My brother needs $3500 to turn the power back on! (father, husband, siblings)
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Tell your dad if it's for the kids, then he (your dad) should have the kids move in with him, until your brother can get back on his feet.
Right. I'd even offer, maybe, to help Dad directly with extra costs associated with feeding the kids. I dunno.
As for the question of angering a "family leader"... well yeah. I say no all the time to my mother's ridiculous "demands" and she tries to punish me by not being around on holidays. I just enjoy the stress-free holiday.
There's a big difference between being a leader and being a boss. Sounds like maybe dad has been the family boss and used to getting his way in everything.
UPDATE: He and his family are still living in the dark. My brother called me and made an appeal for the money himself. He was so nice and friendly until I gave him a list of things he would have to give me for me to even consider giving him that type of money. He then got angry and shouted JUST SEND ME THE MONEY! I stated he needed to send me his budget, paycheck stubs, credit report, utility bills, etc. and he just blew up, called me a few choice names and hung up. Now my dad is calling again asking for the money for him saying it is for the kids not him.
I think asking for a credit report was kinda silly. Of course it isn't good! The budget, paycheck stubs, utility bills I get, the credit report, not sure what it would accomplish other than confirm what you already know.
I think asking for a credit report was kinda silly. Of course it isn't good! The budget, paycheck stubs, utility bills I get, the credit report, not sure what it would accomplish other than confirm what you already know.
The purpose of the credit report was to determine what other debts they had. Why would I want to lend them all that money if they owe $60K to organizations like banks and other official creditors that will be taking them to court in the next few months so their money situation is impossible and the money I provide would not really help them?
UPDATE: He and his family are still living in the dark. My brother called me and made an appeal for the money himself. He was so nice and friendly until I gave him a list of things he would have to give me for me to even consider giving him that type of money. He then got angry and shouted JUST SEND ME THE MONEY! I stated he needed to send me his budget, paycheck stubs, credit report, utility bills, etc. and he just blew up, called me a few choice names and hung up. Now my dad is calling again asking for the money for him saying it is for the kids not him.
I think that's reasonable. At the very least you need to see the bills.
I have a brother with similar issues and I've bailed him out from time to time over the years. Once he was belly-aching and said something like "you should see my budget" and I said, "I'd LOVE to." That shut him up quick. Some of his problems are not of his own making--both he and his (now ex) wife have had serious health problems and he's had a lot of out-of-pocket medical expenses. But he's also made stupid decisions.
Anyway, if you're going to fork over more than $3,000 I agree that you need some reassurance that you're not just pouring it down a dark hole.
I am glad you put your foot down. Stay strong. If it's "for the kids" still - what good it is if he's just back in the same situation a few months later, it's obvious he can't provide for the kids anyway and doesn't know how. Throwing money at him will NOT solve the problem.
People in his situation always use their kids as an excuse. When I worked at a utility company, people ALWAYS threw their kids in our face as a guilt trip. ALWAYS. The way they did it was sick. They would never pay and use their kids to keep their utilities on, yet they never learned their lesson, would always get behind, etc. It's not your fault, our fault, etc if they can't provide, it is not YOUR fault if they can't provide and not your job to provide for their kids. If their kids are without, then it's long overdue that they learn how to provide for them. If you keep paying their way they'll never learn to provide for them. UGH how frustrating!
The purpose of the credit report was to determine what other debts they had. Why would I want to lend them all that money if they owe $60K to organizations like banks and other official creditors that will be taking them to court in the next few months so their money situation is impossible and the money I provide would not really help them?
At this point I think you know this won't be a loan. Someone willing to let their utility get that high has no means of ever paying it back.
How would it really help the situation by seeing what else he owes unless you plan on helping with that? It might also give him the impression you might want to help out more than just this bill. Isn't it better to NOT know? If you don't know they can't guilt you into it being your problem.
You aren't going to solve his long term problems by paying this off at all. It is simply out of guilt because his kids are without power and they won't stop asking.
If the harassment keeps up block their phone number.
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