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Old 11-05-2007, 10:03 AM
 
156 posts, read 562,024 times
Reputation: 112

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Hi, I have been married now for 2 years. I love my husband to death.. I like his parents and his 2 brothers for the most part. BUT his SISTER is rediculous. She is so FAKE it is HORRIBLE. She is 25 yrs. old and has 4 KIDS!! and a DEAD-BEAT husband. SHe mouches off my husbands parents so bad that they are BROKE. SHE lets her kids go CRAZY at his parents house and NOT supervise them.. so basially pushes them on us to care for as she watches tv all day... She REFUSES to get a job.. she has a myspace page.. and is on it 24/7. Her kids yell, scream, fight, have distroyed his parents house... i mean crayon, markers all over the walls, chairs, candy melt to rugs spilled juice.. HORRIBLE. His parents want to best for the neices so they give and give and she TAKES and TAKES. I HATE HER i want to say something to her,,, but i bite my lips. I don't want to go see his parents anymore because it is a nightmare everytime we go and I get so stress out. WHat should i do?
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Old 11-05-2007, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
3,589 posts, read 443,382 times
Reputation: 533
Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtree22 View Post
Hi, I have been married now for 2 years. I love my husband to death.. I like his parents and his 2 brothers for the most part. BUT his SISTER is rediculous. She is so FAKE it is HORRIBLE. She is 25 yrs. old and has 4 KIDS!! and a DEAD-BEAT husband. SHe mouches off my husbands parents so bad that they are BROKE. SHE lets her kids go CRAZY at his parents house and NOT supervise them.. so basially pushes them on us to care for as she watches tv all day... She REFUSES to get a job.. she has a myspace page.. and is on it 24/7. Her kids yell, scream, fight, have distroyed his parents house... i mean crayon, markers all over the walls, chairs, candy melt to rugs spilled juice.. HORRIBLE. His parents want to best for the neices so they give and give and she TAKES and TAKES. I HATE HER i want to say something to her,,, but i bite my lips. I don't want to go see his parents anymore because it is a nightmare everytime we go and I get so stress out. WHat should i do?
You need to talk to your husband about this since it's obviously something that is angering you a lot...the resentment and anger will only build with time. I also had a sister-in-law from hell; I feel your pain.

You do need to be delicate with it....I don't know how your husband will take it, but my ex was not receptive to my criticisms of my sister-in-law.

Good luck.
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Old 11-05-2007, 10:12 AM
 
2,249 posts, read 4,182,338 times
Reputation: 1954
Wrong forum?

Pull her off to the side and politely ask her if she's doing as much as she can for her family. If for whatever reason she doesn't get the hint here, then you might want to tell her that you're not going to help her anymore if she doesn't make an effort to help herself.
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Old 11-05-2007, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Zurich, Switzerland
25,290 posts, read 33,010,189 times
Reputation: 10722
wait,
why are you so bent outta shape if you dont have to live with her? Its her parents house that she's staying at-not yours.

And if theyve resigned themselves to help her, then its not your concern. I bet youve aggrevated the hell out of your husband over this too causing unnecessary stress on your relationship with him.

And when you go there, your icy demeanor towards her probably speaks far louder then words. As if you were having the blood sucked out of your neck by a vampire...when all the while, it really wasnt that big a deal. People go through issues sometimes but they work it out sooner or later. Someone elses problem causes someone else to hate them-now Ive heard it all.

