build social circles and establish friendships much more easily than men, who tend to rely on women (spouses, SOs) for emotional connection than they do other men. Very generally speaking, when a man's partner dies, he is more likely to feel abandoned and lonely than a woman might when her partner dies, because men tend not to have broad networks and social support the way women do. Not that women don't grieve the loss of their partners, but that we tend to have more people around us to help us through it.
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
I have a question I was hoping that I could please inquire about, for all of the child-free folks out there: is getting older or being in your elder years while having no children (and/or no spouse, depending on if you want to be Double-Income, No Kids, vs. never marrying at all for instance) a concern at all for you?

The main reason I ask is because it goes to the issue of potentially having no meaningful social or support network, in the later years of one's life. It also limits your available of people to take care of you, for example if you become injured, sick, or need to be hospitalized, for example. Even if you have a CF spouse but s/he passes away before you, later in life (and also same thing with friends pasing away, as well), without any having children, a person could potentially be like 75-80 years old, but have no one meaningful left, in their lives who really cares about them?

Any thoughts please? How do you deal with and are able to successfully manage these kinds of concerns? Thank you in advance for your comments!
Why would you assume not having kids would mean you are alone and uncared for? Do you plan on not having any friends either?
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Why would you assume not having kids would mean you are alone and uncared for? Do you plan on not having any friends either?
My experience with friends so far in my life that they can be very unreliable, and that they can tend to forsake you, when you really and truly need them It's just so entirely easy for one party to a friendship to break and dissolve that caring bond -- you may count a person as a treasured, much-loved, and valued friend for years, and then, if they move away for example and are not interested in keeping in touch with you, you have essentially lost them...I've experienced so much of this kind of thing first-hand that many times it's almost like getting attached to someone as a friend is not worth the effort. Because eventually, they will walk out of your life, and you will never see or hear from them ever again...
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