Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Would you even CONSIDER letting some of them stay across the street at my mom's.
My thought was at least helping him out financially kept the 'drama' out of mom's house.
Grandmom is also sort of ready for this to be done with.
No! Keep them out of your mother's home. I was talking about the older kids and your sister doing their parts. If you open your mother's house to your brother, it'll be near impossible to get him out of the house.
Since your mother just about done with this... Would your mother be willing to sell her house and live in a senior (or assisted) community? She'd be around other folks like herself and she'd have certain amenities-- some even offer rides to stores, doc appointments, et. c
Would you even CONSIDER letting some of them stay across the street at my mom's.
My thought was at least helping him out financially kept the 'drama' out of mom's house.
Grandmom is also sort of ready for this to be done with.
So far I'm standing firm.....I will tell him about the income levels for shut off, though.
(Although maybe because he's already had a payment agreement, PECO is done working with him on that, too.)
UPDATE: The electric is back on...but I just called his cell phone -- says changed disconnected or no longer in service,
On your chart for the utility company, do not forget that "children" counted are ONLY those under the legal age of 18 NOT ALL of his children. The older kids need to pitch in with money, his wife needs to get a job, you need to move your Mother closer to you, sell her home and be done with all this mess.
YOU and Your Mother have done MORE than enough to try and help him and what has your sister done to help him besides call and badger you about giving him more money? I'm guessing nothing because she is not willing to sacrifice anything herself to help him out.
DO NOT continue to bail him out and as far as reimbursing him for Mom's expenses, simple fix. Call the Doctor's office on the day she has her appointments and pay the co-pay over the phone with a debit card or a credit card OR send a check to them directly in advance. The gasoline he uses and the money he spends for a meal, have him provide you with receipts THEN give him the exact amount he spent. Without receipts NO reimbursement.
oh lawd, cell phone is cutoff, electricity is cutoff. For alot of people that would be rock bottom. I've seen people sit in the dark for 4 or 5 days yet when it's back on, they sit on the couch and watch cable. Uh, hello? WTF?!
$66k a year is good money, depending on what his COL is, but he needs to realize that he isn't single, or a childfree couple. For all intents and purposes, he is living in poverty and needs to adjust as such. One kid sucks up alot of cash. 8 or 7 or however many he has? Plus the wife staying at home? Madness. I also would've hung up on your sister when she spouted off the nonsense about the kids. Did you "make" those kids? Nope. Then why should you have to pay for them. I don't always believe in the "it's for the kids" paradigm. Do I want kids to go hungry and sit in the dark, cold? Absolutely not. Will I constantly try to interject myself into the lives of people who absolutely under no circumstances want to change so that their kids have a much better life? No. It's not my business/responsibility, nor is it yours.
If a family member comes to me and for the first time in 10 years asks for a few hundred to pay a mortgage because of job loss, i'll quickly write out a check. If a family member calls me every two weeks for utility payments but shows up at my house with the newest iPhone and a to go box from Red Lobster, I won't give them a dime.
I hate to say this but do not give to a deadbeat family member as you know you will never get paid back. I know some family members with severe entitlement issues and including one of them never paid is own way. He always relied on others to bail him out from his own parents, to his children, siblings, and others. This particular father had 5 children and a wife who had taught high school for many years. This particular person never kept a job, and bummed from everyone else, including raiding his own wife's retirement when she was less than 50 years old to start another failed "business" as he never kept a job working for "someone else." He continues to be bailed out at around age 73 by family members. He has ruined his relationship with everyone, including his wife, of 50 years, his grown children, his in-laws, everyone because of being bailed out time after time.
All examples vary, of course.
Just to reiterate, does this person you describe deserve another dime? - I would say No way.
B]]"Failure to plan and prepare on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."[/b][/b]
You are being manipulated.
Take the emotion out of the equation and just look at the facts.
That should help you to make the right decision for yourself.
Good luck.
That is one of my brothers favorite lines. He uses it when workmen don't finish their work on time, when employees insist that they should be paid overtime for a project but spent half the day goofing around, when his kids don't finish their homework or forget it at home AND if people borrow money.
Your elderly mother needs all the money that she has earned. Do not loan or give any to your dead beat brother. They do have homeless shelter in most cities.
I hate to say this but do not give to a deadbeat family member as you know you will never get paid back. I know some family members with severe entitlement issues and including one of them never paid is own way. He always relied on others to bail him out from his own parents, to his children, siblings, and others. This particular father had 5 children and a wife who had taught high school for many years. This particular person never kept a job, and bummed from everyone else, including raiding his own wife's retirement when she was less than 50 years old to start another failed "business" as he never kept a job working for "someone else." He continues to be bailed out at around age 73 by family members. He has ruined his relationship with everyone, including his wife, of 50 years, his grown children, his in-laws, everyone because of being bailed out time after time.
All examples vary, of course.
Just to reiterate, does this person you describe deserve another dime? - I would say No way.
What a sad story. I suspect that it would have been much different if his parents had said "No" when he was 22 and his wife would have said "No" when he was 30, and his in-laws said "No" when he was 35. I doubt that he would still be begging for money at 73.
Good grief, IMO having 10 kids is a clear display of irresponsibility. This is his problem, let him figure it out, as long as he is bailed out, he will continue to operate exactly same way as he has done in the past. No is a complete sentence.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