It seems like all your doing is making a bad situation worse when what she needs is encouragement-not hostility over minor flaws that are easily corrected.
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Old 11-05-2007, 10:16 AM
 
12,547 posts, read 12,059,590 times
Reputation: 2876
I would be interested in knowing how your hubby feels about it?
It would depend on the relationship you have with your in-laws as to say something or not. If it is good then have a heart to heart with them and help them any way you can to implement change.
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Old 11-05-2007, 10:27 AM
 
156 posts, read 562,024 times
Reputation: 112
well, my husband wants to see his family regardless.. so i said he can see them but i don't want to go ALL the time, If i know the kids won't be there then yes.. and here is the thing he HATES how the nieces behave.. but i think he has internal guilt if he doesn't go.. He however says he doen't want to go without me... but i don't want to go.. at least not for a few months . i need a break.. so then he'll say if ur not going then i can't go.. and thats NOT TRUE. he CAN GO. then he says if i go then what will i tell them about y ur not here.
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Old 11-05-2007, 10:31 AM
 
156 posts, read 562,024 times
Reputation: 112
and i can't pull her to the side because she will tell his whole family and i will look bad.. My husbands mom has broken down 5 months ago and went off about his sister and how she mouches and how she CAN'T afford it anymore especially because shes pregnant again.. yet his mom has guilt because she does love the kids but doesn't have the time, patience, money anymore.. yet his sister keeps milking $ out of her.. and my husbands family REFUSES to talk candidly to each other.. they will never say bad things to each other because they want everything to be peachy but in reality things AREN'T
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Old 11-05-2007, 11:22 AM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 5,917,174 times
Reputation: 2176
I have to partially agree with Montclair- what goes on at the home of your in-laws is none of your business. However, if she's borrowing money from your household, you have every right to question your husband and express your reservations about that.

The visiting may be an issue but hubby needs to learn that he can visit without you- and maybe the two of you doing something with each of the kids one on one might help him to feel better. Even though they're monsters at home, you may be pleasantly surprised at how they change when they're away from their mother-----or not. But it's worth a try.

And although your MIL broke down, unless she asks you for help or opinions, I would not go there with her.
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Old 11-05-2007, 11:31 AM
 
768 posts, read 1,452,048 times
Reputation: 412
Sister-in-law isn't going to grow up until the parents stop supporting her. It's that simple. Apparently your mother-in-law isn't tired enough of it herself because she is still shelling it out and letting her daughter be so irresponsible.

Get a life of your own and hobbies so that you have interests to spend time on. Your h doesn't need you to hold his hand when he goes to visit, does he? (If he does, then that's a whole separate issue and you have married someone who has to grow up himself.)

What can he tell them you are doing that you can't visit them with him? You had other plans. No explanation needed, it's that simple. You aren't 4 years old and have to account for your whereabouts.

It sounds like you need to stay away for a while in order to calm down. You are letting his sister bother you way too much. I suspect you have been going over there with him way too much and letting this fester way too long, because you come across as very angry over something that shouldn't be so big a deal for you. It's not like his sister lives with you.

Let your mother-in-law get so fed up with it that she expresses her own anger at her own daughter. You are feeding off of her anger and that keeps her from having to feel it herself. That feeds into their cycle of not wanting to address the issues and it makes you become the "bad guy" because you want to address it and correct it. So you are going to end up isolating YOURSELF with your husband's family and becoming the bad guy if you continue.

It's not a healthy way for them to be, but it is the only way they know. What you now need to decide is what boundaries you need and how to set them--before you start your own family!
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Old 11-05-2007, 11:33 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,033 posts, read 22,430,472 times
Reputation: 10236
Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtree22 View Post
and i can't pull her to the side because she will tell his whole family and i will look bad.. My husbands mom has broken down 5 months ago and went off about his sister and how she mouches and how she CAN'T afford it anymore especially because shes pregnant again.. yet his mom has guilt because she does love the kids but doesn't have the time, patience, money anymore.. yet his sister keeps milking $ out of her.. and my husbands family REFUSES to talk candidly to each other.. they will never say bad things to each other because they want everything to be peachy but in reality things AREN'T
So your husband's mom already knows his sister is bad news and a mooch. So therefore, I think it no big deal if you don't go over to their house to experience the horror that is his sister. Just don't go over there at all. And once in a while you and your husband can invite his parents out to dinner without the sister and kids to give them a break from the mess.
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