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There's a sucker born every minute, so don't fret too much about your BIL. Where he goes afterwards is really not your problem nor should it be a concern for you and your husband. Usually those... leeches are like cats, they always somehow land on their feet somewhere. With that said, don't suck it up and say something! In fact, that's why they get away with everything now because you've been so nicely and sweetly compliant. Personally I follow Benjamin Franklin's quote in RE: guest... "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after 3 days." Show them the door and say they have less than week to get their crap together, after all, they've already lived with you for a couple months. Nephew needs to go back to his mother-- whether he likes her or not = NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
With that said, what the heck is wrong with your husband to allow his own brother/nephew to impose like that? Especially given your health issues. Get well, OP!
Your pet bird is standing up for your more than your own husband! Do you think your he's is too weak willed to force his brother out? What has he said about it?
I recommend you print out your post, then hand it to your husband when he walks in the door. Tell him, "Sit down and read this all the way through, then we'll talk about it".
Your pet bird is standing up for your more than your own husband! Do you think your he's is too weak willed to force his brother out? What has he said about it?
I recommend you print out your post, then hand it to your husband when he walks in the door. Tell him, "Sit down and read this all the way through, then we'll talk about it".
Agree. I say let the bird decide (sounds like it already has). Not so "bird-brained", is it?
As soon as BIL gets his first job, your husband should quit giving him money.
Apartments here have move in specials where you pay the deposit and then the first month's rent is free. Your BIL should find a complex there that offers that special. Then he could afford to move with that first check.
You and your husband really need to set a date when BIL has to be out. Be firm about it..."We've enjoyed having you stay here, but now that you're working, we're sure you want your own space. Christina has her surgery on x date and needs to rest before and after the surgery, so we're sure you'll understand, we need you out a week before the surgery."
No, you don't word it like that.
They did not "enjoy" them staying there, and you don't give him an out with "we're sure you want your own space", that gives someone like him an out to say "no, we're OK still staying here".
You say something more like "we have let you stay here and it hasn't been easy on us at all, especially with Christina's health situation. Now that you're working you need to find a place to live, consider this a two week notice".
You don't lie or sugarcoat or give someone an out by asking them if they now want their own space, you tell they have no choice in the matter.
Your pet bird is standing up for your more than your own husband! Do you think your he's is too weak willed to force his brother out? What has he said about it?
I recommend you print out your post, then hand it to your husband when he walks in the door. Tell him, "Sit down and read this all the way through, then we'll talk about it".
I would tell hubby, 'Somebody is moving in July, either me or him.', and start cleaning, going thru things, packing, and looking for an apartment.
This is pretty much where you are at... So, maybe a temporary break from your spouse, and his family drama is what you need, to focus on yourself and get better. And see where things are at the end of summe.
My first thought is FOR SHAME on your husband!!! Is he a complete push over or what? You've gone through cancer treatments and you're working long days at work while preparing for an upcoming surgery and he's letting your space be invaded this way, giving away money you don't really have to give, and letting his brother and nephew not even contribute by cooking dinner or doing chores around the house? Oh hell no! I think spouses should deal with their own families. Therefore, it is your husband's job to make sure his brother doesn't take advantage not only of him, but of you, his wife who already is dealing with a huge amount of things on her plate!
I think your husband needs to lay down the law here. Otherwise BIL will never get out. Maybe give him two weeks. With his paycheck he should be able to pay a deposit on his own place. Since your nephew isn't even going to school, couldn't he get a part time job in the evenings/on weekends to help cover some expenses? Really their finances aren't your problem. You're not obligated to stay in this terrible living situation because they are family. BIL is an adult. And he obviously isn't very appreciative. I'd tell your DH to remedy this situation or else you'll be taking your pay check and getting your own apatment, so you can have some peace and quiet! Best of luck to you!
... I think your husband needs to lay down the law here. Otherwise BIL will never get out. Maybe give him two weeks. With his paycheck he should be able to pay a deposit on his own place. Since your nephew isn't even going to school, couldn't he get a part time job in the evenings/on weekends to help cover some expenses? Really their finances aren't your problem ...
Word! I never even thought of that. Why isn't that bum kid working? I have lots of nieces and nephews and they all had jobs by the time they were 16, saving for college. Even if it's just babysitting and/or yard work in the neighborhood, he should be doing something. I was clerking in a Mom and Pop grocery store for money under the table before it was even legal and I've been paying into Social Security since I was that kid's age. Good thinking, strawberrykiki.
Sory for your situation. I understand why you don't want to make too much noise about this, it woul dgive you even more stress than you have now. It feels good and is the right thing to do to help people.
I agree with some others that your husband should really step up here. It shouldn't be up to you to inform him of this but us guys are both stupid and reluctant sometimes. He needs a talking to...by you. The danger is that he will go ahead and do something about it but it'll be for you, not for you and him. He needs to realize this is bad for your team not just for you. That way he'll think straight about it and have his heart in it.
Stop the AC and limit the xbox thing by saying you are short on $. Your husband should really be the one to take the lead on this but i'm not surprised that he isn't. Let's see, you went to grad school, you work, you just had cancer treatments for heaven's sake. These aren't the types of people that should be in your world. IF oyu are the one forced to step in, try first doing it nicely - by asking for their help (with cooking, cleaning, money, etc.). Let them gently know that you are the one who has to work all day for the bills to get paid (try to avoid saying things like "I pay the bills" it's emasculating and won't lead to good things - sometimes, you catch more flies with honey but only you can decide that).
Your anger is building and soon your emotions will take over and that's never good.
I mostly blame your husband for this. As I read the post, "DH" began to stand for something other than "dear husband" in my brain!
Brother-in-law is an irresponsible selfish entitled jerk. His son is following in his footsteps. But it's your husband's fault that you're dealing with this terrible situation. He needs to grow a spine; if he continues to be an invertebrate, more stuff like this will happen in the future, and he's going to end up losing his DW!
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Do you think your he's is too weak willed to force his brother out? What has he said about it? 
